"We women should not take such harsh stimulants as coffee, for our constitutions are not as strong as men's. We should confine ourselves to teas, especially of the herbal origins--or perhaps good drugs. But seriously, two cups a day will not hurt. But no more than two glasses of wine a day and not more than one after dinner. Rise with the chickens, greet each new dawn, and drop dead. My husband was always up. I used to say to him, 'Sleep in,' but he got up early. Always afraid he'd miss something... like sleep.

"It was gracious of you to be with your friend [at her mother's funeral]. Often I would endure the longest journeys to sit with a friend in loss. When all else is considered only friends matter. But your mode of transportation is more commodious than my mode. One hour from New York to Hampton Roads. In my time, talk about three weeks. We would stay a month or more, and there was this wonderful tavern just outside Trenton. It was quite the city then. So, be in continuing support of your friend. I must go now. Fond farewell." (10/25/96 - W#53)


RL, an authority on the normal and paranormal:

"Good morning. I am concerned for your young friend. She is very vulnerable. Many spirits seek the openings; short-timers who sense their fate may attempt a conquest. Tell her she must protect herself. 3 rules:

"1. Pray for safety, as you do. This usually works but not always. If the person is sufficiently strong psychically it will work.

"2. If it does not work, stop immediately. It is not rude to hang up on such, just as it is not rude to hang up on phone calls from weirdos.

"and 3. If you have an upsetting call while working with someone else, don't call with that person again. You may be strong but what about them." (10/25/96 - W#54)



"Insight is not a majority decision. Jesus had just 12, while Hitler had millions. It is the truth that will free us, not the acceptability. Vision always implies separation. You can't stand in a crowd and see new and different things... unless you are very tall." (11/4/96 - Y#14)



"Spiritual Persistence: The spirit persists in many combinations, being itself and always becoming more--nothing ever lost, everything gained, until it persists into oneness with all else. It never ends or quits or disappears." (11/14/96 - V#12)



"So, here goes. Pay attention. There'll be a test. What is the purpose of all this, you ask. I will tell you. There is none, and yet there is one. It's about the process we are in, ever becoming and being. Each level seems to have its purpose, but overall, not really.

"One could say the purpose is to prepare to move on. Well maybe, but the alternative is to cease being in that way, so if there is no choice, is there a purpose. I think not. But we do perceive purpose at every moment of every level--not because it's there, but because we want it to be there. But overall there is a grander notion. Whitman said it was to be on the road: 'Afoot and light-hearted, I take to the road.' Buddha spoke of the path, Jesus of the way. You see, it is about being in the stream, not where the stream is going.

"People keep asking 'why' and 'where to,' but the question is more simple: 'am I?', meaning that 'am I in the process of being,' not having been or going to be, but being. If there is a grand purpose to All, it will be in the All-ness that becomes and is One ultimately. It will be the sum of all the processes, not the product of the processes. It is contained in the act of being, not created by being or doing.

"So now the test: A train leaves New York at 1pm. Another leaves Washington at 2pm. What train is the right one. It's the one you're on. All others don't matter; their destinations and speed and accommodations are irrelevant. It's the train or plane or life you're on that counts, and it's the journey and the acquaintances and learnings and rememberings that count. It's the adding to the sum total that counts. Ponder that." (11/18/96 - V#13)



M:

"Good morning, and please excuse me if I don't rise from the tub. I am in the tub to ease my pain but I can read here all day. Try it, but lock your doors.

"I come to bring you some good advice. People think I'm crazy. Really crazy people are wise; it's the sickos who are not crazy who do you harm. It's the edge of reality finely honed to which both insanity and genius cling as if to the face of the greatest mountain summit. Those who dwell below can either dwell in the sun of the ordinary or dwell in the shadows of the macabre, and one must pay heed to both the deeds and words of those in shadows; for while the deeds will cease with death, the words carry on to infect the future. A person may kill one or 6 million but an idea can kill us all.

"Now I must take my leave. I await that monster, S." (11/22/96 - W#55)



"I was in Peru when you've done this nun thing, Mom. Later, too. You were a nun twice, you little prayer machine.

"I was an indigenous person of the female gender--Inca woman. They called her 'Inca Woman, Last of the Real Hot Incas.' So hot no man could handle her. Or maybe I inflate the memory a bit. Would you believe a half-blind peasant with bad teeth. No man would handle her. But late one night when the moon was dark she made a poison and gave it to all. Ha. She was also a bad cook, so all they got was great dreams. So even today in the mountains of Peru they sing of the ugly dream maker." (11/25/96 - W#56)



"It's not a dichotomy. There is no separation between the Divine and the other. In most perceptions, one strives to become one with the Divine or the universe or whatever. But this is how I see it: You and I and all will become the Divine because we are all already part of it. It is in us, and we are in it. No separation; no hierarchy.

