archives6

Ericka's Bench 1/29/99

Rikkity: "One who is dressed in black with matching black mask is ready."

Mr. 1:

"Hello. And it is symbolic of all the masks that people wear. I want to talk about masks. Everyone wears some... but few wear the mask of Zorro.

"We have two types of masks. The first are the masks of protection. These are essential and good. They help us cope. So a mask of courage can help us, a mask of disconnection can shield us. This can be good. But we also have masks of enhancement. These are not good. When we use a mask to hide some of our self, we still have that self; but when we wear a mask to enhance our self, we don't have that and just pretend. One is a limit on realities and the other is a falsification of realities. And the wise person is one who, in time, minimizes both. When we speak of being genuine, this is what we mean--few masks.

"But here's my issue. So many therapies strive to strip away the masks, as if both sides were not good; but only one needs to be stripped away, and the other can remain to be adjusted or deleted as one can. It is often true that the greater number of enhancement masks, the greater of protection ones; but if you work to remove protection, that is misguided. Unmask the pretender image, and then the genuine person will feel free to unmask the other.

"Our masks of enhancement make us need more protection. Some of the most insecure people are those who wear the most masks of enhancement--actors, politicians, and crackpots. And the average loony has more masks of both kinds than you can count. And most of the protective ones protect against self--just like a king who fished, get it [the Fisher King]. His masks in the face of society were masks from his own reality. He needed protection from his own fantasies. And the great maskless one says, 'Ponder that and move on.' Bye." (1/29/99 - W#113)

Rikkity: "And here's 2, who is wearing a tutu, who's too much to behold. If only he wore more, but nooooo."

Mr. 2:

"Do you like the image. Be honest, why not. It all hangs out, like truth. Naked truth is not beautiful, and dressing it up doesn't help much. But if I were to put on this suit, how's that. [A little phony.] And this one [looks more comfortable], and in this my body could do work and you would find it plausible and maybe even meaningful. Now this set of coveralls, so I can work on this car. Or maybe this uniform, or maybe this or this or this. You see, my body becomes useful in the garb and roles which it can assume. So, too, with truth.

"The universe is filled with truth and facts, but none of them mean anything outside of context and application. And in the wrong outfit or use they can be silly, or even sinister. So don't make a big deal out of truth. It is only the naked body on which meaning must be hung; and meaning dressed badly on truth is no better, nor is trying to fit it too tightly or loosely. Truth... now pay attention to this... truth must wear its meaning in an elegant fashion, or be no better than a naked fat man in a pink tutu. And so I say ta-ta." (1/29/99 - W#114)

Rikkity: "And finally 3, who is really dead. He's not just mostly dead. He's dead tired and dead right. 3, go for it."

Mr. 3:

"Activity is not always the way of the world. It is possible to run very fast staying in place. So don't mistake activity for meaning. The sun travels through the galaxy more than any of us, but that travel is without real meaning. It has fact and dimension, but no meaning. The tiniest element, when actively combined with the 16th tiniest element, becomes meaningful to those who thirst; but either just running around would mean nothing. Just so, all the great truths mean nothing to one who is starving. So don't mistake action for meaning. And if you paid attention, you would have seen that there is meaning in activity only when it leads to connections, ha. And I'm dead tired and dead done." (1/29/99 - W#115)

TL at a chat session on Trust:

"Dear friends, it is so easy to confuse our sense of 'trust' with the idea of trust in others. What we learn here, on this side, is that we must all learn to trust ourselves. Only then can we connect with our entity. Trust in others stems from this trust in ourselves, but it is not the primary lesson. So, let's begin at the beginning:

"As babies we trust. What Rikkity told you is true. Trust is not a choice we learn, but a natural state of being. We come into this world with a trust in ourselves that is born from experience on my side. Here we know that we can trust because we experience it. We experience the consequences of trust and learn that it leads to growth and understanding of ourselves and our place in the universe. On your side, however, things go wrong. And this is what happens: it's all about energy. Again and again you hear us talking about energy and that's because it is the source and the primary foundation of all that is! Big surprise! Haha.

