"Hello, good friends. I am well, and vexed. It is the problem of image as opposed to personality. Now, I will be the first to admit that I, humble person, did make mistakes and err. I was no more or less human than any of my time. When later they honored me with my name on this or that, I took it as a symbol of that which I represented--not of myself. People wanted to remember the spirit of revolution, of beginnings, of courage; I was just a convenient figure-head of such. But now they want to take down my name because I wasn't perfect; but what that naming stood for was visionary. And what they do is substitute another name, now viewed as more perfect; but what of another century, when time and society shall view those in their imperfection. Do we abandon Socrates, Jesus, the Buddha, or any because they were products of their time. Better to call it 'P.S. 34' than to make a succession of names once glorious and now tarnished in hindsight.

"And there is also the fallacious notion that to focus on the present and reject the past is the same as envisioning the future. But what if we leave my friend Mr. Jefferson with all his monuments, but acknowledge that he was human--made choices we have learned not to make. Can't he serve as historic example as well as testament to our human growth. You have no God, so you create gods--but you know they aren't.

"And I also suggest this to those who wish to rename: don't build through destruction. If you want something that bears honor to one of your choosing, then build it yourself. What is happening here is no better than what happened in Russia at the Revolution, when great art was destroyed. Don't tear down, build up. I would be proud to have a school named for me with a brand new auditorium attached named for Malcolm X. Such synthesis would tell the real American story. So I take leave of the good company." (12/5/97 - W#79)

Rikkity: “And now, here’s someone who needs lots of introduction.”

BT:

"I will speak about myself. I was an adventurer. I left St. Louis in '48 for California. I hoped for gold. And then I caught a clipper for the Orient. I lived 20 years among the Asians. I was short and fit in.

"That was amazing. I learned more about myself than about them. And this is what I learned: that some cultures invite you to learn about yourself, and others about them. And it is strange that in America, where the emphasis is on the individual, the ethos is on learning the culture--there is a constant tension. And yet in communal societies there is often a drive to self-awareness. In seeking balance we humans often glorify the opposites of the prevailing ethos. But I ask you to envision a culture that invites both and all. It is already but not yet. I leave you this assignment." (12/5/97 - W#80)

Rikkity: “And here’s someone who can’t be introduced because you know him.”

Papa:

"Hi, babe. I want you to hear about something I learned. Don't get caught in patterns like Hazel and I did. I'm not saying just one of us could change it, but don't get stuck. And remember, your thumbs are your best assets. Try doing things without them.

"What I mean is this: that a little friendly opposition is necessary to progress. Without opposing thumbs we couldn't do a lot we have. They are part of a set. And is it the thumb that opposes, or the fingers. Doesn't matter. You need both...and a beach chair."

“She says, ‘Bye, Papa. Now. I mean it.’ " (12/5/97 - W#81)

Rikkity: “And just one more word: ‘With or without.’ And she’s out of here.

"So, that’s the show. Keep a stiff upper lip and when you pout no one will tell. UTV”



Community and Vision

Announcer: “And hi to all those just joining us. Today we discuss artichokes: appetizers or main dish. Plus wine choices for use with candy. Those of you expecting Ericka’s Bench should tune to Channel 475. Now, the Artichoke Lady.”

Rikkity: “And welcome to the Bench. Technical problems... don’t ask. Grubby cooking woman took over. So I said to her, ‘How come if you can cook so good, you’ve been single for 3 lives,’ and POOF I’m on 475. Must have friends in high places. How strange is it?

“Today we welcome a person and a person and another person, and then goodbye. Let’s put our wings together for our great friend, TJ.”

TJ:

"And a good morning to you all. Rikkity has asked me to speak about community and vision. You wondered about how the colonies could arise as one mass against the yoke of Britain. We had two powerful agents: community and vision.

"Too often people believe that community is based on proximity. We are in community, they say, with those around us. But I ask you to consider your own experience. Have you not seen a Greek, for example, who meets for the first time another Greek. They live miles apart, but they sense community. This is because community is different from society and culture. Community is that circle in which we eat or partake in common, but it need not be just those at our table. My brothers in Connecticut tasted the same meal of fraud and oppression as I. If I were to travel as a blind man within these colonies, I would scarce know where I was but for the accents--the meat of the conversations being so much in common. We always need to sense the largest community of which we are a part; and if we look only to those at our table, we will have neglected the larger good.

"But no community ever really exists without vision. A group going nowhere or backwards is but a mob; a group going forward is a community, for a real community is always about growth, development, and ideals. Communities that seek the status quo, they are prisons, not communities--prisons of souls.

"And I am told I am done. But I say ‘I may be done but I am rare.’ Even she is laughing. And a good holiday season to you, whatever be your holiday or season." (12/12/97 - W#82)

Rikkity: “And now, moving right along, it’s PP... or MK... or nutso. Make that peanutso with butter.”

Papa:

"So, what do you think of that TJ. I think his genius is that he says big words and big thoughts but even little people in little lives can understand. That's always the way with vision. It is almost self-evident, just needing a little illumination. I always thought that about Judaism. The first 2 books of the Torah stated some big ideas in ways for little people. They should have stopped there. Then they began to deal with little ideas, and poof--it's all nothing. It was no longer visionary.

"So, too, with what our darling Ericka is sharing. It is elegant and grand and o so simple, even little thinkers can get it. So a word of advice from your Dad--if you are not too old to take it. Don't make it fancy or complicated. Its beauty is in its elegant simplicity.

“She says to say goodbye and go. So I will. Write if you get work. 10-4." (12/12/97 - W#83)

Rikkity: “And now, a final guest and new to the Bench, VY.”

VY:

"Hello. I was involved with music once. I was an organist many years ago--or will you understand, many lives ago. And I had the honor of premiering one work for organ by Mr. Bach. Not one of his biggest hits, a simple choral prelude. Never met him. It was a commission work.

"But this is what I have to say: Don't think that all learning and remembering is about ideas. It is also about people. We take into our vision of self those others who we learn from. Over many lives we do indeed become more fully ourselves, and we also become others in this sense. When we can finally connect and evolve, it is because we have become whole as ourselves and complex as an image of those who have given us the wisdom we remember. The most highly evolved people not yet gone on are always those who seem startlingly themselves and also universally appealing or open. Many feel they can connect to them for this reason. And that's all I have to say." (12/12/97 - W#84)

Rikkity: “And so that’s the show. UTV.”



LD:

"What I want to talk about today is fashion--as in things coming into and going out of fashion. By the end of my life, I was out of fashion in Italy. Too often we measure an idea or tradition by how fashionable it is. One of your religious leaders spoke of the transient and the permanent; that is an apt phrase, and it has nothing to do with fashion. The test we need to take is one of permanence, even as we know that true permanence is eternally fleeting. But in our own small time it is not, and so we ask about what endures. For example, there are new experiences that transcend the ages. They are permanent. There are others which have reign for a span of years and are transient.

"Always look for what endures beneath, beyond, within the present moment. I speak as well to now as then because I did this. And it cost me favor and temporal permanence, but that is not a worry. When you travel with the permanent there are no real problems, just what she calls 'hassles.' If you travel the contemporary road only, you will have many troubles which will seemingly have no permanent relief. In other words, if you want to be in this for the long haul, then choose a path that has longevity. And, I must add, Christianity does not yet have longevity. It is as much about current fashion as about permanence.

"The universality of the human experience tells of permanence. That's the best measure. Talk to a bushman about contemporary art and you two will have little to say to each other. Talk with him about dreams and the conversation has no end." (1/9/98 - W#85)


Papa:

"Wait, LD is trying to say something. Huh. Ok. He says, 'First-timers have no sense of which is which. It takes time to understand time; and when you do, you realize it has no intrinsic value but it carries within its strands continuity, and hence permanence.' I hope you know what he meant.

"Time: it's about 11 inches by 9 inches and comes out weekly. But in its pages everything is there at the same time at the time you read it. So when do those events happen for you. Say there is an article on hummm...coin dealing. One person reads the article and the next day uses the insights in a deal. Another completes a deal, then reads the article and has a better understanding of what went on. Which is the real sequence in time. It's different for everyone, and our collective notion of time is just a majority agreement. 30 seconds or 18 hours--who decides. And she does, so I leave." (1/9/98 - W#86)



"That vision you had about us in France. Secret... shhhh... they will find out. Do you remember how Alphonse had us working 20 hours a day for weeks to get our hands as rough as workers' would be. Talk about blood, sweat, and tears. It was worth it.

"You were nicer after brother left. I think you were jealous of him. Thinking about it makes me sad. Tragedy. When you go back, you will be able to remove the veil of tears and redeem our joy. The secrets will be revealed." (2/1/98 - W#87)



Ericka's Bench

Rikkity: “UTV. Hi and welcome to my Bench. And what a show we’ve got for you: 4 visitors from the Great Beyond. So, let’s start off with a man who needs no introduction.”

