"But we are all alike. How? That's the big one: we've learned to trust. Wow, what a great word. Trust, trust, trust. And we learned that difference is not always difference, and that you receive as you give, and a lot more shit. Try that again: trust, trust, trust, t-r-u-s-t--it's a cha-cha. You have to know how to trust yourself no matter what. But think about this: a group made up of all trusting spirits. That's what I've got.

"And notice that it is not a matter of intelligence or status. In fact, in your world some of the simplest people, who may seem dumb, are closer than the geniuses. Simple people seem that way because they have little left to remember.

"We three have been simpletons lately--a few lives ago. Randy, does the idea of 'village idiot' ring any bells? You were one in England. Mumsy, do you ever feel like you were cast in a wrong role? Like in the Kalahari? The boy too dense to hunt, made to do women's work--your African connection. In your tribe they kept asking, 'Where did he come from?' A chief's son. Papa was your mother. And me, 30 years on a Viking fishing ship as cabin boy on board, nothing on land. Smelly. And get this, I liked it-- that's how dumb I was. Lived through seven captains. Captured once but they quickly put me ashore. Looked like a troll: four feet seven, hairy, swarthy, dumb.

"So we've done that. And you see it doesn't matter. What's important is what you remember from what you learn. Trust and love and giving transcend all that. I think this time we are all intelligent and relatively normal so we can communicate this to others and be heard and understood. Village idiots may learn but are seldom listened to." (1/28/96 - W#20)



"As one evolves and learns, one needs to explore the relationship between self and sexuality. A phase of that may be trying on the feelings and emotions of one gender in the other's body. Eventually we learn that sexual identity unites us, not distinguishes us. Sex is about reproduction, but sexuality is about identity. And the broader the understanding, the wider the identity, and therefore the greater chance to move ahead in unity, QED.

"If the goal is ultimate unity, we must find identities that lead to unity. Neither gay nor straight is better or worse; what is or is not learned is what is important. Gay people who use their sexuality for differentiation will have a lot more work to do, just as rampant heteros have a lot of work ahead... not to mention surprises. When we look at others and our immediate response is how we are similar, then we are getting closer. So, that's the goal: Find unity and move on." (1/30/96 - V#5)



"The woman from Terra, etc., was psychic but her family treated her like she was nutso. But ha, she saw a big storm and made her husband bring all the cattle to pasture. They were the only ones in their area not to lose cows. Now they all believe her. Her husband had her committed. She got out by learning not to talk about her visions. She died at 65.

"And the baker led a boring life and died 10 days after retiring. But he made a pile of dough. But seriously, he would spend every Saturday afternoon working with poor kids; and he says he wouldn't trade his life with anyone. He learned that life is measured in your perceptions not its realities. What matters is what you get out of it.

"Look, breathing is pretty boring but it supports the rest. Think, if you met someone who said, 'What have I done? I breathed 167,000 times.' Boringggggg. But the same person could be Buddha. But don't move to Cleveland." (1/31/96 - W#21)



"Julia's good. She has moved to another group. She is making amazing progress. And Papa is flying. No garages.

"I've always loved dancing, so I did it before and I did it in my last life and I do it now. It's just me. And Papa always loved the beach and air. And you have always loved writing. And Randy always loved talking. You always loved to write or express your feelings and Randy always loved pleasing the crowd." (2/4/96 - W#22)



"Josef is kind and he died for being kind in a world and time filled with hate and Nazis. But he still believes in human good and potential." (2/6/96 - W#23)



"Bound up, suffocating, that's what asthma is symptomatic of for some; fear for others. They're afraid of breathing, so they stop. More asthma these days means more fearful, uptight people. Slum dwellers--especially blacks--have a higher rate, but not for environmental reasons. It is just their fear levels. They are fearful, or their parents are." (2/9/96 - R#9)



"Sometimes morning here lasts 30 minutes, and other times it lasts two weeks. So, if I say I am going to do this or that tomorrow morning, then tomorrow morning lasts until it gets done. Time expands or contracts to meet your needs.

"Think about this. You tell someone you will meet them at 10. You think you can get ready by then. Whatever time it takes, you are ready at 10--never late, but always the time you need. Time is elastic. If time is a function of our perception, why be trapped in a social perception. What your world calls time is only an average of all of your perceptions. Here we go the individual route, but in your world that only works if you are alone. And some people have more time dominance. In your relationships, time is not an average of the two of you. So we have Latinos, whose time is different from gringos. One dominates in New York, one dominates in Santo Domingo, and they fight it out in Miami.