"So, here's what happens: you come into the world trusting, naked, full of love and hope and possibility. You are born into a family and you grow through association with that family. Some people in that family are needy. They need you to be what they need you to be. And since you have no sense of identity apart from your connection to them, you try your best to be what they want you to be. But it's like you are a bank--full of riches and treasures--and they come to you for what they need, and project all their wants and needs and hopes on your physically helpless little self. Think of them as bank robbers for a moment. Now this is not true of all of them, but some of them will want something from you that you cannot naturally give, and they will try to take it from you by force and violence. How does that look? I know that all of you here have experienced that person who is more than willing to tear down your trust in yourself so that s/he can get what s/he needs from you. It's so tragic, but it happens to almost all of us; and then, because we love we want to give, and we give up parts of ourselves. It is then that we learn to mistrust. We willingly hand over our resources, our values, our sense of self to others in order to get what we think we then need from them. Some of it is for survival, some of it is for love. But we grow through that with a diminished self that is then a little more needy of what others can give us. And then we repeat the pattern, unless we are very very conscious of it.

"How then do we get back that trust, that value of ourselves that is so critical to making us whole? We need to go back, to relive what happened, to understand that those who tried to 'rob' us were doing it because they were needy, and not because there was something wrong with us. We need to grow backwards, in a way, before we can go forwards and reclaim that value and fill that bank up again with the treasures and riches that were and are our birthright. If you focus on trusting others, you are looking in the wrong direction, and all you will find is frustration and/or false faith. Focus on yourself and the rest will follow. We are not being selfish when we do that, we are being real; and no one near and dear to us benefits when we don't because, you see, the energy that others get from us when we are not trusting of ourselves is not ever really theirs and will not serve their needs nor ours. It's really that simple. And now I must go. It's been a pleasure, as always. You have much to ponder, so I will leave you now. Goodbye!" (1/31/99 - W#116)

PH at a chat session on Purpose:

"Merci. I promised Rikkity I would not speak French tonight. We decided it would be easier for you to understand me if I spoke English. So, I come to you tonight to speak about purpose.

"In my time with dear Rikkity, who was known then as Annabella, and with Randy and Elissa, who were known then as Hector and Simone, I lived in fear for much of the time, as we all did when the revolution came. Before that, I thought I knew my purpose. It was all very clear, you see. I was noble, and the nobility had a clear path mapped out for them in those days. All I needed to do was take care of my lands, my servants, my horses, and give great parties and alms to the poor and needy. Little did I imagine that those poor and needy would soon want all that I had, including my life.

"You in America had a revolution that was quite different. Ours was about freedom, yes, but only for some of us. We who were noble were to be removed from the flow of life because they could not understand how the flow could include everyone. For that reason, we were killed; for their ignorance and intolerance and fear we lived in terror. My home was destroyed by fire, as was most of Simone's and Annabella's and Hector's. But here's what happened next: the revolutionaries found me in my burning home, trying to save some of my family's treasures from destruction. Ahhh... I can still smell the smoke and feel the ashes from the fires they set as they made the air black. They found me there, but I was smart. I told them I had helped set the fires and so my life was spared. Then I told them that Simone and Annabella were my sisters--a game we often played at as children. They let them stay on in their 'jobs' as maids. There is much sadness attached to this story, but what we are here to talk about is purpose. What was mine?

"I had lost everything. As I know many of you can relate to this feeling, I will tell you that I didn't know who I was anymore, let alone what my purpose was. I could not even tell anyone who I was for fear of my death. Annabella and Simone were not allowed to speak to me of our former life at all, or to each other, and Hector had to leave the country entirely. But I digress again. I was a nobody to myself for a long while, having no sense of identity. The beautiful and simple map I had been presented with at birth was burned in the fires of terror. So what now?

"I did what I could. I lived with fear until it became a companion. I accepted it and watched it as it took everything from me and those I loved. I lost track of who I was until one day I realized I was not who I used to be, I was not who the revolutionaries thought I was, I was not a servant or a stable hand, I was not anything that anyone around me saw or thought me to be! I was certainly not a noble. And as all was stripped away from me and secrecy and lies and fear took the place of uncertainty, I learned the greatest lesson of any of my lives. I learned that who I was was what I was. Even though I could not speak it, I became the man who was a friend, who was even a savior of sorts to some, who was loyal, who was kind and truthful to those who could hear the truth, who watched horses and rainbows and trees and streams, and learned that being is the process by which we come to know ourselves--not doing or hearing about it from others--but being who we are. I watched the trees as the seasons changed their shape and size and color, and I saw that they remained strong and secure in what their essence was in spite of everything that seemed to change about and around them, and I learned what my essence was. If you lose your life, as Jesus said, you will find it. But only if you look within.