GW:

"Hello, fellow citizens. Now I must become a bit contemporary. We were vexed as subjects for many years, and we attempted to deal with the situation on a peaceful level. I would rather have continued that way, but our brothers in the Bay Colonies would not have it so. So the tide was turned, but there was not a night from then on that I did not consider how many lives on both sides were lost that might have been saved if we had been resolute in our quiet resolution.

"In your own time, do not too hastily move to violence lest your sleep be as disturbed as mine. I have made my peace with it, but I think there is an issue for the nation. Shall we be a nation of war or of peace. In times of peace it is easily done, but in times of conflict the ease drops away and real courage is needed; and real courage is the courage of peace, not arms--especially as you have arms today."

"I have little else to say, but I commend your attention to this kind companion of mine.” (2/19/98 - W#88)

MW:

"Hello. GW is quite the talker, is he not. Like all men. They have many words, but only a few have any that matter. So, better to have those worthless words kept in the company of ale than in the parlor of kind affection. But I would say to him, 'Talk all you want with all you desire at the inn, but in this house let them be just the genteel folks with manners of talk and custom.' He said he did. But this I learned: that the quiet words of privacy are often that much deeper than those said in public. So I do believe the general and I heard more wisdom over tea than was ever spoken in either the inn or tavern or Congress--unless Mr. Jefferson was speaking.

"But I tell you this sincerely, that the truest conversations were those in my own heart. Encouraged by the Gospels, I found my own counsel as worthy as any I heard elsewhere. It was a necessity in a time when everyone was shouting. I am now aware of an even quieter communication.

“She is making those gestures, so I bid you adieu." (2/19/98 - W#89)

Rikkity: “And now we move to the great warrior of North Africa.”

Papa:

"Hi, babe. Hi, Randy. They are graced by my presence. Here, we who are not first- or second- or third-timers are all equals. Makes it easier.

"You know, it can be wonderful when it's dull. People mistake activity for pleasure; you mistake pleasure for activity. Everyone here is well and dead.

“And now I get to introduce another guest. She said I could if I kept it short, which reminds me.... You should see her face. Here’s WH." (2/19/98 - W#90)

WH:

"Hello. I never was educated much or had a position, but I learned and remembered this: Everyone must have a sense of connection, and also a sense of becoming, and also a sense of hope. Then, whatever is achieved is fulfillment because it is a link between Earth and Heaven and all the spirits therein. So, if you do not feel connected and hopeful and grounded and full of dreams, why not. It's that simple. She says you should ponder that, and that I should go. So ponder and bye-bye." (2/19/98 - W#91)

Rikkity: “Well, that’s the show, folks. And have fun. UTV.”



Papa:

"I was looking good [when you saw me at the beach], was I not--and younger. If only we could turn back time. We can play act at reliving events, but not real. We come back over to do it again, and hopefully better. Who knows. When we play act it seems real, but we know everyone else is acting." (4/28/98 - W#92)


Marky:

"Those stupid British soldiers with those beavers for heads. Short blokes with rodent brains. Stout not wine, gristle not meat, juices not sauces, and no candies... pies and fruitcakes. The national symbol: fruitcakes. Full of nuts. Tea they call 'cuppa' and dinner they call 'tea.' But wait, we have 'lunch,' but before that we have a 'little lunch.' Go figure. So who knows. But their biggest problem is not that they have quirks, but that they believe that their quirks are norms--not just for them, but everyone.

"One should always remember it is alright to have one's own peculiarities if one knows them as one's own, not as universals. Here's the point: matters of taste are never universal; customs neither. The definition of each is their lack of universality. So, we French want France to be French, but who cares about the rest of the barbarians. When we travel we enjoy what we find, while others enjoy what they take along. Can't learn or remember much from the latter.

"And so I take leave of you, your humble and always wise servant. Beware any who ask you to be spiritual in earthly ways. Get it. Here you play by our rules or you don't play. Au revoir." (6/6/98 - W#93)


Celeste:

"Good afternoon, or morning, or evening. I've lost track of time. And you know I was a tea lady, but what you don't know is why. Actually, I was a professor at a women's college when the war broke out. Soon I was finding myself too often at the depot with one of my young ladies who was there to receive her young man again on stretcher or crutches or bier. I held their hands and took them in for tea. And then I looked around and saw the tearoom filled with strangers, and I knew they all needed to connect. So when my own Willie didn't come home, I signed on part-time at the tearoom. I found too many who ordered tea but wanted life, so I was there to speak of life and trust and understanding and faith. I spoke of half-filled cups overflowing with memories and love. Many a cup turned salty with our tears. And I learned so much and remember it so well. I was blessed.

"Here's my point: we all have much we can do and something we must do and, often, something we have to do. Do what you have to and do what you can, but never--no, never--forsake that which you must. It is the stuff of heart and soul, of saint and seer, of universal and eternal. And often it's over a cup of tea or a quiet drink or a sit at sundown. It often is in the ordinary, not the therapeutic or the counsel or the solemn. I have said enough. Goodbye."

Rikkity: "So, was that a surprise. Don't judge a tea lady by her job." (6/6/98 - W#94)


TL:

"Rikkity hasn't changed, no, but yes. It's the same old story: nothing lost but much enhanced. Remember, almost all of what you think of as bad in your world is a lack of something, not the presence of something. So when the void is filled, you lose nothing--literally--and gain something and are enhanced. And now I will go." (6/16/98 - W#95)



Great-grandma Harry:

"So, how you been. Tell me about it--or better don't. I travel and meet the greatest people. I'm dapper. I know how to dress: wingtips, tweed, and the tie and matching handkerchief, and hat--felt, brown with a rakish feather, red. I am happy. It's great, but no market for medical goods. But who needs work.

"I befriend those who are on the road but alone. That is, those who have no contact here nor back there. Some there be who travel the heavens alone but star in their own galaxy, which I help them see. Some recently, and some long dead. And I must go. I go and come." (7/15/98 - W#96)


Lenny:

"So how's it going. So look, I got a great deal for you. You could use a new TV. Only $100 for 32-inch. In the original carton. Factory-sealed overstock. No damage. Brand new. I got it at my store at Park and 134th--it's a corner, after 10pm. So maybe $75 and you take 2. So what is it, you don't trust Lenny? She said you fell for everything. So, why do you not trust me and you trust those other dealers and hucks who try to fill your head with garbage. 'Just keep that thought,' she says. I gotta run."

Rikkity: "He's so cute. He's such a dealer. GW will explain. And now, the father of our country--and what a delivery it was." (7/31/98 - W#97)


GW:

"You have met my young acquaintance, Lenny; and you note I don't say friend. But he is full of words, so are so many others. I warn you of this: unless you sanctify your spirit, do not accept the words of such as he.

"Here's what I mean. None of us here would ever suppose to imagine or ordain what the coming age will be like. I can tell you this, however. The coming age will not be built from models that have been or are prescribed, but will arise as the natural consequence of the combined wills of all the beings who shape your world. The human task is to strive for personal fulfillment of spirit, so that the collective spirit may flourish and excel and become fulfilled in itself. If one tries to imagine the forms it will take before they arise naturally, they will be either misled or mistaken or even atrophied. So when a Lenny comes to sell you the future, know that it's not his to give--nor anyone else's--but it is yours and ours and everyone's to create together. Those who have the most complete picture of heaven will probably never see it. So don't be quick to listen to Lenny, or fasten yourself to images and models that do not come from yourself. That is to prejudge.

"But we so long for an answer, we do not hear its eternal chime in the voices of those who join together in the chorus of questions. For the Earth did not spring up from a previous plan, but came forth from the void as the thought-piece of the eternal ones. It was nothing like what had been or been imagined.

"And now I must take a gracious leave of this good company, with warnings that there are Lennys everywhere--even in the spiritual dimension." (7/31/98 - W#98)


GW at a chat session on Energy:

"A gracious good evening to you, and to all your company. I would like to say a few words about war. One of my times was during the American Revolution. The British wanted to keep us as an energy source, so to speak. The British, at that time, were 'collecting' energy sources. We were willing, at first, to comply, because we received from them all manner of advantages--such as an established government, protection from enemies, goods we could not make ourselves, etc. But then the balance began to shift. They began to ask more of us than they gave in return, and we could not live with that. We tried and tried. We made excuses for them and proclaimed our loyalty and asked their indulgence... but they were not indulgent, they were demanding; and we simply hadn't the resources to satisfy their demands. It became impossible for us to live under those conditions. So we revolted, with sadness and regret, but with vision and hope for a better future for this country. And now I thank you for your attendance here, and for listening to this old spirit rant on. I bid you a gracious good evening." (9/27/98 - W#99)


MCP at a chat session on Living and Enjoying:

"Thank-a you-a all! It's good to be here! I want to talk about hats-a. Elissa and RevRandy think I like-a big hats-a because they're funny and because they can see them from a distance. But it's more than that, as you've probably guessed by now. Distance is the key, and my hats keep me just a little bit apart from my friends and fellow travelers.