"Time exists as a function of existence. That's also why kids and adults have different senses of time. Psychologists say it is a matter of the development of abstract thinking, but no, it is just abstract; you realise how much there is to do versus time. But... and here is the big but... those who know how to choose life's opportunities and shape their lives will find all the time they need, and they will experience a fullness, not a rush, of time. Interesting that those who most understood this got a lot done with their time, no matter how short, and they seem to move beyond time. We even call them timeless (Buddha, Jesus, etc.). If you are doing what you really really really want to do, you will do as much each day as the greatest have done. Don't compare to anything or anyone but yourself. When you compare, you buy back into the average-time trap.

"Think about this story: Someone takes a day to do just one thing. Is that great? If it is 'Let there be light,' it is quite a day. A day in Genesis is measured by accomplishment and purpose, not by hours. First lesson to billions and they miss it. It was an analogy, but not about creation or time, but about purpose and choice and fulfillment. Enough.

"The world and all that is in it have always been. The story of Genesis is about focusing and choosing to be there, and finding fulfillment in that life. And the story gives us all the clues. We have the world and life, etc., and we have dominion, but that does not mean control; it means access. So we can choose to be in that world as we wish, and our days will be measured by what we do creatively--just as God's work is measured, so to speak, by her creativity in six days. The chapter is not about God, but about us; and we form us in our own imagining. We get what we envision and choose, and we have the potential of all the time we need and one day of rest to get everything done we need to do to create our own Eden. Now, enough." (2/9/96 - B#6)



"Now, as to Josef. He was detained in an early Nazi operation. Czech patriots were coopted into believing him a traitor but he was able to gain his release; but only until the SS could have him murdered. His family all disappeared, and even now he is not in touch with some. He thinks they are still alive but spiritually broken. But he laughs a lot and tells great stories. Papa is a little shy around him. He treated Jews and gypsies well. He lied to Nazi collaborators to save people.

"He knows he is above that stuff--it happens but does not define him. That's the test: can you experience bad things and not have you defined by them. Learn from them, yes; but define you, no. Think about that." (2/11/96 - W#24)

"Here thoughts flow as thoughts. You bodies, as we call you, have language translators that put thoughts into linguistic symbols. What a waste of energy. By the way, I can only access what you say, and the thoughts you want open as well. So watch the ambrosia." (2/20/96 - I#5)



"Our entity is not always together. Now about those missing years. Can't tell you much and here's why. Even now we are products of formerly separate elements. What we call 'us' is an entity of those components. We didn't just come into being; we sort of merged into being, and the transition can take time. We can float in and out. So some of those lives were outside of our entity, and some were even sub-parts of you--hard to trace. And at other times you may have tried a test merger into other entities. So who is the 'you' who is the you you want to know about.

"Trust me, the only lives that matter are those that connect you to the 'us' entity. You've kept what you need from the rest; and believe me, you can live without the rest and it would serve no good purpose to find out more. You've gotten here by learning and remembering. Forget the rest; you have already incorporated the insights. But if you like confusion and pain and frustration and stupidity, go ahead--that's some of what you've left behind.

"Use the past only to look to the future with hope and inspiration. Climbing a mountain it is better to look where you are going and use the skills you've learned than to look back down and get trapped by those mistakes that brought learning, or they would lead you backwards. Have you ever taken a test where an answer you know is wrong is all that comes to mind, so you think it must be right?" (2/22/96 - W#25)



"There is physical life on other planets, but not in your solar system. It is life as you know it. You've had visitors from other systems, but those stories of alien abductions are bullshit. The stories match because they sell." (2/26/96 - R#10)



"In the end, you fit into one entity. Just as atoms of an element may try to form compounds, but many are unstable and only a few work in time, so you find where you fit naturally. And when that entity becomes long-term stable and fulfilled, it can begin a similar process of seeking a greater synthesis.

"We have come together as an entity, but we still have unresolved issues. Not all of our entity is yet connected, and until we have that stability, we may find one or another of us trying other connections. The components need to be together, and then stability is achieved and we move on. But until then, it's like a meeting with empty chairs here and there. Those already there occupy their chairs, but the meeting can't start. So maybe someone gets up and goes out for a minute, but while she is gone someone else arrives. Only when everyone is there can the meeting start, and they can move toward working with another complete group.