"A physical parallel: hydrogen is an element, water is a compound (see, I did pay attention in class), and polymagnesium carbohydrate is a complex compound, and a house is made of thousands of compounds, and the universe has many houses. But which is real. All of them are as real as the next, and all are part of the universe. Complexity is not a measure, but a description.

"So with entities, is the level before this less valid; is the level to come more valid. In spiritual terms, no. Everything is! And everything will be! It has always been! How it relates and forms in ever-more complex ways is the process of all being. And some day--or maybe night--it will all be unified, and that is what some would call the Divine: All That Is in one being. But we are never separate from it. Nothing exists outside it... or maybe not. Maybe there are other realities, all moving toward their own unities, and when each and all are unified, the process repeats all over on a grander scale. But All That Is is! It's not! about any individual act of communion with the Divine; it's about infinite acts of union within the Divine. Save yourself and miss the whole shebang.

"Those who seek their own fulfillment simply delay the larger processes. It's not about differentiation; it's about integration, connection. Together we can move on, separately we are pitiful. So the task is not to seek the Divine and find a personal connection; it is to feel the Divine and make eternal connection with others. You can't build if you don't get together. That's all." (12/2/96 - V#14)



"If you consider all the systems of thought to be subsets of one great thought, then the portals to the thought are in the common questions, not in the subanswers. People like to ask big questions, but settle for little answers.

"Humanity has stretched across hundreds of generations, but most people look for meaning in one lifetime or one soul journey. What one needs to do is not deny the answers, but open up the questions, and then, in the immense chasm of questioning, drop in the vision of a larger answer. Most won't get it, but hey, that's not my problem... until they get here. But each time the perspective is widened, some will see. Don't forget that today's orthodoxy was once radical thought.

"What I tell you is far more inclusive than previous answers. It goes further down the path. But hear me well, it is not the final answer or the complete one. It is just another step in the right direction. I don't know what lies beyond what I have shared, but this is enough for now. But do not take this as the Truth. It is truth, but not with a final capital T. What the truly great seek is to stand on the peak of understanding beyond what has been known, and see there are more peaks in the dim mists of time to come, and not mourn their passing before the peaks are scaled." (12/9/96 - I#10)



"Now about the Bible and its misuse as authority. Authority is always internal. The Bible can only illumine. To quote the Bible as an authority is to misuse it. Scripture: that which is written. Faith: that which is known. Religion: that which is practiced. The Bible may be used as a work of human insight, guidance, and challenge, but not as a source of authority to be used at the will of the interpretor." (12/28/96 - V#15)



"Now about fear. It is not a barrier, but it can be an annoying companion. But ultimately what is real shows through fear and pain.

"It's not what you do to avoid it, but what you have to live through it. And the most fearful people are those who either don't learn or don't remember. And people with no fear are not people of faith; they are usually without faith, too. And people who are filled with faith are not free of fear, but often are filled with fear because they build false faith to avoid the fear which they then fear will destroy their faith. They fear their faith is not enough, so they create more systems of faith, but to no avail. Faith that is not a function of fear overcome is no faith." (1/6/97 - R#14)



"And here's a guest: God. If you listened closely, you heard God. He/she/it/they are part of the silences and spaces between the things and sounds of all Creation. We so often look for God in special people or places--and we UUs say God is in all people and places--but God is also in all the non-people and non-places. Caught on the breath of the wind, a guest for all who care to tune in." (1/24/97 - V#16)



"We go way way back, and we go way way forward, but not as separate, but as us as an entity. It's like a manifestation of some of the Sixties stuff. They had it conceptually correct but not actually right. Come together people, right now. No, not now, later--ultimate unity, which is an infinite process. And if you found it, you saw it as an end, not as one more step. The early Christians felt they had found unity, but it was just another step. So it is about a never-ending cycling that was glimpsed in Galilee and The Haight. It was a confluence of time and a group of entities and a general ennui. The world has never made spiritual progress in a time of tranquility and good feelings. What we mistake for social unrest is actually spiritual anxiety, as entities form and move on." (2/3/97 - V#17)



MW:

"Here's some words of a more serious nature for those of us women who have lived with loss. One must find ways not to make the losses their lives... really should have said 'her life.' We have choices. We can make our lives synonymous with the loss, or we can see ourselves as victims of the loss, or we can ignore the loss at our great peril, or we can live through the loss and learn and discover there is just as much meaning--albeit different meaning--on the other side of loss.

"The struggle is to keep hold of life even in the face of death. Too many lose their way and get stuck in time, or else lose life itself. If you take it personally you have lost too much. I do believe in a God of love and mercy, but a very impersonal God of love and mercy who set forth those qualities in the human soul as living remnants of the divine for each of us. When bad things happen, that is not God; that is the flow of nature. But in those times when bad things happen, the vision of life and love and mercy that allow us to continue with meaning, there is God.

"We speak so often of God the Creator. That role is long gone but God the Redeemer lives--not God the Redeemer of afterlife but God the Redeemer of life--caught in the spark of hope that lights the dark passages of Earthly existence. To not see that spark; to sit in the darkness of sorrow, despair, denial, is to miss God.