"Traveling does that, too, does it not. We travel for many reasons: to see new places, to meet new people, to get away from where we've been. But what we usually find when we return is that we have a new perspective on where we started from. We can't see clearly when we're too close, and we can't know one another unless we have a little distance between us. So, when you're on your path and you meet friends and fellow travelers, laugh with them and talk with them, live and enjoy with them, but keep in mind that although they are on the path with you they are not you, you are not them.

"We all have our own place and we are not interchangeable. We are parts of a grand universal puzzle, and we don't yet have the perspective to see the whole picture. Be concerned with your own journey. And have fun! Thanks for listening. I have to go change my hat now. Nice-a to-a meet-a you-a all-a! Buona sera." (10/4/98 - W#100)


Marky at a chat session on Learning and Remembering:

"Bonjour, dear friends! Bonjour? Bonsoir. May I have your attention, s'il vous plait? Thank you. I was in the military, so I still say these things. I am a friend of Rikkity's, as you know. I also am her guide, and she is mine. We guide each other. We share our wisdom and learnings and help each other grow. It's about connections... but in a way it is also about differences. And that is what I would like to talk about tonight.

"You all know the Garden of Eden story from Genesis? It is part of our culture; we are weaned on it. But who really understands it? The story is about learning and remembering! Now, Adam and Eve, they had it all--love, and each other, and oolala the food! What didn't they have? They did not have remembering, and never would have it if they stayed in the Garden. Why? Because they had to leave to experience what they had to remember. You cannot learn, and therefore you cannot remember... and they could not learn because they had no personal responsibility! There were no consequences for their actions!

"Now, let's talk about fig leaves. What is that all about? Ok, what do the leaves cover? What is the 'generic' term we use for that 'area'? Private parts, no? It is not about shame, it is not about temptation, it is about keeping what is private private! It is about BOUNDARIES. If there are no boundaries between you, there is no personal responsibility. And if there is no personal responsibility, there is no what? Learning or remembering. To recap: The Garden of Eden story... it is about two people who had no personal responsibility and no consequences for the actions and no boundaries between them. What happened? They could not learn! And if they could not learn, they surely could not remember! So they had to accept responsibility and they had to wear clothing, or fig leaves, to cover what was private so they could have boundaries. And then they began to learn.

"The man and the woman represent different physical energies. They are aspects of the same thing--sexuality--but they are different, and have to experience each other in order to learn certain lessons.They are not the same, and that of course is one of the lessons (a pleasant one, I might add!) The blame comes in when the story is misunderstood. It was not just the woman who wanted that apple. Why is that not clear? The man took it willingly. It was his decision, too. He was not just a 'pawn' in the game! He was a team player. The decision, the choice, was a mutual one and it was made for growth and purpose. This was not a mistake, but what they needed to do in order to become fully who they were. But now I must go. So I bid you all adieu and thank you." (10/11/98 - W#101)


MW at a chat session on Grief, Death, and the Afterlife:

"Dearest friends, I thank you for your gracious attention. My life as MW was filled with loss--2 children and 2 husbands. My darling Patsy was the light of my life. She was but 12 when she passed over here, and then my son followed. I have stood beside the graves of many--both my own family and that of my friends; for in my time, death was a daily visitor and a close companion.

"I would like to share with you some thoughts and questions I have found helpful. We question a lot here, you know--probably more than you do there--and one of my questions has to do with burials. Why is it that we consign our loved ones to the ground? I have pondered this, and I'll tell you what thought has arisen. The Earth is our hope. The Earth contains our hope for healing and rebirth. I do not believe it is 'ashes to ashes, dust to dust.' I believe that we look to the Earth for growth; and so that is where we put our beloved ones, that their death might encourage hope to grow within our souls. The Earth is a healing thing. Anyone who has ever been in pain and found that the song of the birds or the smell of the honeysuckle or the wind through the trees has brought them peace knows what I mean. There is great healing in nature, and we do not often realize this until we are in pain. We take it for granted; but it is our home, our foundation, our security; and yes, our hope for the future.

"Here's another thought for you: if there were a rainstorm, what would survive, the tree or the moss? Silly question, you might say, but let's see what it means. The moss has no roots. It clings to the Earth for dear life, but it doesn't commit to it. It remains on the surface and never really becomes part of it. It cannot withstand a storm because it is not connected and it is not committed to life. The tree grows roots deep into the Earth. Nothing grows deeper roots than trees, and yet it does not stay below the ground; and we do not define a tree by its roots, but there is its connection to life. The tree does not question why or how or how much... it simply accepts, commits, and grows. We all could learn a lot from the strength of trees. They are there for us, and the Earth is there for us--a sort of 'university of the spirit.' So the tree remains through the storm, and the moss washes away. Perhaps the next time you find yourself down on your knees asking 'why,' you might remember this simple story. I leave it for you to ponder, and now I must take my leave. Thank you, dear friends, for your gracious attention and company. I bid you a fond farewell." (10/18/98 - W#102)


TL at a chat session on Time:

"Thank you. It is the end of Daylight Savings Time. Let's think together a bit about how we look at time, because how we look at it has to do with how we experience it. 'Time is money.' You've all heard that expression... well, I was an accountant so that means a lot to me. But hear what these things are saying: time is money, wasting time, spending time, making time, doing time, having time. We are telling ourselves that time is a resource! Time is not an entity (hi, Seth!) in and of itself; it is a resource for us to use, just as numbers are.

"The number 1, is that a thing? Does it exist apart from our idea of it? Did you ever meet a 'one'? How many forty-threes have you encountered in the supermarket lately? We know that numbers have no reality in and of themselves... why then do we persist in believing that days do? Days are only our way of measuring time. Time is a unit of measure, wholly created by man, to be used as a reference; something to put existence into perspective--which, of course, we must do because we cannot physically deal with reality any other way.

"Think about a spreadsheet for a moment. I'm sure that some of you have known the 'joy of budgeting'! A spreadsheet goes in two directions. The columns that go down are the ones we label with our categories, and the lines that go across are the ones for each day. The days are our measurement of time, but in order to sum up our 'balances' and see the totals, we do not look at the entries for each day, we look down the columns. We know that the important thing to look at is the content of the categories, not the daily activity. It's the same with time.You may have one category called 'Eating out at nice restaurants,' one called 'Chatting online with friends,' one called 'Vacations,' one called 'School,' one called 'Love and Marriage,' one called 'Children,' one called 'Holidays,' and on and on and on. Your life is filled with and by these rich and various contents of your categories, not by the hours in your days... or the days of your lives, haha.

"When you want to add up the balance of a life, you do not measure it in how many days a person existed physically, you measure it by how full the columns are. What's the total? We don't care about the crap that goes in between, and we don't care about how long the columns are. What we care about intensely and eternally and completely is this: What fills your columns? I have finished my little speech, and I will bid you all a fond farewell, as my friend MW likes to say. Goodnight, and thank you for having me here. Ahhh, I almost forgot. You may take your break, hahahahaha." (10/25/98 - W#103)


Terra at a chat session on Purpose of Life, Connection, and the Evolution of the Soul:

"It is my pleasure to be with you. We have not had many chances to speak together, but when we have it was most enjoyable for me. Dear friends, I have come tonight to talk about connection, about separation, and about perspective.

"I made my home in a land very far from here and very different. Our ways were unlike yours and our skies were as well. When I looked up, I saw very different stars, and a different pattern than the one you see. And yet I still saw stars, did I not. And that is a very simple example of how we can focus on connections instead of differences. You see, it starts in these small ways--looking for the universals in our experience; looking for the connections.

"I used to like to ride my beautiful brown mare across our ranch lands. It was a wonderful feeling of freedom--almost like flight. But every so often I would run up against an obstacle... a fence would present itself. I would stop, although I could have forced it to yield to me. I would let it stop me; accepting my boundaries, but knowing I could still see beyond them. I did not have to be on the other side in order to know what it looked like and what was there. You see? So although there was separation, there was connection and understanding.

"Now, I had the gift of seeing in another way as well. I was a psychic, as many of you here are. But in my world and time that separated me from many whom I loved and who loved me. They saw me as different, strange, alien, and they locked me up in an asylum because they didn't know what else to do. You see, they were defined by who they were not, and they were not like me... or so they thought. They could not keep me there, because of course I was not crazy. But it broke my heart at the same time it taught me how we separate ourselves from one another by our own definitions of who we are. What a waste.

"Do you know the story of Pinocchio? Many children love this story, but not many understand its deeper meaning. Pinocchio was Rikkity's favorite children's story, by the way, and so she is grinning at me. Pinocchio had to learn how to be a 'real' boy. That meant he had to learn who he was; but more than that, he had to learn who he was in connection with others, and the only way he could do it was by being 'reborn' from the belly of the whale. Like Jonah. But read the story again and see if you can find the thread that runs through it that you might have missed before. Pinocchio tries to define himself in terms of what he is not, or what he wants to be, or who he believes he should be, or what others say they want him to be. It doesn't work. When he accepts who he is, and his connection to his father, that is when he becomes himself. This may seem simplistic, but often it is the simple things we miss on our journey. Never forget that everything you find in your world is a signpost, a symbol, a puzzle to be deciphered, a code. Physical life is a richness of symbolic meanings.