"And here's a kicker: Some people are complete unto themselves. Guess who: Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Lao-Tse--the people we know as great spiritual leaders. They are ready to connect with other whole entities. Reread the Gospels with this in mind. But not yet has it happened; it's a stage way beyond where we are. I know about it but can't conceive of it--elemental level, and the building block of a paramount reality that can't be seen beyond, even by our greatest seers. And I am talking about really great seers. So chew on that." (2/29/96 - V#6)



"Papa was by and said, 'Hi' and 'Keep on' and 'Hang by your thumbs.' He is still amazed by so much. He said, 'Eri, can you believe all this,' and I said, 'Papa, we are all this,' and he said, 'Amazing!' He is awestruck. He keeps going around asking people if they believe this. Like the 'circus of the mind.' And he says Julia is fine." (2/29/96 - W#26)



"Now about one of those lives: a murderous rogue on the Crusades. But you only got as far as Italy when your fellow rogues tossed you, drunken, down a well so they could get your armor. Good thing you didn't connect with that entity for keeps--one of violence and deceit. You were trying one on. Entity shopping." (2/29/96 - W#27)



"Hi, Karin, blonde cutie. Mom, you saw our life together in Denmark. You are becoming more open to the child in you. This life made you shut off childhood as a time to fully remember. In going through my years you opened your first 20, too. Clingy, weren't we? You have learned a lot since then about independence.

"We villagers just sang and danced all day. No wait, that's The Gypsy Baron. But seriously folks, it was a good life. We cared for each other. Randy was big brother. It was not Jutland; it vas green und it vas gut for growing tings. Hi, Franz. I was Ursula. Karin died at 41, a little older than you thought. You always claimed you were younger because the years spent attached to my skirt didn't count. Franz was roughhouse but loving--a big lovable oaf. He used to tease you all the time but he always protected you. He was almost a teen when you were born. But still we danced and sang all day.

"The man you saw who seemed cold was stepfather to Franz. You were... well... uhhh... an embarrassment. You came out of wedlock; and so did Franz, but that man didn't know that about Franz. He was only a convenience to live life, and he was impotent. He was more sad than cold. In time I guess I did love him. He understood when you came, and he kept our secret and loved me as he could, so I loved him. I wanted Karin's father but he was not possible--pastor for many years--and without the secret many lives would have been ruined. And yes, Papa was the pastor.

"Franz's father was a lonely sea captain, doomed to sail until he found perfect love. Ok, he was a sailor and we spent one holiday together singing and dancing and screwing. He sailed off and never returned. We heard that his ship hit an iceberg and... no wait, that's another ship. His ship was lost in a gale off Jutland.

"So, yes, now pay attention. The pastor, when he heard my confession (Lutheran, not Catholic) said he would fix it. He announced to the village that he had wed us before he sailed; so I was respectable and a widow for many years until the pastor came to tell me of this sad man who offered companionship but could not offer children. He had a good heart so we married. You children always were his delight and agony. He loved you but longed for you to be his. In a rough time he never hit you once. We were a good family. And we sang and danced--but not all the time.

"Franz became a sailor and he rose up to own his own boat, and he traded as far away as Iceland and Spain. He did well but he didn't get fabulously rich because he gave many alms--especially to orphans and widows, but not widows with orphans. Someone once tried to con him with that scenario but he was quick. He asked the woman to go get her husband so he could give him the money, and she got up to go. And then they all sang and danced. Hahaha. 'Ah, sweet mystery of life, at last I found thee... la la." (3/1/96 - W#28)



"As we try on life combinations, we leave connections--that is, the room--for several reasons. We may know where we fit, but we need to be elsewhere to polish rough edges or fill some internal void. Just because we leave for awhile does not deny the connection.

"Rule of thumb: If you find yourself with the same soul five times in different settings, it's a match. The trick of it is that the entity is fulfilled by an unknown number. While you wait in the room, you don't know how many you're waiting for. So you try to remember everyone who has connected to you five times, but sometimes you leave for another connection just for fun. Waiting can be boringggg." (3/5/96 - V#7)



"Listen, pay attention, keep awake,noto bene, à vis, achtung. First-timers are new combinations of subconscious elements coming together for the very first time. If the combination works and has a chance of being an integral element of an entity, then that person progresses. But if not, the combination is dismantled, so to speak, and the subelements try combining again with other subelements. Sometimes the elements sent back keep trying to reappear in the same combination, and you get repeat first-timers. But they are so clueless, they don't remember nothing. The bad, so to speak, first-timers are not inherently bad, but just the wrong mix of subelements. Got it?

"If you picture forward in the history of our entity, you see a number of people coming together. Now look back, to see a number of personalities coming together to form each of those people. People have complex personalities because they are a combination of elements. You are already a sum of many parts.

"The long-term picture is the drive to find meaningful and productive sums of ever-more elaborate and complex elements: from subatomic particles to compounds to DNA to us to beyond to God, which is the universal All. And maybe somewhere, gods combine to entities we cannot and dare not dream of. Ponder this. That's all I have to say about that.

"But those people with multiple personality disorder are combinations in a status of breakdown--coming apart; not good. The aim is integration, not differentiation. Think about Jung. His collective unconscious speaks about this. Insanity is a combination that is not desirable... requires fixing... nutso. Ponder this much." (3/8/96 - V#8)



"First-timers. They get here and think they are so great, and then we have to send them on to be dismantled, so to speak, and they think that that's an honor--so good we have to spread them around. Right. We call it Personality Asset Dispersal Unit.