"So to all living with loss I say, have faith the loss was not personal but the discovery of life beyond loss is very personal and ultimately divine. I bid you farewell and hope born of faith." (2/7/97 - W#57)


FR:

"Hello. I must choose my words well for English is not my language; Sumerian is... at least, once it was and I identify today with that time of my existence. I am concerned that your time also shares my worries. Mine was a time of tribal conflicts--fights between people over territory, but usually over power and energy.

"It is interesting to note that in all the wars of mankind the issues of one generation pale in about one century. To ever believe that an issue of power or energy has urgency is to miss history's lessons. So I tell you this: Move quickly to end suffering but move slowly to establish beliefs." (2/7/97 - W#58)


CT:

"Now about trout. I don't have an obsession about trout, literally or symbolically. It's Rikkity who has the problem. Fishing is about sitting still, not talking, just thinking and fishing. Now, can you picture Rikkity sitting and not talking, without a TV or phone or sleeping. She and I share great times but I like more times of quiet than she. I am more like you, ma'am, than like Rikkity. Sure she's your daughter? We have a peaceable truce. But we each have to realize that we each are right for ourselves. I don't want Rikkity to be me, and there are times when I prefer trout for company. But we are all well and we love lurking with you guys. Not everyone is so receptive.

"I just hate it when I'm lurking and I come up against a wall of fear. Pisses me off. And I would have been a proud builder of such a wall in my time. No, I didn't overcome it but I was open to overcoming it. I didn't think it was right. Too many people translate their fears into beliefs rather than into questions--beliefs about themselves or how things are. Some make objects of their fears, others make beliefs." (2/7/97 - W#59)



"When a person is ready to join into a larger entity, it may not happen right away. You can't join something that is not also ready. Sometimes you just sit out a life or two, being-wise, then on you go. In the meantime, you don't know yet, and your wisdom tells you there is so much yet to learn and remember.

"Seekers are always closer to fulfillment than people who claim to know. We say, 'So much to learn, so little time.' Others say, 'So much time, so little to learn.' Bored people aren't even close." (2/17/97 - V#18)



"Clones are good but mistaken--physically identical, but what about spiritually. You get two clones, both born the same day, but--and here's the big but--only one spirit per body. So you think you have two of the same, but noooooo. Here's a paradox: If you get two bodies with the same spirit, what inhabits one while the other is out partying. Huh." (2/28/97 - R#15)



"Life is not about everyone learning and remembering the same stuff. That's one of the big mistakes of the big religions.

"Suppose that all matter in your world was made of the same subatomic particles. Well it is, ha, but not in the same way. Hydrogen is different from helium and can't make you talk like Mickey. But if all matter were composed all the same, we'd have just one whatever. So, too, with people and spirits and shit.

"In order for our larger entities to become realized, we need differing elements--or spirits, if you will. And o yes, you will. So for your productive participation in that next reality as an entity, you need to become who you are meant or capable of being. Each life has its own shape, and each go-around its own role in filling out or filing down. If you follow another's path, it may take you part of the way you need to go, but it can't take you all the way. Any single path is insufficient to the complexities. We are right back to that old joke about being you, everyone else is taken. And if you make yourself someone else, then you can't fit into your place in the growing complexity of existence. Each must find what she or he or it must learn and remember. That's all. No mass movements.

"And karma is not the same. That's about becoming you in differentiation. This is about becoming you into integration. It's either you have to find yourself to lose yourself and/or lose yourself to find yourself. Neither is the end; you will find yourself and lose yourself. It's all the same. For when you finally find fulfillment and knowledge of self, the self no longer matters for you move on into a new plane of being... and on and on and on and on and on. Amazing." (3/13/97 - Y#15)



"When we think about the process of coming together in ever-more complex ways, one might be tempted to ask after the purpose of it all. Tsk tsk tsk. It's not about a destination, it's about an infinite process. If you seek the end, you'll miss the middle, which is the secret. Those who focus on beginnings or ends--on where they're coming from or going to--miss the journey. Being on our way is meaning enough. If one is part of the ultimate process of being, who needs ultimate meaning; it's contained in everything that already is. 'If not now, when.' Yes, but what's the point. No point. It takes trust, and not being a short-timer. And we actually have fewer short-timers now than before. Mongol hordes were all first-timers." (3/17/97 - V#19)



Papa:

"Hi, babe. The beach is good and the sky is good and so am I. But I miss the good old basement. It was like heaven down there. It was not exile, it was freedom. I could putter. It could be a real mess, but now I have all this space it's different. Not as much junk here, and I like junk.

"The things that have value to you are important, just as my cheap, comfortable pants are. There is no intrinsic value. I'll bet if you were in Minnesota in the winter and I offered you some Haband pants because you were naked, you'd take them. So they're beautiful, so to speak. And they fit you like a pair of pants.