"I hope you will excuse my awkward phrasing. I am not a great philosopher (I even had trouble spelling that) but I am a man who has learned the true meaning of purpose and has hoped to relay some of what I have learned to you, my dear friends and fellow travelers. Thank you for your kind attention. I will leave now and I wish you well on your journey. Goodnight and God bless you all." (2/7/99 - W#117)

C at a chat session on Connection:

"Good evening, RevRandy and company. I did have a great appreciation for the feminine form, and Rikkity's is quite spectacular, I must say. She asked me to be here tonight to tell you about my experiences and what I learned from the time for which I am best known. I am happy to share with you on this fine evening and thank you for your attention.

"Mine was not a happy childhood. In fact, I thought of myself as an orphan, though my parents lived. You see, they were actors and rarely had time for me or my needs. I remember clinging to my mother's skirts as she walked out the door, begging for her attention and care. But what I ended up clinging to was air. Like many of my later relationships, I clung to that which had content, but no real substance. So I searched for what I needed in other women. I loved women, but no woman. So many of us believe we need to connect with everyone on every level, and end up connected to nothing. If there is nothing personal in your relationship, your relationship will be nothing personal and so it will not fulfill. In fact, what will happen is you will feel needier than before, because what you have done is expend so much energy trying to get what you need that you deplete your own resources. So, back to me, ha. I searched everywhere for what I needed and found I could get almost any woman into my bed, but could not get any woman to stay. My need was so great that once I had used all my energy to get her, I had nothing left and waited for her to fill me again. But no one wants to be a well for another. If it is not a 2-way street, one of the parties suffers.

"Think about this: those who say they search for a personal relationship with God search for the impossible. Why? We can only know what is in ourselves, and sometimes, if we are fortunate, what is given us to know of another. That's it. There must be effort on both sides if there is to be connection. We cannot know a personal relationship with God because God cannot personally relate to us at this level, except... except... through one another and the sense of the divine in ourselves!

"Think about the spider for a moment. The spider weaves his web by starting in his own center. He takes what is within himself or herself, and spins it out from the center of its being into a web, bit by bit, patiently and slowly. The connections that are made are made to hold, and the web's strands connect in 2 directions--just as any relationship must. Think what would occur if the spider tried to weave a strand that went from his center straight up or across to where he thought his web should end! His web would collapse! It could not hold and it would not be strong enough to last. We are all spiders in our way--and yes, I am aware that some of you ladies are not enamored of that little creature, but bear with me, ha. We all have that within our centers from which and with which we reach out to one another and into our worlds. If we patiently spin out of our centers that which is truly us, it will connect us with each other and with what we need. If the strand of our web does not connect to the strand of the web of another, it cannot sustain itself. The structure must be built in both directions. So, remember that spider, patiently spinning out of who it is, reaching out to connect, and not trying to weave a single strand to what it perceives as its end point, but weaving many strands into what it knows will fill and fulfill and feed it. I hope this image will stay with you and be meaningful to you. And now I wish you a happy Valentine's Day and I must take my leave, as the energy here is running low, ha. It has been my pleasure and my honor, and I hope to be able to join you all again. Goodnight and thank you." (2/14/99 - W#118)

MS at a chat session on Insight and Innersight:

"Rikkity calls me a mystic, but I think of myself as a 'reality therapist.' I deal with sight and with helping people how to see what they think they see and how to see what they think they do not see. I will give you a brief lesson tonight--if you stay here, ha. Most of you like the impressionist painters--Van Gogh, Monet, Manet, Pisarro, etc. And probably many of you know that in their own times they were not popular and quite misunderstood. But I wonder how many of you know that the reason they were not popular and the reason they were misunderstood was because people could not see their work! The style they used was so unfamiliar that those who looked at their paintings actually could not see what they had painted. And it made them confused, and even angry. Think about how you feel when you do not understand something. It's uncomfortable, isn't it? It can even make you angry when what you're hearing/seeing is so foreign to you that it makes no sense. You probably feel like screaming: what is that? Perhaps some of you have felt that way when viewing modern art. Who has not looked at a canvas covered with nothing but a red square and been confused and maybe even a little bit angry that something like that is hanging on a wall in a museum? What we don't understand, we can't see.