"For part of each of them, it's a relief. And since one of the reasons it is done is that the person doesn't learn and remember, they don't remember being dismembered. So, that's the way it is." (3/11/96 - Y#9)



"The intensity of psychic energy is how you see me. You don't always see me, either. It's a combination; it is not automatic. But hey, it's the old psychic problem: A group of believers gets together, and something happens; but when a skeptic tries to recreate the event with only a part of the group, nothing happens. If the phenomenon is dependent on our energies, then it will appear subjective, not objective. But is subjective reality secondary to objective reality? I think not!

"Hey, we all live in our subjective realities. We would not know an objective reality if we met one, because by the time we met it, it would have become subjective. Like trees in the forest and lights in the fridge. Listen to this (pun intended): A person who is sound challenged (that is, deaf), goes into the forest. A tree falls. Is there a sound? No. A sound is not a sound unless it is a sound. How's that for sound reasoning.

"And if you get 30,000 scientists to say something is objectively true, then it is for 30,000 and those who believe them. It's like the Bible--it's true if you believe it is. So, a teacher teaches students what to see in Moby Dick. Not good. Another teacher teaches students how to read any book with their eyes open. Good. Otherwise, you give them your substance, not their own, and the truth is not in the book, but in the reading. And so for poems and paintings and beer. One person's brew is another's poison.

"Absolutes are absolutely not real... not yet, anyway. When all the combining is done, and all Creation is once more one, and there is no difference between Creator and Creation, then the absolute is real. Not yet. It's where we are heading. What is important now is what each person perceives and believes and does, not if they are right. Genuine, yes; right, who cares." (3/21/96 - I#6)



"When people move from spirit into physical, they get born, but it is not that simple. You are who you are, but you attach to another--or some others--to come into being. Over time, more of you shows. In a good life you get to remember most of what you have learned. But in some cases this does not happen. You also have to differentiate yourself, or there will be no learnings of your own.

"So, when a child dies who is still a part of a parent figure, they get to move on sooner because they really haven't lived and learned. When young children die, it is learning for the adults, not the kiddos. Some people never differentiate, and this life counts for zip. They appear to learn things, but if you watch closely they never really learn.

"The struggle to be ourselves is essential. And yes... now hold on to your hats... as we finally get our entity together and can merge on, we will be born, so to speak, through an already existing merged entity, and will have to differentiate again, or we may get tossed back here to merge and try again. It is a tough thing for an entity, whether coming into being as a soul or moving on as the next step, to have to merge to come into being, and then have to differentiate. We just get to sense we are together, and then we get this differentiation task. Not easy. Takes a number of tries to learn it all. But hey, we've got all the time in the world.

"It's having to know both these things: I am me and I am not you. And we finally become an entity--at any level--when we can say, I am me without reference to not you. Then we are ripe for merging. We are pure. We are essentially us. Any combination before that would be contaminated; we would form an entity, not only of the positive us elements, but also the negative not you elements. Entities are only positive combinations if they are to be sustainable." (3/23/96 - Y#10)



"How can one live in an infinite universe of more dimensions than we can dream of, and still see limits? You see limits physically, but you can believe. Is believing the same as experiencing? No, but yes. If you don't believe, you don't experience." (3/29/96 - I#7)



"Uncle Fred is here. Papa saw him and said, and I quote, 'Boy, is that guy in bad shape.' But later he said Fred was coming around and looking better, but he was D and C [dazed and confused].

"You see, I arrived here having left before the worst but he went through the whole dying shit. So I say get out while the getting is good. Keep your beauty and style and dignity." (4/1/96 - W#29)



"It's A-ok with me if you forget me once in awhile. We will connect as we need to. Don't fashion your lives about remembering me but about living. Then you will remember me in everything you do.

"I will always be with you, but more as a gentle whisper of night and a dawn's first breath and the midday's hot power than as a picture captured in time, made yellow and faded with age. If I go away from you I am not gone from you, and if you go away from me you are not gone from me. For such is the nature of souls bound as an entity." (4/2/96 - W#)



"People who are 'evil' are usually first-timers or later big mistakes. 'O, I thought this was my room,' they say when they gather; but it's usually a mistake. And they don't get here. They move directly to dismantling. Some of them are already coming apart... like explosives. Explosives are made by forcefully combining things that aren't normally stable together. It takes energy. And most of such systems can't sustain that energy for long, and then POOF!

"Just like cultures: Good cultures don't take a lot of energy to maintain. They give participants more energy than they demand.