"And so the next time you look up at the stars, remember that they are not the same stars everyone sees, but that everyone sees stars and admires their light. Be connected to all things loving, protected from all things evil, and guided in all ways gracious. I bid you goodnight." (11/8/98 - W#104)


At a chat session on Rikkity's Entity and Friends:

"Hey guys, what's up? So, welcome to the end of the rainbow. It's quite a journey we've had together. But it's far from over. As a matter of fact, it's just begun! And it will continue to begin and become, and in another sense it has been and it's over and it was awesome! I am here tonight as Dorothy. I have with me GW as the Cowardly Lion, CT as the Scarecrow, and TL as the Tin Man. Also lurking in the background are MW, Terra, Marky, and MCP. And I believe Papa and Don promised to do a fly-over and buzz the chatroom!

"I'm going to talk to you a little bit about journeys and about doors. Have you ever noticed how many doors are in The Wizard of Oz? Have you ever noticed how many different kinds of doors there are in the story? There are hatches and curtains and heavy wooden gates and beautifully carved portals. This a story about doors. Dorothy must go through one to get to Oz, and then go through a whole series of them before she gets to go home. So, let's all link arms and follow that yellow brick road of learning and remembering together for a while.

"As you skip down the path--or dance, as I like to--with your friends, you will encounter many doors and many experiences. You will care for one another and you will bandage each other's wounds. You will sleep and you will play. You will run and you will hesitate. You will laugh and you will cry in terror and pain. You are all on the same path, the same road, and you travel through so many similar experiences. You will perhaps reach Oz, perhaps not (in this lifetime, I mean). But you will get there eventually, and you will march up to that gate and 'bid it open.' What will your door look like. At that moment, you will need to know what your door looks like--and it will not be the same door everyone passes through. CT and TL and GW and MW and Terra cannot all be channeled at once. Mommy would be upset! Haha. And although we can travel with arms linked together, when we get to our own door it will be ours alone. It is at that point that we must know it and be willing to go through it and be willing to accept that the journey is over at this level. Now, it also means we must trust. We must trust ourselves enough to feel we are finished; and we must trust each other enough to know that, when we take that deep breath and bid our door open and step through to the other side, all of our friends and loved ones will be either waiting there to greet us or will be there in the fullness of time.

"This journey is about trust. And this journey is about connecting with one another and looking behind the curtain without fear. Take my hand, and take the hand of the person next to you. Draw courage from us and from each other. Now look toward your future and know that it is as glorious as the Land of Oz. We are here for a purpose. It is not the purpose that was ordained or determined, but it is happening because we are ready for it to happen. You all are brave and beautiful souls, and we rejoice in your becoming and in your learning and remembering. Stay on the path with one another... follow the Yellow Brick Road and it will lead you to Oz. But to get home you must find the door within your own soul, and click your own heels.

"There's something I want to share with you, because you all have become friends to me. When I left your world, I had learned one thing: how to love. That was my gift and my treasure, and I share it with all of you. I trusted who I was and that who I was was enough. I knew I could not be perfect and that some people wanted me to be. But I trusted I was ok and that if there were things I needed that I did not have, someone else would have them. Two weeks before I died, I wrote this, and it's written on my plaque at my gravesite:

In my world, friends have been seasons and I have lived as treely as a tree can. Shedding shedding always shedding friendly leaves. I want, more than everything, to be granted wings and move with the sun and to be able to hold you all close to me. So sing around me and dance and cry. Yell about frustration and throw things at me. Think about life and touch me and know me. And maybe if I stand really still, and wish really hard for the summer to stay, it won't. But maybe you will.

"And now, with tears in my eyes, I know you will. I love you all. Love one another. Be connected to all things loving, protected from all things evil, and guided in all ways gracious (and forgive mommy's typing for she knows not what she does!). Goodnight." (11/15/98 - W#105)


Papa:

"Hello. Been busy in the basement, hahaha. Actually, Eri is the talker and I'm the doer. I have so many that depend on me. And they are all grateful--not like the living, if you catch my drift. So I stay very busy--which I like--with my stuff. Why is it that if you do it for others, or do it concretely, they say you are working; but if you do it for yourself spiritually, you aren't working. So I choose to say 'busy' not 'work.' All the friends at the beach depend on my wit and wisdom, ha. And Don doesn't like to fly alone. It's like that: busy, but not working. But here we don't need money. And so I've got to go, I'm busy. But thanks for the [anniversary] flowers and peanut butter. Love you." (11/27/98 - W#106)


MW at a chat session on External Expectations:

"Thank you, and welcome to all the dear souls present. I have something to say about expectations that comes from experience. In one of my lives I was quite famous. My husband was actually far more famous than I was, but everyone knew who I was. Or did they. They all thought they knew who I should be, and wanted me to become their expectations; but I was not very good at that. It was interesting what occurred as a result. Instead of seeing me as I really was, they began to see me as what you call 'wishy-washy' or colorless. Ha! that's something I was never accused of being by those who knew me well! And yet, they saw me as invisible because they did not see me as I was.

"Imagine, if you will, a house. The house has many rooms, and in one room a large party is going on. You look for the people you know at that party, and notice that some you thought would be there are not. You sigh and shake your head and think, 'O, I guess they didn't come for some reason.' Now, at the same time, in the next room, are two of the people who you were looking for. One is there to comfort the other. They have separated themselves from the crowd so that they each can get what they need for themselves and for each other. But you don't see them, and you don't even think of looking for them in that other room... of extending your boundaries a little bit to include something new and unexplored. So you miss them. They, on the other hand, know you are there in the other room, but feel no need to interrupt their journey.

"In all our lives, we are sometimes the ones at the party and sometimes the ones in the other room. Try to remember that just because you don't always see what you expect to see in someone, it doesn't mean they are not there for you and don't have gifts to offer. Stay at the party if you must, but understand those who choose not to are not denying or revolting against your expectations... they are only doing what they need to do for themselves. It is a journey we all travel together, this trying to discover who we are. If we can make it less hard on each other, we will all travel faster and in a more direct route. I bid you a fond farewell and a pleasant evening. Thank you for your company and your love, and I offer you mine. Goodnight." (11/29/98 - W#107)


TL at a chat session on Balance:

"Hello, everyone! It's so good to be here with you tonight, especially with the holidays coming and the light of peace and hope so abundant within us, if not without in the world. Now, I want to talk about that light, how do we find it and where do we look. In the spirit world there are no dark spaces--except those you keep within yourself. But here in your world you see darkness everywhere. You don't recognize it as being within you. You don't understand that you can choose your focus so you don't see it. You think you must see it because it is there and besides, everyone says so! Bah humbug! The spirit, the light is always there; the darkness and the concrete are your choice to look at.

"Here's an interesting analogy: the Jewish people (and I was one of them in my last life) use the word G-d to denote God. Where's the 'o'? In Hebrew, the vowels were thought of as the spirit of the words and the consonants were the content, or the concrete. You could change a word by changing its vowels, its spirit; and so you did not use the vowels in the name of God! Vowels are also used whenever we speak emotionally: OOOOOO! aaaaaahhh! ayyyyeeeeee! Vowels are the process and the spirit of the words, just as the spirit of the universe is in its changeable essence and not in its concrete content. You know that, and yet you fear change and so you have difficulty finding or focusing on the essence and the spirit.

"Here's another analogy (I like analogies): Have you ever walked a puppy who didn't want to be walked? In that situation you have 3 choices:
1. You can stay with the puppy wherever it has stopped until it changes its mind. If you do that, you might have a long wait, you will miss what's ahead, you will probably get bored as well. But it is the way that takes the least effort and the least faith.
2. You can pull the puppy along. That is a hard thing to do! You will drag the puppy and your back will probably ache and your wrist and fingers will get sore. You will get where you're going but it will take a lot of time and energy. At the end, you will probably need a good rest or you will need to do something for yourself that is energizing. Maybe you will buy yourself a present. Retail therapy, ha. Can you see now how this might relate to the holidays? When we try to drag the past with us, we get tired!
3. Take the leash off and let the puppy go! If the puppy is yours and likes you, chances are it will follow you and you will have both the puppy and your energy and (I know that's 3 things, haha) a future path to envision. The freedom you will feel is the freedom of the energy being available to shine brightly and illuminate that path on your way to the future.

"One day, not too long in the future, we will all celebrate the light that is hope and universal peace. We will no longer wear ourselves out shopping and buying things to make us feel better. We will not need things to make us feel that our needs are being met, for we will have the love and companionship of one another and we will have the unity of this world and my own. All this tonight has been as a way of saying: focus on the light, focus on that which sustains and remains eternally. All people know hope and the yearning for peace. You don't need to know about Christmas to know about that. The holiday that celebrates the light has always been and it will always be. Just as the vowels can change the spirit of a word, our spirit can change the meaning of our experience. It's in your hands, and in your hearts. Thank you, and I hope your holiday season is filled with the light of peace and hope... and that you train that puppy! Goodnight, my friends." (12/6/98 - W#108)


GW:

"Good morning. I need to say something about personalities and roles. We each have our personalities. We are what we are and what we have learned; that cannot be taken from us. Even in conflict or imprisonment we are who we are, a secret from God Almighty that each is named 'Yahweh, I'm what I am.' But each of us also plays roles, both complex and simple. We live out our truths within the truth-stripping realities of roles.