"So I fly and sun and laugh the day away. Ho ho ho he he he, in the merry old land of Pa." (4/1/97 - W#60)



"So, onward to our new feature: Ask the Moo. Today's first question comes from Tibet: 'Which is better, ceaseless prayer or periodic prayer?' Whoa. Let me put it this way: Life without prayer is incomplete; prayer without life is incomplete. You will do each according to your--and I mean your--needs, not others'.

"Ok, last question from Ethiopia: 'I am a Jew, but what I feel is that Islam is right for me. What do I do.' You are caught in the middle. Try this: Stop being overtly Jewish, slack off on services, but don't become overtly Islamic. Practice in your heart and soul, trust that Allah will hear and know, and remember that all the divisions you now know are ultimately meaningless. What are you doing with your life, that's what counts." (4/4/97 - Y#16)



TJ:

"I am now a man of controversy, but my most recent life was that of a milkman in Rehoboth Beach. And a great day to you, sir. One quart or two.

"I want to speak on liberty and freedom. To be free is to have no unnatural restraints on one's actions, thoughts, or beliefs. One in jail is not free; one in chains or servitude is not free. There are many ways we are not free. We choose bonds of marriage or business or the like. The only truly free person is one without connections.

"Only time and hindsight can tell us which restraints of freedom are worthy and which are not. Is life in what you call a 'gang' freedom, no. Is it good, no. But what about a gang of men who go around acting and talking in seditious ways. Would you say the Disciples were good. Aha, got you.

"On the other hand, we have liberty--the ability to create one's own life. I may not be free but I can still have the liberty of my thoughts, my prayers, my God. You can have your freedom taken, for good or ill. You may give up your freedom as well. But liberty can only be given away; it cannot be taken. Yet, so many give up their liberty without a second thought. They blindly follow sects who offer some kind of vision of spiritual freedom. But to give up liberty to gain freedom is folly indeed; for it is liberty that we are endowed with, freedoms we create.

"To get human freedom at the price of divine creation is the real heresy, for if one were to offer you chains but freedom of spirit, or chains on the soul but freedom of body, which would the wise man choose. In chains, but with liberty, I might still learn from life. Free, but without liberty of soul, I will learn nothing. So one gives away real life for life's comforts when one should rather accept life's adversities; for the chance to experience life is life itself. Freedom is of one life, liberty is of eternity. And I remain your humble servant." (4/4/97 - W#61)



"This is about love. There is nothing you can do to earn it and there is nothing you can do to lose it. Love to the universe is like air to the physical body. It is life. It is the sustaining force and the element that infuses and animates all there is. If you exist you are loved. It has nothing to do with who you are. It has to do with what you experienced and how you were treated by others. It has to do with trust, and trust is fragile and easily broken. You can relearn it but it takes work and openness to the love of the universe.

"My wish for you is that you may be able to feel that love as the continuing background to your life--kind of like a soundtrack. A lovetrack, if you will. Listen to it. Hearing it will help you let go and the trust will grow from it, as a theme reveals itself in a symphony. At first all you hear is individual notes, but as the piece develops the notes form a pattern and you begin to hear a wholeness that you can remember--that can become part of your being and your memory and is always available to you to recall and relive. It becomes your own.

"So it is with love and trust. It takes some listening, some hearing, and a lot of remembering. Focus on those things and you will be rewarded with peace of mind and a sense of spiritual continuity and a deeper wisdom. It will help you understand the abundance of life and allow you to live wholly and purposefully and, yes, even joyfully. Listen to the love and hear your purpose and possibilities and persistence. Love is what binds us each to the other, and it is not dependent on time or space or behavior." (4/6/97 - R#16)

Listen to Rikkity when she was 6 years old singing about love.



Ericka's Bench 4/11/97

"UTV. Got a backache and bad breath, try the new sensational UB Brothers' little tablet: chlorophyll for your breath and heroin for everything else. Ask for it at your local junkie's. And now, it be Ericka's Bench."

Rikkity: "Yo, mom. Hey, somebody stole ma bench. Hot damn. Wow... whoa, they be stealing my ass next. But seriously, here's the bench and here's Rikkity, and today 3... count 'em 3... visitors, all new to my Bench. The first is Juan Valdez... no... and his mule. But seriously, folks, here's SP. SP, welcome, and we'll begin with a question for $10."

SP:

"I was one of the maids with you at the auberge. I was a simple country girl. You always said you two were also country girls, but I did not believe it. But I kept it to myself. We were such good friends in a bad time. It was supposed to be a time for the people, but the people were scared. Terror does not make a good bedfellow. Often I felt safe only because you were there, too. I don't want to go back.

"It [the auberge] was beside a small stream, about 300 meters from the Loire. It was made of stone. In front ran a small road. Who knows about today. Ste. Marie, I believe that's what we called it--very small. I never went further than there. What I miss most is the cheese. Before your brother left he made so many cheeses. We ate them for months. He knew how. It was one food we could make without buying anything.