"Some things just should not be combined. And some things are forcefully combined because one element seeks some resolution, but it's not a natural one. It goes back into the individual elements, and it is painful, so to speak, for the elements. So they don't try that combination again. But some elements still have unresolved issues, so they may create different but equally bad combinations. But usually an element that blows it twice is dismantled to its inherent subelements that need to find other combinations.

"It's the same pattern up and down the line. When it works, it is sustained and moves to greater complexity. And when it doesn't work, it is returned to previous realities for dismantling. Like uranium: Is uranium good or bad, neither. But when it reacts, then we can discuss the reaction. Like in astrology: Is a sign good or bad, no. But some combinations are... ahhh... not so great." (4/5/96 - R#11)



"There are many paths to understanding, but even the best is so poor. But keep on trying. Remember, the truth embodies these systems, not that the systems hold the truth. They are like flashlights in the primordial soup of being. They are not the soup... and they definitely are not the being. By the way, the soup of being is not onion. Enough heavy talk." (4/5/96 - Y#11)



Papa:

"Hey babe, what's up? Today is my birthday, but it's not really meaningful to me--except you remember. I have been doing this and that, not much to speak of. But boy, are some of these kids smart. I'm glad I was a kid when I was. Too much competition now--too many smart kids. Hey, when we got out of the War we were all just a bunch of dumb kids, but now they are so smart.

"But did I ever tell you about the kid from Brooklyn in my outfit that thought he was smarter than the rest? He overheard someone talking about Switzerland and decided that was where we were going; so he kept his mouth shut but looked for some old discarded wool winter uniforms and made some longjohns. He threw away his boxers and took three pairs of these with him. Boy, was he surprised by North Africa. We called him 'Itchy.' He took to wearing no underwear, until the day we were ordered to strip to our civvies. Not too smart.

"I saw Uncle Freddy. Boy, was he in bad shape. Was I that bad? Wow. Freddy is doing ok." (4/11/96 - W#30)



"The whole is always greater than the sum of its parts. That doesn't diminish the value of the parts, but the real picture is always larger. A trite example: New York City is great, but there is a larger greatness of many cities taken together as our cultural center. In Europe they cherish the culture, but choose one city as culture capital each year, but know the whole is the real greatness. So if you were to focus on me, say, and miss the larger reality, that would be a loss. I am not the object here, or even the subject, but only the way or the passage. Like Jesus always said, it wasn't about him, but what larger things he shared.

"If the point of All is increasing complexity, and we achieve that by coming together into entities, then aren't the entities what are important, not the units. As long as we focus on the building blocks, we never build anything. You have to be ready to accept them as finished, or at least ready, at some point. 'No, not yet.' 'No, not yet.' 'If not now, when.' Read the whole Hillel quotation; substitute all the pronouns; see its deep wisdom. Get yourself ready, as treely as you can. Said enough." (4/24/96 - V#9)



"There is life in other galaxies... but no great parties, haha. An equal number of both less and more advanced civilizations. You see, in an infinite universe, every population is average because there will always be an infinite number more and less advanced. And there will always be first-timers, ugh. But not us... until the next round. But the blessing and curse is how oblivious we are to it when we are. If we knew, we would never attempt new combinations." (4/24/96 - V#10)



"A spirit sent a message to you, but she was not there. You got sympathetic vibrations. You can do that when you focus your energy field. But of course, you could say she was there, because you can't differentiate between a person's being and a person's energy--the old particle and wave debate.

"Coke and Pepsi are not the same, but they are both colas, so they are the same. They are and are not the same at the same time. And it's not matter. But is it a breath mint or a candy mint." (4/28/96 - I#8)



"Here's a little tidbit: Einstein talked about time curving, but it is neither linear nor curved. It has its own pattern that is not represented by any word or thought construct in your world. In later entity development, you will experience this greater reality of time. Even I only hear about it, since I have yet to merge and move on.

"Your world has been both experienced and built on linear quantitative time, so it is right and true for you. But there are more worlds than you have dreamt of. But, once in awhile, the other senses of time break through and become manifest to you. Dreams are one place, déjà vu is another, and inexplicable events are often also--like foreknowledge, or events that seem out of time or place. Hint: Building the Pyramids is not an issue of aliens, but a matter of time. Puzzle that one. No, don't try. You don't have the tools of language or thought yet... but I do, haha.

"Actually, the universe is lacking in specific intelligence, and overwhelmed in inherent intelligence, and all this development and merging is trying to get one into the other. When what is waiting to be known is known, the process will be over and we will be one with everything. But hold the mustard. All smart people do have a sense of humor. The universe is one big chuckle. So, that's the tidbit." (4/30/96 - B#7)



"Papa says 'Hi,' but he was in Washington all day at Don's funeral. He said it was some kind of wonderful ceremony. They were flying, swapping damn boring war stories." (5/6/96 - W#31)



"It's my birthday and I can do anything I want. But first a message from the universe. Warning: Time as you know it does not exist, and days or dates represented herein are for symbolic purposes only. Ok, so just keep quiet and listen.