"Now, if my dear MW will forgive me, I will illustrate. I chose a role of husband and, in that role, I had to surrender some of the truth of my being. It is always so. But in return I received a measure of that which is greater than self. But to think you know me through my role is to get only a distorted piece of me, and some of those pieces are incongruous. 'I' the planter and 'I' the general were not interchangeable and, if I were to be judged as a general by my time as a planter, I would surely be demoted to private at best. We must be clear about this distinction." (1/15/99 - W#109)


TJ:

"Now as to roles, and especially the roles of the public office. We have consented together to form this union of lives and purposes, and in doing so we have asked that each citizen should bear the weight of Mr. W's dual obligations of self and role. The roles of our compact are the roles needed for the welfare of the common good. They do not serve anything more than the common good. They do not serve the laws, which are but the temporal expressions of the larger natural laws which embrace us and which we would do well to embrace. But the laws of 300 years ago and the laws of 1789 are not always consistent, so an appeal to law is insufficient for the cause of roles. No, the cause of roles must always be the common good, and who better to know the common good than the common man or, dear friend, woman.

"When any believe they are invested with more of a sense of this than any other, whether by election or erudition or sanctity, they violate this basic trust of roles. For only the common one, in his simple life, can know where the glimmer of the natural and eternal reveals itself. So, we are reduced to understanding all public roles as a projection of the greater good--not the slave to laws, or the expectation of those who claim some form of special standing. And if that be so, then all roles are fluid and serve only the best interests of the people. And, as our honored GW has said, private and public are two different things; one speaks of my being and the other of my acting in society.

"And so I test myself in this simple manner: is what I am doing serving my sense of who I am, and is it serving the larger good as expressed by the society in which I engage. And I care not for whether it meets expectations of kings or parliaments or Congress or even the press, but if I can walk the streets of my country and know that the vast majority of my fellow citizens believe I am well suited to my role and that I fulfill their will. And if it be the will of them to perceive a greater good without a necessity of examining my inner values, so it is their choice.

"And I should note this as well: the role of president for GW was much different than the role for me; and if we establish that role as if law, then we lose the spirit of the people speaking in their times. Think about your times being governed by the sensibilities of 1800. It wouldn't work. And one more note: if any would claim to define the roles against the will of the people, they shall be as tyrants upon a throne of democracy." (1/15/99 - W#110)


Marky:

"Bonjour. I start with these thoughts: in my time, two great experiments occurred--one in America and one in France. One was filled with hope and one with despair. 'It was the best...' oops. And the French did not enjoy the same success that you did, for too soon there arose those who sought vengeance and who felt that they owned the laws. To speak of human expressions of natural law as eternal laws is to play at demagoguery. What must and will sustain a great nation is always its ultimate appeal to the will of the Creator as lived in the lives of all the people. And I say this from my experience: elected tyrants are no better than any other tyrants. They, in fact, are worse, for they claim to represent but they do not.

"And now to the point that we three find appalling: that some who were elected to serve the people think they are elected to serve a Constitution or a set of values. But, if the Constitution is only the living expression of the people's will to make manifest natural law, and that both Constitution and will can change, then to claim the Constitution as a higher calling than the people is to forsake the roles of their service. It is not the president who should be on trial for his conduct of his role, but Congress for its conduct of its role. The president is doing exactly what the people elected him to do. He is fulfilling his role, but they are not fulfilling theirs. And if a president demanded that Congress live only by the Constitution and not the evolving will of the people, that president would be called a tyrant. So now the Congress is the tyrant, and that makes it even worse." (1/15/99 - W#111)


MCP:

"Hats don't matter. I wear them like roles, but I'm still MCP. And if I wear the wrong-a hat I no get-a invited. So I can do what I want, but I will discover if it was right--not by fashion critics, but by the people.

"And, in my travels, I learned three lessons at least: if you remain inflexible, you die; if you don't listen to the people where you are, you die; and those who would claim special knowledge die. So I traveled with an open mind, and open ears, and took no one as authority simply on their word. And I always came back more myself, and more connected, and more able to express a wider understanding. And I observed this: where the greatest concern was for the letter of the law, there was the greatest lawlessness; and where people lived out their roles in fullness of a greater good, there a greater good was. For when the guides become restraints we have all lost, and when our lives express larger values we all win, and when it exceeds 8 it's too big.

"This is the point: you elected him to wear a size 6, but now some say he should have worn a size 9. But all the country needs is for him to wear a great big 6." (1/15/99 - W#112)


"One who is dressed in black with matching black mask is ready."

Mr. 1:

"Hello. And it [my mask] is symbolic of all the masks that people wear. I want to talk about masks. Everyone wears some... but few wear the mask of Zorro.

"We have two types of masks. The first are the masks of protection. These are essential and good. They help us cope. So a mask of courage can help us, a mask of disconnection can shield us. This can be good. But we also have masks of enhancement. These are not good. When we use a mask to hide some of our self, we still have that self; but when we wear a mask to enhance our self, we don't have that and just pretend. One is a limit on realities and the other is a falsification of realities. And the wise person is one who, in time, minimizes both. When we speak of being genuine, this is what we mean--few masks.

"But here's my issue. So many therapies strive to strip away the masks, as if both sides were not good; but only one needs to be stripped away, and the other can remain to be adjusted or deleted as one can. It is often true that the greater number of enhancement masks, the greater of protection ones; but if you work to remove protection, that is misguided. Unmask the pretender image, and then the genuine person will feel free to unmask the other.

"Our masks of enhancement make us need more protection. Some of the most insecure people are those who wear the most masks of enhancement--actors, politicians, and crackpots. And the average loony has more masks of both kinds than you can count. And most of the protective ones protect against self--just like a king who fished, get it [the Fisher King]. His masks in the face of society were masks from his own reality. He needed protection from his own fantasies. And the great maskless one says, 'Ponder that and move on.' Bye." (1/29/99 - W#113)


"And here's 2, who is wearing a tutu, who's too much to behold. If only he wore more, but nooooo."

Mr. 2:

"Do you like the image. Be honest, why not. It all hangs out, like truth. Naked truth is not beautiful, and dressing it up doesn't help much. But if I were to put on this suit, how's that. [A little phony.] And this one [looks more comfortable], and in this my body could do work and you would find it plausible and maybe even meaningful. Now this set of coveralls, so I can work on this car. Or maybe this uniform, or maybe this or this or this. You see, my body becomes useful in the garb and roles which it can assume. So, too, with truth.

"The universe is filled with truth and facts, but none of them mean anything outside of context and application. And in the wrong outfit or use they can be silly, or even sinister. So don't make a big deal out of truth. It is only the naked body on which meaning must be hung; and meaning dressed badly on truth is no better, nor is trying to fit it too tightly or loosely. Truth... now pay attention to this... truth must wear its meaning in an elegant fashion, or be no better than a naked fat man in a pink tutu. And so I say ta-ta." (1/29/99 - W#114)


"And finally 3, who is really dead. He's not just mostly dead. He's dead tired and dead right. 3, go for it."

Mr. 3:

"Activity is not always the way of the world. It is possible to run very fast staying in place. So don't mistake activity for meaning. The sun travels through the galaxy more than any of us, but that travel is without real meaning. It has fact and dimension, but no meaning. The tiniest element, when actively combined with the 16th tiniest element, becomes meaningful to those who thirst; but either just running around would mean nothing. Just so, all the great truths mean nothing to one who is starving. So don't mistake action for meaning. And if you paid attention, you would have seen that there is meaning in activity only when it leads to connections, ha. And I'm dead tired and dead done." (1/29/99 - W#115)


TL at a chat session on Trust:

"Dear friends, it is so easy to confuse our sense of 'trust' with the idea of trust in others. What we learn here, on this side, is that we must all learn to trust ourselves. Only then can we connect with our entity. Trust in others stems from this trust in ourselves, but it is not the primary lesson. So, let's begin at the beginning:

"As babies we trust. What Rikkity told you is true. Trust is not a choice we learn, but a natural state of being. We come into this world with a trust in ourselves that is born from experience on my side. Here we know that we can trust because we experience it. We experience the consequences of trust and learn that it leads to growth and understanding of ourselves and our place in the universe. On your side, however, things go wrong. And this is what happens: it's all about energy. Again and again you hear us talking about energy and that's because it is the source and the primary foundation of all that is! Big surprise! Haha.