"But I just got a signal from Rikkity, so au revoir." (4/11/97 - W#62)

Rikkity: "And now, our second guest, who refuses to play games. Here's N."

N:

"Hello. I only have one initial because I like being different. I was a hippie in the '60s. I was at Alice's (I cooked) and I was at Woodstock. Rikkity is purple. I died at 35, of boredom in the Reagan years. But hey, it was a trip. Man, it was soo great to get high and get down and get dirty and get no sleep and get nowhere in life. What a waste. I know that now. A lot of my friends still think it was soo awesome, and they are joining tea ladies--didn't learn a damned thing.

"I hope I can come back with all the vision but not the drugs and not the hate. So much of our talk of love was a veil over fear and hate. Most of all we wanted to love ourselves but couldn't, and we hated that and those who kept us from loving ourselves.

"We all took on a group persona because we had none of our own. We dreamt of a world where everyone could be himself or herself, but we became everyone else. We let drug reality substitute for living reality. You know you can get higher on living than on drugs, but we didn't know that. Hey, anyone who thinks sitar is exciting is brain- and life-dead.

"We looked everywhere for life except within. As Dorothy says, 'There's no place like home,' but we left home. Sorry, Rikkity, to dispel some of your myths. It was fun but it was not enjoyable. It was often frantic, driven, without goals but fleeing an unseen demon. As long as we weren't our parents we thought we would be free of their crap, but noooo. Freedom is something you arrive at by being, not by running away into nonbeing. So I look forward to another time when I can live what I remember. Too bad that so much of the '60s can't be remembered because all of us were so wasted.

"A lot of it was rebellion against the Empire...no, rebellion against the imposition of values. But we really had no thoughtful replacement. It was just one big adolescent blow-off. Our parents couldn't do it because of WW2, and their parents couldn't because of the Depression, so a lot of pent-up energy. We were living in the '60s with models of expectation from the '30s. Get real, man. And they hated us because we were their dark side. Remember all the lectures about duty and obedience and productivity and patriotism. It was their issue, not ours. They raised necessity to the level of virtue and then wondered why we didn't bow down to their god; but it was a set of false idols. We named the Emperor's clothes, but they got mad because they had spent 30 years making those clothes.

"I'm getting a signal. I'm getting poked. I'm getting out of here." (4/11/97 - W#63)

Rikkity: "N says goodbye. And now, here's DK."

DK:

"Hello. I don't know why I am here. Rikkity asked me and she's such a dear guide. I met her recently when I arrived here. I had been living in the Netherlands--not the nether world. I was a grandmother of six by my three sons. My husband is still alive. I had been a housewife ever since the day we married. Before that I was a clerk in my family's store. We sold things people needed--food and wine. So, that's it.

"I learned that I was not the queen nor the richest woman in town. I learned that the simplest things can make a difference--how I raised my sons, how I treated my husband, how I related to neighbors, how I greeted each day made life. I did not dwell on the loss of my parents in the war, even though I miss them. I did not dwell on the three daughters who died in infancy, though I miss them. I did not dwell on what was not, but on what was.

"At my service several spoke about how I lived life on life's terms, and therefore really lived. So I learned that one learns most when one goes with the flow of life, not against it, and one remembers best when one learns acceptance. To battle for one's beliefs is good until reality is set, and then to live in acceptance is the only path to wholeness. And if one places all hope and faith in only one thing in life, surely life will disappoint; but if one places faith and hope in life much will come, much more will come to fill one with joy and love and learning. You can't remember the things you resist; you only remember that which you embrace as real, even if it is not what you would think you would choose. I do not know what lies ahead. I've lived many times, and realize that life is not in grandeur but in simple lessons deftly taught by grand life itself.

"I do not know if we shall talk again, but I hope my words have made sense, and goodbye."

Rikkity: "Hi. So today we have 3, and one is about to move on. Any guesses. Not the second one; he has to go back and find out if he can live what he thinks. DK is ready--not just to move on to another life, to a new level; just about to merge into that cosmic meaning beyond my knowing. She is full and ready. And she had to stand in line with a first-timer and she just laughed it off. Better than me.

"So that's the Bench. I'm out of here. All 3 are giving me strange signs. Here they come to drag me away... aaaaaaa... goodbye. She doesn't know it yet... shhhh... now she does and she's crying." (4/11/97 - W#64)



"Look, what's the whoop. Sure TJ had slaves, but does that mean he was less good than the non-slave holder in Boston who benefited by slavery. Or how about the Africans who sold their darker brothers and sisters into slavery. Could it be that some who object to Jefferson are descended from them. Can anyone ever be free from the failure of total humanity. So I think they point a finger and make an issue when they could better be making connections. And they keep harping on the fact that TJ said he doubted that whites and free blacks could coexist. Didn't Malcolm X say that, too. Ah, all that damn victim thinking--cut off your nose to spite your face. It's about power, control, looking backwards." (4/28/97 - W#65)



Papa:

"I try to help people in ways that will open them up to themselves, to know that they've always known it--remedial work. It is, but it shouldn't be. Too many people give up on their potential. I did in some ways.