"21 years ago I made Mommy's life miserable and marvelous. Since then I have climbed walls, drunk more OJ than you can count, excelled at school (don't ask about middle school math); I have made jokes and told jokes; I created the world's best laugh--hahaha; I've helped NY Telephone increase its profits; I've learned to read and write and then craft words so that intangible feelings take substance on the page and in the heart; I've learned about snakes and shrooms and sex on a beach, and about Italian and Spanish and Turkish and French; I've had forced marches through the Marais; I've ridden buses for hours to get to camp in my backyard; I've had Papa as a private banker and Uncle Richie as a fat cat uncle; and I've known Lizzie and Ali and Debbie and Brian and so many more; I've ridden roller coasters and goddamn slow trains; I've seen a Rock named Buck and an Island named Shelter and another named for some woman's grapes; I've barfed in strange places and danced in strange ones, too; I've had afros and corn rolls and tresses and long strings; I've been black and white and mocha; I've been awake and asleep and often both at once; I've seen a Brook named Lyn and nine named Yankees, and a lady let me into her crown... no, I was only joking; I've turned 5 and 10 and 13 (ugh) and 16 (wow) and now I turn eternal, which means I get lots more birthdays. But this is what I have learned from all of that and them:

"We are who we are and whom we connect with. We do not choose who we are; we come into being and continue to come into being. But we can choose our connections. Will it be physical or psychic, love or hate, fear or courage, knowledge or superstition, good or evil, close or distant, honest or false, genuine or artificial, here and now or far away and later. Choices, choices, choices. And how we come into being or not depends on our choices. So today I celebrate the choices I have made and that you two have made. I celebrate love and acceptance and challenge and honesty and truth and compassion and courage and OJ. We are who we are, the three or six of us, because of these choices. I thank you for making those choices. I thank you for helping me make those choices. What more need be said.

"O yes, I love you and me. As I was saying, Happy Me Day and Happy You Day. I know it is sad for you, but here's the really tragic thought: no Me days. The risk in living is losing, but the odds with parents like you and kids like moi is, or are, so good to make the risks into meaning. Better to have lived and died than never to have lived at all. No doubt about that.

"So onward, as Whitman would say. And I am not about to read Song of Myself, but onward comrades, there is much road ahead. We shall need the stores of our past and the love of ourselves and the companionship of each other. Let today mark a remembering and a start of a vision. Cry a little and then laugh and be on your way. I shall always be with you in the trees beside the path, and later we shall all refresh in the springs of eternity in which we now unknowingly flow.

"That is my Birthday Ode." (5/10/96 - W#32)



"There is the three of us, and there's the six plus me of us, and then there are the unknown and unnumbered of us--but we'll find out someday. That is still unfolding over future lives, and I don't know who, either--more than 10, fewer than 25." (5/12/96 - W#33)



Papa:

"Hey babe, it's been a while but I've been busy. Don's good. Boy, can that guy fly. He takes me up in jets and I take him up in props, but I can do things he can't--like fly with no engine. Work is great but I don't have much time for it. The beach season is now and forever. Who could have thought. It's great all right, and no taxes.

"I'm feeling free. The whole universe is ahead. Remember when you were a kid and everything seems possible. Well here it is. And it is there, too, but few can see it once they grow up. We lose the language of childhood, which is the language of dreams. Many arrive here with no memory of those images and tools, so people like me have to give them voices.

"Believe, trust, dream. Do live and enjoy. Don't make life a task but experience it as a path of joy. If you can't see a beckoning horizon, change your point of view." (5/14/96 - W#34)


Julia:

"Hi, Elissa. I'm good but curious. Everybody says I ask great questions. I've been playing, writing, singing, chasing Sandy. ARF ARF. You know what I like to do most, collect things--thoughts, ideas, people, events. No rocks here. But remember the best days at camp with you and Marty. That's how it is, but better food. I made a joke.

"Am I happy? Yes and no. I miss my family but I know I am with them, too. So I guess yes. Do they know that? I think so. Mommy especially, and Eric the big boy. He doesn't talk much but he knows." (5/14/96 - W#35)


GW:

"A gracious welcome to our visitors from afar. Do you wish to talk politics. I am concerned. Our nation has lost its vision. Born as we were in rebellion, our greatest strength is always our revolutionary spirit; but forces of a most conservative nature now ask us to do without revolution and evolution. To maintain the past we are asked to give up our futures.