"So, here's what happens: you come into the world trusting, naked, full of love and hope and possibility. You are born into a family and you grow through association with that family. Some people in that family are needy. They need you to be what they need you to be. And since you have no sense of identity apart from your connection to them, you try your best to be what they want you to be. But it's like you are a bank--full of riches and treasures--and they come to you for what they need, and project all their wants and needs and hopes on your physically helpless little self. Think of them as bank robbers for a moment. Now this is not true of all of them, but some of them will want something from you that you cannot naturally give, and they will try to take it from you by force and violence. How does that look? I know that all of you here have experienced that person who is more than willing to tear down your trust in yourself so that s/he can get what s/he needs from you. It's so tragic, but it happens to almost all of us; and then, because we love we want to give, and we give up parts of ourselves. It is then that we learn to mistrust. We willingly hand over our resources, our values, our sense of self to others in order to get what we think we then need from them. Some of it is for survival, some of it is for love. But we grow through that with a diminished self that is then a little more needy of what others can give us. And then we repeat the pattern, unless we are very very conscious of it.

"How then do we get back that trust, that value of ourselves that is so critical to making us whole? We need to go back, to relive what happened, to understand that those who tried to 'rob' us were doing it because they were needy, and not because there was something wrong with us. We need to grow backwards, in a way, before we can go forwards and reclaim that value and fill that bank up again with the treasures and riches that were and are our birthright. If you focus on trusting others, you are looking in the wrong direction, and all you will find is frustration and/or false faith. Focus on yourself and the rest will follow. We are not being selfish when we do that, we are being real; and no one near and dear to us benefits when we don't because, you see, the energy that others get from us when we are not trusting of ourselves is not ever really theirs and will not serve their needs nor ours. It's really that simple. And now I must go. It's been a pleasure, as always. You have much to ponder, so I will leave you now. Goodbye!" (1/31/99 - W#116)


PH at a chat session on Purpose:

"Merci. I promised Rikkity I would not speak French tonight. We decided it would be easier for you to understand me if I spoke English. So, I come to you tonight to speak about purpose.

"In my time with dear Rikkity, who was known then as Annabella, and with Randy and Elissa, who were known then as Hector and Simone, I lived in fear for much of the time, as we all did when the revolution came. Before that, I thought I knew my purpose. It was all very clear, you see. I was noble, and the nobility had a clear path mapped out for them in those days. All I needed to do was take care of my lands, my servants, my horses, and give great parties and alms to the poor and needy. Little did I imagine that those poor and needy would soon want all that I had, including my life.

"You in America had a revolution that was quite different. Ours was about freedom, yes, but only for some of us. We who were noble were to be removed from the flow of life because they could not understand how the flow could include everyone. For that reason, we were killed; for their ignorance and intolerance and fear we lived in terror. My home was destroyed by fire, as was most of Simone's and Annabella's and Hector's. But here's what happened next: the revolutionaries found me in my burning home, trying to save some of my family's treasures from destruction. Ahhh... I can still smell the smoke and feel the ashes from the fires they set as they made the air black. They found me there, but I was smart. I told them I had helped set the fires and so my life was spared. Then I told them that Simone and Annabella were my sisters--a game we often played at as children. They let them stay on in their 'jobs' as maids. There is much sadness attached to this story, but what we are here to talk about is purpose. What was mine?

"I had lost everything. As I know many of you can relate to this feeling, I will tell you that I didn't know who I was anymore, let alone what my purpose was. I could not even tell anyone who I was for fear of my death. Annabella and Simone were not allowed to speak to me of our former life at all, or to each other, and Hector had to leave the country entirely. But I digress again. I was a nobody to myself for a long while, having no sense of identity. The beautiful and simple map I had been presented with at birth was burned in the fires of terror. So what now?

"I did what I could. I lived with fear until it became a companion. I accepted it and watched it as it took everything from me and those I loved. I lost track of who I was until one day I realized I was not who I used to be, I was not who the revolutionaries thought I was, I was not a servant or a stable hand, I was not anything that anyone around me saw or thought me to be! I was certainly not a noble. And as all was stripped away from me and secrecy and lies and fear took the place of uncertainty, I learned the greatest lesson of any of my lives. I learned that who I was was what I was. Even though I could not speak it, I became the man who was a friend, who was even a savior of sorts to some, who was loyal, who was kind and truthful to those who could hear the truth, who watched horses and rainbows and trees and streams, and learned that being is the process by which we come to know ourselves--not doing or hearing about it from others--but being who we are. I watched the trees as the seasons changed their shape and size and color, and I saw that they remained strong and secure in what their essence was in spite of everything that seemed to change about and around them, and I learned what my essence was. If you lose your life, as Jesus said, you will find it. But only if you look within.

"I hope you will excuse my awkward phrasing. I am not a great philosopher (I even had trouble spelling that) but I am a man who has learned the true meaning of purpose and has hoped to relay some of what I have learned to you, my dear friends and fellow travelers. Thank you for your kind attention. I will leave now and I wish you well on your journey. Goodnight and God bless you all." (2/7/99 - W#117)


C at a chat session on Connection:

"Good evening, RevRandy and company. I did have a great appreciation for the feminine form, and Rikkity's is quite spectacular, I must say. She asked me to be here tonight to tell you about my experiences and what I learned from the time for which I am best known. I am happy to share with you on this fine evening and thank you for your attention.

"Mine was not a happy childhood. In fact, I thought of myself as an orphan, though my parents lived. You see, they were actors and rarely had time for me or my needs. I remember clinging to my mother's skirts as she walked out the door, begging for her attention and care. But what I ended up clinging to was air. Like many of my later relationships, I clung to that which had content, but no real substance. So I searched for what I needed in other women. I loved women, but no woman. So many of us believe we need to connect with everyone on every level, and end up connected to nothing. If there is nothing personal in your relationship, your relationship will be nothing personal and so it will not fulfill. In fact, what will happen is you will feel needier than before, because what you have done is expend so much energy trying to get what you need that you deplete your own resources. So, back to me, ha. I searched everywhere for what I needed and found I could get almost any woman into my bed, but could not get any woman to stay. My need was so great that once I had used all my energy to get her, I had nothing left and waited for her to fill me again. But no one wants to be a well for another. If it is not a 2-way street, one of the parties suffers.

"Think about this: those who say they search for a personal relationship with God search for the impossible. Why? We can only know what is in ourselves, and sometimes, if we are fortunate, what is given us to know of another. That's it. There must be effort on both sides if there is to be connection. We cannot know a personal relationship with God because God cannot personally relate to us at this level, except... except... through one another and the sense of the divine in ourselves!

"Think about the spider for a moment. The spider weaves his web by starting in his own center. He takes what is within himself or herself, and spins it out from the center of its being into a web, bit by bit, patiently and slowly. The connections that are made are made to hold, and the web's strands connect in 2 directions--just as any relationship must. Think what would occur if the spider tried to weave a strand that went from his center straight up or across to where he thought his web should end! His web would collapse! It could not hold and it would not be strong enough to last. We are all spiders in our way--and yes, I am aware that some of you ladies are not enamored of that little creature, but bear with me, ha. We all have that within our centers from which and with which we reach out to one another and into our worlds. If we patiently spin out of our centers that which is truly us, it will connect us with each other and with what we need. If the strand of our web does not connect to the strand of the web of another, it cannot sustain itself. The structure must be built in both directions. So, remember that spider, patiently spinning out of who it is, reaching out to connect, and not trying to weave a single strand to what it perceives as its end point, but weaving many strands into what it knows will fill and fulfill and feed it. I hope this image will stay with you and be meaningful to you. And now I wish you a happy Valentine's Day and I must take my leave, as the energy here is running low, ha. It has been my pleasure and my honor, and I hope to be able to join you all again. Goodnight and thank you." (2/14/99 - W#118)


MS at a chat session on Insight and Innersight:

"Rikkity calls me a mystic, but I think of myself as a 'reality therapist.' I deal with sight and with helping people how to see what they think they see and how to see what they think they do not see. I will give you a brief lesson tonight--if you stay here, ha. Most of you like the impressionist painters--Van Gogh, Monet, Manet, Pisarro, etc. And probably many of you know that in their own times they were not popular and quite misunderstood. But I wonder how many of you know that the reason they were not popular and the reason they were misunderstood was because people could not see their work! The style they used was so unfamiliar that those who looked at their paintings actually could not see what they had painted. And it made them confused, and even angry. Think about how you feel when you do not understand something. It's uncomfortable, isn't it? It can even make you angry when what you're hearing/seeing is so foreign to you that it makes no sense. You probably feel like screaming: what is that? Perhaps some of you have felt that way when viewing modern art. Who has not looked at a canvas covered with nothing but a red square and been confused and maybe even a little bit angry that something like that is hanging on a wall in a museum? What we don't understand, we can't see.

"Now let's see how that plays out in politics. Think about World War II and the German situation just before that time. The Germans, who were already something of control freaks, felt their world on the verge of collapse, and were confused and angry and disoriented. They were uncomfortable, and again, no one likes to be uncomfortable. Can you see what's coming next? Someone came along who they felt comfortable with. Someone came along who told them they were, not only ok, but better than everyone else. Someone came along with easy and clear answers. That someone was, of course, Hitler.