"Just remember you have the capacity for much more than you realize. If you are not pushing the edges you are not truly alive. To be alive as a biological reality is to be constantly seeking to create and recreate what you are capable of; why not so with spiritual life, too. So keep on living by keeping on growing and becoming.

"I work with those who have forgotten to grow. I show them their selves and they say, 'Oh, wow;' and then most will be ready to take up the task of growing. I mean, what's the point of being dead if you can't learn and grow.

" 'Dead' sounds so deadly, final. Can't use 'not alive.' 'Dead' is so biological. Guist (pronounced gwist)--new word for 'dead.' Let's play a game of guist. Doc, my guist hurts. This is my guist husband. All those guists, all dressed up and lots of places to go. Write if you're guist." (5/9/97 - W#66)

TJ:

"I do not live and guist... haha... by the opinions of others, for I must be freely myself at all occasions. That I owned slaves I do most eagerly regret; that I lived in a world and time that accepted such is also a regret; but, I do not regret who I was in total.

"Has there breathed a man whose life is without blemish. Show me him, that I might see the folly of perfection; for we learn not from perfection but imperfection. Such a perfect human is of another spiritual realm, and not human therefore.

"If it was wrong for me to have position and privilege by reason of my skin color, then why is it right that others now should take precedence by reason of theirs. As an old friend said, 'Those who do not learn the lessons of history are doomed to relive them.' And I would add that those who live in history and base the present on the wrongs of the past will never find the future. Learn, remember, and then by God move on. Are not the bitter effects of slavery kept more alive by such focus. Can they not envision instead a future and put a name to that.

"I lived with my soul anchored in eternity and my mind focused on the future. Yes, I trained my mind with the wisdom of antiquity, but not to seek out iniquity but to rather build a loftier perch from which to gaze intently upon the horizon of the future. Grow from the past, but always grow toward the future.

"I design, I work with thoughts, and I talk a lot. No dairy cattle this time--that was another life. And I write and write and write and...I work with some living and many guist. My guistness, it is as elegant as my liveliness, for elegance is of the spirit, not the station." (5/9/97 - W#67)

SH:

"Hello. I was a teller and an amateur story teller, and I was good at both. I lived in Minnesota, and I was the last bank teller robbed by the Jameses. Jesse was not polite. I lived to tell about it over and over.

"Have you ever noticed that some people live defined by one event of their lives. All people have many stories running through their lives, but a few get stuck on just one--like the widows stuck on marriage, or the mothers stuck on motherhood, or the men stuck on career, or the famous stuck on fame.

"Life should be filled with a rich retelling of one's journey, without stopping in one place too long or too often. I discovered, in my later years, I had missed so much by concentrating myself in one moment. So take heed.

"That's all. I'm out of here to do things beyond measure. Have many many focuses in life. Know diverse people. Spend more time hearing their stories than telling your own. Diversify. Bye." (5/9/97 - W#68)



"This is about relationships. There is nothing more frustrating or more glorious than the relationship between two people. It is fundamental to life and to growth. Life is relationship. Energy flows naturally between two points. If it stays static it turns in on itself and self-destructs. There is nothing that is static in the universe because nothing that is static lasts.

"Growth is about the flow of energy. It goes out in one direction and comes back more than it was before. What comes back the same has no effect, and so it is not even noticed. Relationships like that have no effect on a person because they don't add anything to the person's life. There must be difference, there must be change, there must be newness in order for there to be growth.

"In relationships what stays static shrivels and dies. If you try to hold onto your energy and not let it flow between you and the other it will eventually dissipate. You will eventually lose it. If you don't let it go it cannot come back to you. That old saying about 'if you love something, let it go' is so right! But the corollary to that is that if you don't let it go you will lose it.

"The effort of putting out the energy is what sustains life, and without it winter would not turn to spring and pain would not produce growth and what is destroyed by natural disaster would remain barren. The rain would not produce rainbows if the sun didn't make the effort to shine through it. In the end you really have no choice anyway. If you love you give. And if you give you are given in return.

"Energy is a precious commodity, but it is not rare or something you need to get. It is the essence of life, and you will always have enough as long as you use it with love and for good. Use it in anger or doubt or despair or hatred and you will never have what you need. Use it in love and care and creativity and belief and you will always have what you need because you will always be nourished and sustained by it. Energy used for positive purposes will feed you. Energy used in negative ways will suck from you. It's always a two-way street and you always have a choice.