"Now let's see how that plays out in politics. Think about World War II and the German situation just before that time. The Germans, who were already something of control freaks, felt their world on the verge of collapse, and were confused and angry and disoriented. They were uncomfortable, and again, no one likes to be uncomfortable. Can you see what's coming next? Someone came along who they felt comfortable with. Someone came along who told them they were, not only ok, but better than everyone else. Someone came along with easy and clear answers. That someone was, of course, Hitler.

"Comfort is not how we grow or learn. Think of the most comfortable place in your house. Is it not your bed? And how much do you learn there (and I'm excluding dreams for the purpose of argument). We learn when what we see does not quite match what we know, and yet it sounds like it might make sense. Too different from what we know and we will reject it. Too much the same, and it will not ask anything of us and so we will not learn from it. Think about a classroom, the archetype of the place of learning. No one is comfortable in a classroom, and if you are it's either because you just don't get it or because you already know it. So growth does not come from comfort, it comes from what the psychologists call 'cognitive dissonance.' And that means that you begin at a base of knowing, and reach a 'growing edge' which spurs you onward and upward. So, the answer to the question is this: we do not only need to learn from pain. Grief and loss are learning experiences--or can be--because they cause us discomfort. They shake us up. They wipe away some of that familiar rut we abide in so willingly and happily. It does not take pain to learn, but it does require some level of discomfort. Think about how much you learn when you travel. Is it painful? Usually not, unless you are in a very 'primitive' country, but it is almost always a bit uncomfortable because you are not 'at home.' Here's a simple test: if you are comfortable--which is what we all strive to be--you are not learning. And yes, we all need that time of rest in between the times of learning--time to recover and assimilate what we have learned before we go on to the next lesson. But the 'growing edge' is not a comfortable place to be, and no one learns much in a bubble bath, ha. And with that, I will take my leave of this kind company, and hope to join you again in the not too distant future. You are a warm and open group of souls, and it has been a delight to be with you tonight. Goodnight." (2/21/99 - W#119)

"Faith is not a wall, but a flow. And faith is not about the destination, but about the trip. You always have faith, but is that faith one that helps you find your way, or keeps you from finding it. You could have faith in evil, but that faith would not sustain or enliven. Faith is always best when it encompasses positive energy flow.

"Here's an example. Faith says 'God is love, such love is surrounding you always'... good. But if the faith had an obligation of obedience that one must give, o no, it becomes a negative energy flow. Not going to learn and grow from that. Faith should always focus on what is becoming, not what already is. Our failures already are, but our living beyond them is not yet. Got it. It is known, but not yet lived. You can't have faith beyond your capacity to perceive and envision, so it is already known. Ideals beyond your ken are as madness to your being.

"So, for my friend VD, her faith was an object to others, and in her defense of it, she objectified it also. Then when she needed a way, a path, a road in unknown territory, all she had was a narrow worn object which did not sustain, and which she eventually gave up; until one day, as she lived and thrived again, she sensed faith in and with her as part of her being, not an object apart from herself. Whenever anyone must defend her or his faith, there is the great danger that the defense of that faith will objectify and lessen and destroy that faith. Enough!" (3/6/99 - V#40)

VD at a chat session on Faith:

"Buenas noches, dear friends and lovely souls. I am smiling brightly because it is such a pleasure and honor to be able to be with you tonight. You do not realize how special you all are and how special it is for us spirits to be able to join with you in this way. But on to my story, which I hope will help you understand the faith journey--for mine was a faith journey at its very core.

"I lived at the time of the Spanish Inquisition. Fear was everywhere and pervaded all of our social interactions. There was great paranoia at that time, and people in power were so afraid of what lay beyond the walls they had so carefully constructed. They had the answers, they believed, and what was outside of those answers was threatening to the very basis upon which their lives were built. It was fear that ruled in the name of religion back then.