"Comfort is not how we grow or learn. Think of the most comfortable place in your house. Is it not your bed? And how much do you learn there (and I'm excluding dreams for the purpose of argument). We learn when what we see does not quite match what we know, and yet it sounds like it might make sense. Too different from what we know and we will reject it. Too much the same, and it will not ask anything of us and so we will not learn from it. Think about a classroom, the archetype of the place of learning. No one is comfortable in a classroom, and if you are it's either because you just don't get it or because you already know it. So growth does not come from comfort, it comes from what the psychologists call 'cognitive dissonance.' And that means that you begin at a base of knowing, and reach a 'growing edge' which spurs you onward and upward. So, the answer to the question is this: we do not only need to learn from pain. Grief and loss are learning experiences--or can be--because they cause us discomfort. They shake us up. They wipe away some of that familiar rut we abide in so willingly and happily. It does not take pain to learn, but it does require some level of discomfort. Think about how much you learn when you travel. Is it painful? Usually not, unless you are in a very 'primitive' country, but it is almost always a bit uncomfortable because you are not 'at home.' Here's a simple test: if you are comfortable--which is what we all strive to be--you are not learning. And yes, we all need that time of rest in between the times of learning--time to recover and assimilate what we have learned before we go on to the next lesson. But the 'growing edge' is not a comfortable place to be, and no one learns much in a bubble bath, ha. And with that, I will take my leave of this kind company, and hope to join you again in the not too distant future. You are a warm and open group of souls, and it has been a delight to be with you tonight. Goodnight." (2/21/99 - W#119)


VD at a chat session on Faith:

"Buenas noches, dear friends and lovely souls. I am smiling brightly because it is such a pleasure and honor to be able to be with you tonight. You do not realize how special you all are and how special it is for us spirits to be able to join with you in this way. But on to my story, which I hope will help you understand the faith journey--for mine was a faith journey at its very core.

"I lived at the time of the Spanish Inquisition. Fear was everywhere and pervaded all of our social interactions. There was great paranoia at that time, and people in power were so afraid of what lay beyond the walls they had so carefully constructed. They had the answers, they believed, and what was outside of those answers was threatening to the very basis upon which their lives were built. It was fear that ruled in the name of religion back then.

"I was taken early on in the process, a young and very ignorant girl with nothing but my faith to sustain me--or so I thought. I had done nothing wrong but associate with someone they suspected of being a heretic to the faith... to their faith. So they brought me into a prison of cold stone walls and led me down cold stone steps in the name of God and faith, and I followed in the name of God and faith; for I believed I had nothing to fear and was pure of heart, and they would see that shining in my eyes and through my willing and humble and obedient soul. I answered all their questions; and I knew the answers to all their questions for I had been taught well, and believed all I had been taught. I looked them straight in the eye and recited my litany of given doctrine. The change began in me as I began to answer their questions. For though I knew the answers, the answers became my masters rather than my servants. They let me go at last, satisfied that I was faithful and no threat to the Holy Church or to them. And I walked back up those cold stone steps feeling vindicated and righteous, and also feeling something was missing.

"As I walked through the days that followed, I watched my friends and family as they lived in fear--in fear that the answers they gave and the stories they told would be somehow suspect and judged unsatisfactory. I watched as all around me became victims of their faith; and I began to feel that I was no longer free to choose what I believed, and what I believed had control over me. All of a sudden I understood that my faith was not sustaining me, I was sustaining it! I had outgrown it, and it would not move with my growth. Like an old dress I had outgrown, I discovered I needed to leave it behind; and so I stepped out of it and out of the walls I had built and others had blessed, and I declared myself a heretic in my heart. I watched my friends frozen with fear, afraid to say anything or express their own truths or opinions, and I was sad. But I went on, and learned that no faith was better than one that demanded my life. Martyrs were plentiful in those dark days but I was not about to become one of them! Any faith that demanded I give up my life was asking too high a price for me.

"So I went through the motions in order to survive, for I had learned a bit of wisdom in this process, and gave up my faith and decided that fear must be lived with but not made my master. I loved, I married, I had a child, and all the while no one suspected what was happening within my heart. Until one bright glorious morning, I awoke to find the sun on the verge of rising over the fields near my home. It was golden and fresh and a light like none other I have ever experienced on Earth in the physical. I knew, at that moment, that I had survived a nightmare and I had done that, not by taking as true any faith someone had said I must believe, but by being true to myself and my own vision. I understood that my center, my wholeness, the love and care I was able to communicate to those around me, the way I moved through the world, and the friendship I offered to those who would take it, these were the important things... these were what had sustained me through that time of fear and paranoia, and these were the things that had brought me into a new faith: a faith in love and a faith in myself. I had not lost faith, I had merely replaced a false faith with a true one. I had replaced the wall I had built with the flow of love and care and time and wholeness. I had moved through that wall and through the fear and I stood on the other side and rejoiced and shouted halleluja! and fell on my knees and thanked my God. I am now finding myself in happy tears, and so I will leave you. I hope you will remember my story and that it has meaning for your journey. Goodnight and may you all find your faith." (3/7/99 - W#120)


H at a chat session on Hope:

"Thank you, and hello to my compadres here this evening. It is raining outside, but in here there is warmth and good fellowship. Ola! I wish to speak to you this evening about my hopes and how they were destroyed... dashed on the shores of the New World which we now are chatting in. I was an explorer. That probably sounds romantic to many of you, and indeed the stories of our adventures are in your history books and part of your childhood. In my time, exploration of the world was the only way we had to express the discontent and restlessness we felt. We could not explore spiritually as you here are doing, so we set out to conquer the world we could find and expand our territories of earth. But we had something in common with you here. We were searching for a new world. Do you see? The searching you are doing here is often tied to the hopes of finding a new world of the spirit and a new beginning for humankind. But hopes cannot be based on a collective vision for they will fail, as we discovered.

"When I set out to conquer... and I was called a conquistador!... I had dreams and illusions of discovering a world of riches and treasures beyond anything known--a City of Gold that was told to us in legend. I came to this New World and left everything I knew behind me. I even burned my ships so there would be no going back. To not look back, I believed, was the way to go toward the future. I was, as you may have guessed by now, very determined and rather stubborn! Nothing was going to stand in the way of my realizing my dream. But what I discovered was not what I hoped for. When I got to the City of Gold I could not see it. I was blinded by the desire to find something concrete-- something I could bring home with me that would bring me power and glory and riches in return. I did not see the gold that was there before my very eyes--the richness of the peoples and culture I encountered, and all that I might have learned from them had I not been so determined to have my own way.

"It is a story of sadness that I tell, and I am not proud of the murder that I did or the treasure that I stole or the identity that I pretended was my own--for they believed I was a god and I let them (I speak here of the Aztecs, of course). I reached out for the gold that I saw there and it turned to dust in my hands. I did not learn in that life, and my message to you tonight is this: hopes can sustain you, hopes can propell you toward what you need to experience, but hopes are not an end in themselves. Put your hopes in others, put your hopes in a system, put your hopes in the dream of a better world for everyone, put your hopes in anything that you cannot personally experience and learn from, and you find them turning to dust as you reach out to grasp them, just as I did. But if your City of Gold is the gold of the sunset, the gold of the bright morning sky, the gold of the love of yourself and each other, the gold of what lies beyond today's pain and disappointments--no matter what that may mean--then you find your hands wrapped joyously around the greatest treasure on Earth or in Heaven, and you will find your experience will bring you learning and growth and meaning. And what greater gift, what more precious treasure than that? Keep your eyes on the prize, yes, but do not think that you will get what you think you will get. The joy and the gift is the hope. The healing and learning and progression will only come through that process. And you will find your City of Gold where you never thought it would appear, because our Cities of Gold are all around us always and all we need to do is open our eyes and look. I thank you for your gracious attention, and now I must retreat, ha. Goodnight and good journeys!" (3/14/99 - W#121)


TL at a chat session on Balance:

"Hello to all my old friends and new. Today is a special day on your calendar. It is the Spring Equinox. This means that the day and night are equal--for one day anyway. But I ask you, does it feel that way? Just because they are equal does not mean we perceive them as equal. And moreover, just because they are equal does not mean we perceive them as in balance, for balance is not equality. Equality is something that can be objectively measured (if there is such a thing as objective, haha) but balance is within us and cannot be seen by anyone or anything outside of us. Let's take a few examples.

"I love analogies! Here they are visible, but for you I will use words... unless you want to come visit me! So, let's talk about a budget. You have a total amount, you have categories. You want to make the categories add up to the total income. You do not make all the categories equal in order to do that. That would make for a very strange budget indeed. No, what you do is attempt to achieve balance by adjusting the amounts so they add up to the desired total. And if one month you find yourself overspent in one category, you compensate for that by spending less in another. Or how about a see-saw? Say you have two people on a see-saw. One is heavier than the other. How do you balance? You adjust the weight. If you are the heavier one, you move closer to the center in order to compensate. Make sense? When you have a heavy load, you move it closer in order to make it possible for you to carry it without throwing you off balance. As anyone who works out knows, when you hold a weight far from your center, it is much more difficult to balance. So, that's a clue: if you are finding balance difficult, it may be because you are holding the heavy parts of your life at a distance too great. When we have pain and loss we want to distance ourselves from it. But that will not lead us to balance. Quite the contrary. It takes a willingness to hold the hard parts close in order to come to balance. And as any student knows, procrastination makes the work harder.