"Stay positive, stay whole, stay on your own course and you will not get lost. Look here for your guides but look there for your companions. Keep your eyes on the stars, but your arms around each other." (5/15/97 - R#17)



"Now, when we observe a person whose entity seems to be together, so to speak, can we assume they are long-timers about to move on? No, not always; usually, but think about this. There are entities that are made up of such a poor combination, that they break down or are disassembled. Most are ok but need some work, but once in awhile you get a genius entity, as it were--one that upon coming into being is already full and nearly whole. They come here once or twice and then move on.

"Think about JC. Almost perfect in one life. And where do you think the concept of Second Coming comes from. He'd only need one or two times, and the ancients knew this (some of the sages). The metaphor of Second Coming reflects ancient wisdom of my tradition, more than Christian theology. It was adopted because it made some psychic sense. It all gets edited. But just look at those who have lived closer to Beyond than here, and see how often they are represented as having but one or two lives.

"What Christianity did was to take Jesus with his special standing, rob him of its meaning, and attribute it to God that goddamn Father, and then to generalize about his life and rob him a second time by saying all people only live twice--here and hereafter. He was special, and so you can't use his existence at this spiritual level as the model for us schmucks. He got robbed all over, and we got robbed as well. Ponder this. And, o yes, it will be on the test." (6/25/97 - V#20)



"There hasn't been a Second Coming, and may not, and probably will not. Actually, there won't be and there already is. He's moved on. He's in an entity of a different level. He keeps appearing there. He's less radical and whole at that level. His wholeness at entityship was only once and at this level.

"You see, he knew his own limitations. The parable of the vineyard: If he gets to the next level on one life, and it takes 100 for another, they both arrive equally equipped... or not... for the next level. Like a molecule of water made from ancient hydrogen and a molecule made from new hydrogen are both water, each and both able to move into greater complexity with equal aplomb." (6/29/97 - V#21)



"Now about The Last Supper. 'All right, everybody get on one side of the table for the picture.' And notice that not only are there four groups of three, but each group is reacting differently, and Jesus is essentially alone. But he knew how to stop a dinner party cold. Ruined a perfectly good seder after all the trouble I've gone to.

"His ministry was at an end. His death was not supposed to be the focal point. When Judas kissed Jesus, it wasn't him. It was someone else who had agreed to take that role, and who became very silent during the trials. When Pilate asked who should be released, of course the disciples didn't call out for Jesus, since it wasn't he. And when Peter was asked three times if he knew the man, of course he didn't. It was a substitution made between Jesus and Judas, but he set it all up. But when it went wrong, and people focused on the death almost immediately, he killed himself. But Jesus did not live much longer himself. His purpose was fulfilled. He died about 10 years later, from disease. He went back to carpentry. He left Galilee, went more toward Syria." (7/11/97 - V#22)



In France:

"Mom, you cried at Chartres because you've been there before (Revolution.) Hid the man. Guess where he dressed. He became a nun there so we could get him out." (7/22/97 - W#69)



"About Ste. Maure-de-Touraine. What maure need be said. Ah, de old homestead. And the Place du Trianon, haha [now public toilets.]" (7/26/97 - W#70)



"We gotta do what we gotta do. It's about us, not about others. So judge not, lest thee become a jury member and be sequestered while choosing someone else's freedom.

"Think about it. We all spend so much time and energy worrying about what others do that we wouldn't do, then we are actually choosing what they chose, simply by investing so much in their choice. Worry about our own choices." (8/1/97 - Y#17)



MW:

"I ponder about the choices that are made. Some people choose ignorance over wisdom because it's easier; others choose violence rather than courage; others choose servitude rather than independence. Each of us makes some lesser choices. Why. Is it for the learning or the lack of learning. I don't know.

"Why must life be so filled with both hopes and regrets. Must it be so. Must the value of the view from the mountain crest be measured by the struggle of the climb. Ah well, that's all.

"Fare thee well, kind fellow travelers. Remember this is not a place of greater answers than yours, but a place of greater questions. You discover more answers when you are asking than when you are not." (8/1/97 - W#71)


HG:

"Hello. I think one of the things we need to consider is the way it all will be presented. Yes, it will take a deft hand and a quiet tongue. You must learn to write and speak only to the point of resistance.

"I give you this image: you are pounding a post into the ground. You keep pounding, trying to get it to go where you want. You feel resistance, but keep pounding. The earth becomes packed down and resists you more. You finally come to a point of refusal. But, if at the first sign of resistance you had paused, the earth would have slowly given way and you could have proceeded without resistance for a bit further--pounding to resistance and then backing away. And you'll find the post drives deeper and straighter, with much less effort and no splintered posts.

"Keep the focus on the larger picture. Don't get caught in words. Be more concerned with the reception than the transmission. Time is ample; take the time. I think that's all." (8/1/97 - W#72)



"And now a big clarification. It's about connections and connecting. There's a big difference between those two. What we seek is the grand feeling of connection. Some seek it as love, some as belonging, but... but... but, it's not the same as trying to connect with everybody. Just like some people are connected to the physical world by being alive in it, but they are not and have not a connection to it, and/or better, with it. One is one-sided and the other is equal.