"Look at all the legislation and work this year. It is all about events in the past and correcting past wrongs. Where is the vision. Think what it took to fashion 13 into one. Think what it took to purchase Louisiana. Think what it took to build a railway across a continent. Think what it took to create the light bulb. Think what it took to build the Canal and rebuild after the Depression of '29. Think what it took to go to the moon. Now think about today. What do we have.

"I am grievously concerned. We have lost courage and replaced it with nostalgia. One comforts the spirit, but the other challenges the soul and the spirit of our whole nation. Work against fear so people can be truly free. But remember that radical is not revolutionary. The horizon of public view must be open for most of the people to see. If only those in the capitol see it, or if only the rich see it, or if only the poor see it, it is not enough.

"We have become a nation of parties, not collective vision. And we have become a land of laws rather than a pantheon of human goals. We worry more about what we cannot or should not do and less about what we should and can and must do. Change that and we will once again have a great nation. It is not that we have too much government, o no, but that the efforts of the people as expressed in government are no longer going forward. We protect too much and dream too little. If we could truly dream again, the government as we know it would be vastly too small.

"I leave your humble presence, with gratitude for your attention." (5/14/96 - W#36)



Terra from "the high plains of southern South America":

"Hello, city peoples of North America. I bring you a thought of perspective. Think about my world. If I want to go where it is warm I go north; the sun travels the sky north of me. It would be for you like living in a mirror. So, too, much of what you call life is actually like being in a mirror, not in reality as we here know it.

"Once in awhile death and life trade places. I mean, when things seem out of touch and out of place it may be because you have let your spirit step out of the mirror. But remember this: the image in the mirror and the original are all of the same. It doesn't matter if you see the image or the original--the same truths are there. Just like we people in South America still dream of stars, even if they are stars you can't see from where you are." (5/21/96 - W#37)



Papa:

"Lots of people never get a sense of who they are in life and therefore don't know the words to express their inner selves. I help those with unusual language loss problems to understand and use concepts that are beyond their language skills.

"It is quite common for people to be here and still think communications must take place in words. Their lack of language skills leaves them feeling out of it, but here words are just the surface and imperfect way of expressing things. Deeper ways of expressing things are equally available to all, but those skills have often been blocked by experience and doubts.

"To put it in your terms, try to describe the Empire State Building. Go ahead. You are describing surface reality. Now picture a picture of it. See how much more is communicated. Now think about having it right in front of you. Well, that's like how we can communicate. Forget words, think realities." (5/31/96 - W#38)



LS:

"I used to be a housewife in Bulgaria. Life was very hard. I go to school only four years. Then I worked for my parents in their garden while they work in factories. I also watch two brothers and one sister. Later I grow up and get married, have one baby, but he dies in winter. My husband dies in big war. I am alone. But on the cold nights I lie awake and voices come, I do not know from where. Soon I hear my husband again and many others. I am afraid. I tell no one. But I have to tell. They say I am too stupid to be gifted like that but I keep telling what I hear. They take me to science institute and test me. Then they believe I have gift. But they send me home because they say I not look good enough to be spokesperson. So instead of Moscow I go home and people come to me for voices."

Rikkity: "I wanted you to be here to show everyone a simple truth. Being open to the universe does not require education or sophistication." (5/31/96 - W#39)



"The natural state of being is trust. Babies--those cute little things--begin by trusting. They have to experience otherwise or else they just trust. Loss does not destroy trust, betrayal does. In Tarzan, he trusts until, as a man, the British teach him to mistrust.

"Erikson was half right. There are tensions between things like faith and doubt, etc., but the natural state is the positive and people have to unlearn that. Left alone people are good, with support they're even better; but with the opposite they can go bad. The propensity of the universe is towards goodness and understanding. Remember, when you see a person for whom goodness is not natural that entity will not be sustained as a spiritual continuity.

"So to trust yourself is natural, and if you don't you have experienced something to keep you from that. All the self-esteem workshops don't work unless you get to understand why you don't have esteem--what have you experienced and how can you get beyond it. It is not a constructive activity, but a cleansing one." (6/1/96 - R#12)



Otto Schwerming, auf Hanover:

"He vas just a little green behind his ear but I hire him anyway. What a good ting I do. So how's my little sweet ting. The limelight, the songs, the gowns--it cost so much but you vere vorth it. You vere sensational. Packed house, even on Tuesdays. 30 years you vere the darlink of Hanover, but by day no one knew you. You were a librarian--French stuff, bibliotheque. And your wife was so good about keeping secret. She was once my singer, too, but when you come she no longer draws crowds. But you make her wife, Anna Marie. You have three children, one of each. Hahahahaha. No, you have two--one of each.

"But I vant to talk about business, not family. Do you still act. A minister. Who would have believed. Vell, we'll think of you but Hanover vill never be the same vithout you." (6/7/96 - W#40)


Rikkity: "The Flying Ditzo Brothers: it's Papa and Don:"

Papa: "Hi, guys."