"Now let's touch briefly on the subject of karma. Karma is about making things equal--an eye for an eye, so to speak. But how about this scenario: you have a murderer... does he need to return to life as a victim? Is the balance that is sought contained in that visible circumstance that would seem to be so obviously needed in our eyes? Maybe, but maybe he would be disassembled... or maybe he would come back as a person who had to struggle every waking moment of his life with the desire to strike out at someone he loved. That would be balance, would it not? But it would not be visible to anyone but him. So we must be very careful with concepts like that, because our tendency is to think concretely and to judge in concrete terms. We don't always see what is within another soul; in fact, we almost never see that.

"Now, let's try a little exercise. If you would (and if you can) get out of your chairs and stand up. I'll wait, ha. Now, put equal weight on both your feet, balance your weight so that it is evenly distributed. Ok? Now walk. You can't move forward without losing balance. That's a lesson. You cannot move forward unless you allow yourself to be off balance for awhile. Think of dancing. It is the grace and beauty and joy of dancing that we admire and love, but it is a constant process of losing balance and compensating! And so is the dance of life. We are all losing balance and compensating on a daily basis, and no one can stay in balance all the time without being stuck in one place. Ponder that.

"To go forward, to feel the joy and grace and movement of life, you need to let go of that balance at times. Do not fear imbalance or think there is something wrong with you if you don't feel it. Trust that in the fullness of time and with the wisdom of experience and the support of loving friends you will regain your balance when you are ready to move forward again. Meanwhile, enjoy the imbalance and the inequality, for it too is part of life. And remember to hold your hurt and your difficulties close, for they will lead you where you need to go. If you try to distance yourself from them, they will pull you down. I think that's enough for now. Thank you for your attention. I hope you have sat back down! Haha. Goodnight, my friends. It is always such a pleasure to be here with you!" (3/21/99 - W#122)


Marky at a Serendipity Night chat session:

"Bonsoir mes amis! It is so good to be back with you again. I am here tonight to speak to you, dear companions, about continuity. What is it that we deem valuable to continue and what is it we need to leave behind as we journey through life (and death).

"In the life I speak of, I was a man of great integrity and some called me a hero. I knew no other way to live and I tell you what it was that motivated me. I was a nobleman and had access to all the riches and luxuries anyone could desire. But to me, my values of hope and vision and courage and committment were what I lived for and what mattered. Do not think that, when you see a rich or famous or powerful person, their life--or lives--are always focused on wealth or fame or power. For me, those things were a means to an end, and my being was that which flowed around them; it was not defined by them. So I left my comfortable and luxurious life in France, where I had my home and wife and servants and friends; and I came to your country because you were fighting for liberty and because there was a vision here of how life could be and I wanted to help make that vision reality. I didn't give it a second thought. The only question I asked was 'how can I get there?' Some thought I was crazy, or fou as we say in French, but I could do no other. I joined your revolution because it was my revolution, even though I was French. You see those arbitrary dividing lines meant little to me.

"And then, when I returned to my country, I found it in turmoil as well--with one government after another trying to gain power. Napoleon finally succeeded in creating a dictatorship out of the desire for change of the French people. How could this happen, you wonder? He saw the people wanted change, wanted liberty, wanted respect and the ability to attain their highest potential, and he wanted to give it to them. He sincerely wanted change as well, and he made many changes that were worthwhile. But then he got stuck in his sense of knowing what was good for the people better than they did themselves! He wanted to continue his form of rule and the answers that he had found long after they ceased to be responsive to the needs of the people. What he failed to see--and what so many in power fail to see--was that the people and their desires and needs are ever-changing and, if that is not responded to, any form of government will fail or be required to enforce its rule by force and by harming the very same people it is intended to aid.

"All this is by way of saying to you, do not try to continue that which is not meant to be continued. Learn to tell the difference between that which is universal and that which is concrete... ah, that's such a difficult one for you! Here's another way to look at it: imagine you are 5 years old and you are taught to obey and respect your parents. When you are 40 years old will you still react to them in the same way? Those who do are attempting to continue that which needs to be changed and to change that which needs to be continued. Do you still treat your children as though they were 5 when they reach 40? You continue your love, you continue what you learned from them, you continue the unconditional regard that a parent gives to a child, you continue to help and nurture them, but you do not continue to try to make them obey you or get to work on time! At least, I hope not, haha.

"This journey we are on requires us to travel light. It requires us to make choices--what will we take with us, and what will we leave behind? In your valise or suitcase, what is it you will pack? Will it be the sweater you loved when you were in junior high school or middle school? Will you try to carry with you every memory and item from your past that you can lug behind you? Or will you choose to carry with you what you have learned--the love and compassion, the vision and belief, the truths and the committments to a better future. All learnings and rememberings take up little space, but they fill the content of your life the way no material or concrete object can. These are choices we all make on a daily basis. Be aware of them as they appear; and, if you can make the choices to be whole and hopeful and loving and true to yourself, you will find your valise is packed to the brim and yet there will still remain a space which will be open to that which is serendipitous. I will depart, leaving you with love and care and hope. Bonsoir!" (3/28/99 - W#123)


Selene at a chat session on Identity:

"Greetings to all of you special souls, and especially to my dear Joseph, whom I still think of fondly and with desire. What my dear Joseph did not say is that I am one aspect of who you know as Rikkity. I was/am her in one of her lives, and tonight I will speak to you from my perspective of my life as an Ethiopian slave who was brought to Babylon and became the loved and loving wife of the man who bought and then freed her.

"In Ethiopia I was known as the 'beautiful Selene.' They named me after the goddess of the moon. The moon is constant, and changes as the light of the sun changes. But no matter what phase it shows itself in, it remains the moon--and so I would live up to and into my name in this way. I was always who I was, and that is why I am here tonight speaking to you about identity.

"I was a dancer. I loved the dance and it filled and fulfilled me. There was a stupid tribal war of sorts, and I was taken as a slave in the hopes that the enemy would be appeased and leave my people alone. So I was the sacrifice, if you will. I was torn away from my homeland and given to those who hated me, but very few could hate my beauty. I could have become bitter, I could have become tired and sullen and shrewish; but I did not become my identity as a slave because I was always who I was. I did not stop dancing just because I had been separated from the land I loved to dance in. Are you beginning to understand? The dance was who I was, no matter what they told me I was. And when I danced I was free. And that, in the end, is what set me free! You see, when my beloved Joseph saw me dance, he loved me and saw who I was and that I could not remain in slavery. He bought me and then set me free, not because of who he was--though he was a kind and loving soul--but because I, in remaining true to myself, was who I was and who I was was free! I was not my role. I was not what everyone said I was. I was not what I wanted to be. Listen to this: if I had been who I wanted to be--which was free--then I would have behaved quite differently. I might have become quiet and subservient. I might have asked meekly for attention or favor. Joseph would probably not have even noticed me then. But in being who I was in the moment, I set myself free.

"There is a rhythm to who we are that cannot be duplicated by anyone else. Hear your own rhythm... is it like this: ta da da dum dum, or is it like this: de da da da de... there are infinite combinations, and infinite rhythms, and we are all unique. So, sometimes the things we 'want' aren't any more who we are either. We are more than the moment and what we want. And the rhythm we are is what we carry through all our lifetimes. This rhythm is our heartbeat, our 'soul beat.' I always loved to dance, and I still do and always will--it is part of my rhythm, part of my energy. This rhythm will always say 'me' when you hear it. I am energy and dance and exuberance and connection. That is who I am, and whether you hear/see me as Selene or Rikkity or Annabella, you will always hear my rhythm and you will always recognize the clinking sound of the gold coins on the chain I wear that encircles my waist. Thank you for that gift, my dear Joseph, and thank you all for your kind attentiveness. Now, there was a question or comment?

"Were you afraid of self doubt when you were a slave? I was afraid my life would be cut short, but I was not afraid of losing sight of who I was.

"What if your captors had made it impossible for you to dance ( say they broke your neck.) My soul would have still gone on dancing, even if my feet no longer could.

"How do we best get to know that rhythm Selene? the 'real' us? You know it in the way you move through your life, you know it in what feeds and sustains and fulfills you. Try to look past the roles and the dailyness of who you are. It is the deepest core of you, deeper than your heartbeat. If you were given the choice of doing only one thing for the rest of your existence, what would it be? And I don't mean necessarily a 'doing' thing, but more of a 'being' thing. That's a clue.

"Well dancing is a metaphor isn't it, Selene? If you had no legs you would do your dance in your head? Yes, I would because that is who I am. And now I must leave you. Ponder well, my friends. Goodnight and my love reaches out to all of you." (4/11/99 - W#124)

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