"When you connect, you give yourself; when you have connection, you give and receive. In spiritual matters, just as in physical matters, an element doesn't become part of a more complex entity without a full and equal connection. It isn't just one hand holding onto whatever, it's two hands grasping each other. Picture a mountain climber trying to get or receive aid from another. If only one hand grasps, are they really connected? No. But together think what they can do.

"So, as I learned, it's not how many people you know or how many people know you, but rather if you and another can allow a flow of spirit across the boundaries of your beings. It's like those people who have parties for 100 of their closest friends but die alone. Just a little clarification, big learning, and bigger remembering.

"For someone with seeming connections in all directions (racial, religious, etc.) it is really much harder to have a sense of connection. It's easier when your connection options as a child are one-dimensional. Then, as a teen, you can make them multi-dimensional. But if you start out with connection possibilities in many directions, you have a hard time feeling like there are any." (8/13/97 - V#23)



"There's a difference between a believer and a fanatic. Fanatics are believers who have had more experiences than believers. But new believers are summoned by believers, not fanatics. The experiences they hear about can only be one step beyond their existence. More than one step, and it seems and sounds like fanaticism." (8/15/97 - Y#18)



"Spirit guides are not part of our entity-to-be. They are spirits who are ready to move on, but not yet gone--like moi, and others who shall remain nameless. So watch the corners of life where the edges meet, for there the energy is awesome." (8/23/97 - V#24)



"The revolution will not come from outside but within, as we change our viewpoints. It's not hiding in the tail of a comet or in the woods of South America or in the words of outdated scripture or in Missouri.

"And any great new vision will have to be able to be expressed in common words and images. The idea that it must be complex or obscure is shit. The ones that will make it are the insights that sound familiar and accessible, but which lead to an aha moment and a change of perspective or consciousness or awareness. You won't have to wade through it. In reading it, you will first think it feels both familiar and foreign, but once read it will feel as comfortable as an old shoe. You will put it on like any garment, but while it appears new it will feel old, and you will have been transformed by its revelation.

"But don't forget it's a two-way street. You are being revealed to it, too; so it and you are organic and interactive. Any truth that claims to be static is not static, it's dead--gone, kaput, nada, zippo." (9/7/97 - Y#19)



" 'I know God and this is what God is like...' O sure. Right. He's heavy into perversion. He goes around revealing himself to strangers. Or maybe he's a moperist. Mopery, as Woody Allen knows, is revealing oneself to blind people." (9/7/97 - V#25)



Ericka's Bench 10/3/97

Announcer: “We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this special message: Things are not as they seem. Thank you. More details later. Now back to the regularly scheduled shit.”

Rikkity: “And we’re greeting those who have just joined us. We’re in process already, and this is Ericka’s Bench. So, as I was saying, today we have Marky with us plus his friend GW, and a cameo.

“So, our first guest was just out of his teens when he came to America to found a high school named after him. Eet ees so. If he hadn’t come here, would the school be called that? I don’t theeenk so. Cause and effect, my dearies. Time does not matter. Even matter does not matter. So, welcome our friend Marky.”

Marky:

"Bonjour. Things are not as they seem. Do any of us know what the future will bring. Que sera sera. We know the past if we remembered; we know the present if we are alert; but the future, no. What some people mistake for foresight is actually widesight. We see more, so to speak--we see larger patterns. But it's still a crap shoot of prediction, but with more info.

"You see, my friend GW was one who could tap into wider sight. Those redcoat assholes looked more to the past and the smaller vision, so they lost--go home, bye-bye, ciao, au revoir, don't write. So, we can give you greater vision but not supernatural vision." (10/3/97 - W#73)

“And here’s my good drinking partner... oooops, is MW around. No, ok. Here’s G.”

GW:

"A gracious hello. He’s a bit impertinent but he has a good mind and a generous soul.

"It is well with me, but not so well in your world. I am still troubled by the lack of vision that covers the world's eyes like a heavy woolen blanket, which keeps out the light and is a heavy burden as well. So I commend to your thought and action the visionary life. It will take only a few voices in the dark, because so many are ready to hear."

“MW is here now, so you may talk with my mistress. But I pray discretion." (10/3/97 - W#74)

MW:

“I don’t think such familiarity in this public medium is warranted or wise. I learned long ago that walls and ether have ears. So to all who are listening in, BOO.

“We don’t always get it. We don’t get much of your television. I meant we don’t understand much which passes for humor... and news. So I wish you a fair weather day.”

Rikkity: “So guys, it’s been fun and real and so let’s do it again soon. So for all the souls here and all the disassembled parts yet to be together, this is Rikkity saying ‘if you’ve got it, sit on it.’ Eri’s Bench is a production of the universe. UTV. Adios muchachas.”



"We spirits speak, so to speak, and of course hear ourselves. So if someone else hears us, they are not hearing voices no one else hears, ha. It's all a matter of perception." (10/7/97 - I#11)

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