Don: "Hello, people."

Papa: "We've been high flying but Don likes jets and I'm still a prop man."

Don: "Randy, you were right, no walls. And I can talk to you. All those years I resisted death but now I see the resistance was not about death but about issues in life. I had to believe, and in our culture believing is too connected to churches. Once I saw that belief is a matter of being, not of religions, I could let go and believe. And look Wendy, I can fly. And Milt's a great guy to hang out with."

Papa: "So, he's a real hero! We both think the military was great and run by idiots--except for his friends, and boy does he have friends. We spent some time with JB the other day. Troubled guy. Good guy but troubled. Too smart to be an idiot. Took stuff too seriously for such a stupid organization. But hey, that's death. We got to go. Great flying weather." (6/7/96 - W#41)



LV:

"I was talking with EB about what she said to you the other day about connections. All I did was look for connections in a world of differentiation. She's so right. If your vision is wide open and you look for unities not differences, they will call you a genius. If everything is part of a whole then there are always connections." (6/20/96 - W#42)



"Time is not a reality, so vacations make no sense. Sometimes I am working hard and doing nothing at the same moment. If physics can say a thing can be in two places at once, then I can be doing two things at once. So there." (6/22/96 - B#8)



GW:

"I was talking about regrets, and the one that comes to mind is slavery. We know so little in our lifetimes of the larger vision. We do what seems right and just. But I say this to your time: Those who would spend their energy on discrediting us for our ancient faults will probably be remembered for failing to confront the issues of their own time.

"It's easy to solve history's problems, but hard to solve one's own. Mr. Jefferson, Mr. Monroe, Mr. Franklin and all the rest, they dealt with their time and thus created a future. Those who deal with the past create a past but not a future, and surely not a reality. As your EB would say, ponder that." (6/30/96 - W#43)


Marcel:

"Bonjour. You perhaps remember me. I was your stock keeper. And you were so kind. I always worked for you, later as handyman at the inn--the auberge, Auberge Trianon. You stole the name to sound more impressive.

"And you sir, you of the dresses. I drive you in a carriage to Alsace, saying you were my sister. Boy, were you ugly. The Germans will fall for anything.

"Madame, you are well. Better than those days of terror. It is better, remember that. We all think of you often and pray for you. Even in those dark days we knew how to laugh. The best was the watered-down wine we gave the English, and they always loved it. And the sausage that we told them was the best--best of what we never said. Haha. So, be well. Our service is yours. Au revoir." (6/30/96 - W#44)



JT (on Ocracoke Island):

"And a welcome to you, mates. I sailed along the Atlantic coast around Portsmouth in the late 1700s after the Revolution. I avoided war ships.

"It was quite a life. We would lay off an island and wait. Then the lookout would call 'Ship.' This might take days. And then, if the wind blew right, we would overtake 'er and have our way with 'er. Yes we were pirates, and proud of it. Even though I share initials with the famous one, I was small time and lived out my life on a North Carolina plantation I bought with my earnings. Had my way with a few women, too. Some were scared but some liked to play pirate. They called me 'The Rogue.'

"I was more clever than cruel. I had a set of flags made up for all countries; so I would sail up and they would greet me like a countryman and then I would say, 'Surprise,' and we would board and plunder. I hated those mercantile ships--all cloth and junk.

"Ahhh, those were the days. I was happy in the end because on the plantation I made more money with less worry. But I was young and adventure called. I wouldn't recommend piracy as a trade. Too many friends left before their times.

"I am about to shove off. I've got to go plunder the breakfast buffet. Your Ericka told me to say that. When you sail home, watch the horizon carefully. Be well." (7/16/96 - W#45)


MW:

"Hello kind sir and madam. I was once called MW. Since then I have lived in New York in a tenement and worked in a factory. I had so many friends, and I was just one of them. It was a relief to just fit in. Being MW wasn't always easy, but my husband was a truly great man--thoughtful, courageous.

"What you need to remember is that behind all the grandeur of those times was suffering and travail. Life was not easy even for the best of us. I stood with endless women crying at the graves of hope. No day was certain, and pain was always just a moment away. We did what we could to secure a better future.

"You would be wise to follow EB's advice. If you do not look forward you will be consumed by the past so full of loss and pain and fear and doubt. Where and how you are now seemed far distant to us then, but we had to proceed with that vision rather than be consumed by our realities. So dream, and then work towards that dream." (7/16/96 - W#46)



"JT told you to watch the horizon. Sometimes all you see is the horizon, but what's better than that. JT is a philosopher more than a pirate. But he asks the following: 'While you were watching the horizon what did you miss that was happening right beside you. You'll never know.' Ha." (7/20/96 - W#47)

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