"I was taken early on in the process, a young and very ignorant girl with nothing but my faith to sustain me--or so I thought. I had done nothing wrong but associate with someone they suspected of being a heretic to the faith... to their faith. So they brought me into a prison of cold stone walls and led me down cold stone steps in the name of God and faith, and I followed in the name of God and faith; for I believed I had nothing to fear and was pure of heart, and they would see that shining in my eyes and through my willing and humble and obedient soul. I answered all their questions; and I knew the answers to all their questions for I had been taught well, and believed all I had been taught. I looked them straight in the eye and recited my litany of given doctrine. The change began in me as I began to answer their questions. For though I knew the answers, the answers became my masters rather than my servants. They let me go at last, satisfied that I was faithful and no threat to the Holy Church or to them. And I walked back up those cold stone steps feeling vindicated and righteous, and also feeling something was missing.

"As I walked through the days that followed, I watched my friends and family as they lived in fear--in fear that the answers they gave and the stories they told would be somehow suspect and judged unsatisfactory. I watched as all around me became victims of their faith; and I began to feel that I was no longer free to choose what I believed, and what I believed had control over me. All of a sudden I understood that my faith was not sustaining me, I was sustaining it! I had outgrown it, and it would not move with my growth. Like an old dress I had outgrown, I discovered I needed to leave it behind; and so I stepped out of it and out of the walls I had built and others had blessed, and I declared myself a heretic in my heart. I watched my friends frozen with fear, afraid to say anything or express their own truths or opinions, and I was sad. But I went on, and learned that no faith was better than one that demanded my life. Martyrs were plentiful in those dark days but I was not about to become one of them! Any faith that demanded I give up my life was asking too high a price for me.

"So I went through the motions in order to survive, for I had learned a bit of wisdom in this process, and gave up my faith and decided that fear must be lived with but not made my master. I loved, I married, I had a child, and all the while no one suspected what was happening within my heart. Until one bright glorious morning, I awoke to find the sun on the verge of rising over the fields near my home. It was golden and fresh and a light like none other I have ever experienced on Earth in the physical. I knew, at that moment, that I had survived a nightmare and I had done that, not by taking as true any faith someone had said I must believe, but by being true to myself and my own vision. I understood that my center, my wholeness, the love and care I was able to communicate to those around me, the way I moved through the world, and the friendship I offered to those who would take it, these were the important things... these were what had sustained me through that time of fear and paranoia, and these were the things that had brought me into a new faith: a faith in love and a faith in myself. I had not lost faith, I had merely replaced a false faith with a true one. I had replaced the wall I had built with the flow of love and care and time and wholeness. I had moved through that wall and through the fear and I stood on the other side and rejoiced and shouted halleluja! and fell on my knees and thanked my God. I am now finding myself in happy tears, and so I will leave you. I hope you will remember my story and that it has meaning for your journey. Goodnight and may you all find your faith." (3/7/99 - W#120)

H at a chat session on Hope:

"Thank you, and hello to my compadres here this evening. It is raining outside, but in here there is warmth and good fellowship. Ola! I wish to speak to you this evening about my hopes and how they were destroyed... dashed on the shores of the New World which we now are chatting in. I was an explorer. That probably sounds romantic to many of you, and indeed the stories of our adventures are in your history books and part of your childhood. In my time, exploration of the world was the only way we had to express the discontent and restlessness we felt. We could not explore spiritually as you here are doing, so we set out to conquer the world we could find and expand our territories of earth. But we had something in common with you here. We were searching for a new world. Do you see? The searching you are doing here is often tied to the hopes of finding a new world of the spirit and a new beginning for humankind. But hopes cannot be based on a collective vision for they will fail, as we discovered.

"When I set out to conquer... and I was called a conquistador!... I had dreams and illusions of discovering a world of riches and treasures beyond anything known--a City of Gold that was told to us in legend. I came to this New World and left everything I knew behind me. I even burned my ships so there would be no going back. To not look back, I believed, was the way to go toward the future. I was, as you may have guessed by now, very determined and rather stubborn! Nothing was going to stand in the way of my realizing my dream. But what I discovered was not what I hoped for. When I got to the City of Gold I could not see it. I was blinded by the desire to find something concrete-- something I could bring home with me that would bring me power and glory and riches in return. I did not see the gold that was there before my very eyes--the richness of the peoples and culture I encountered, and all that I might have learned from them had I not been so determined to have my own way.

"It is a story of sadness that I tell, and I am not proud of the murder that I did or the treasure that I stole or the identity that I pretended was my own--for they believed I was a god and I let them (I speak here of the Aztecs, of course). I reached out for the gold that I saw there and it turned to dust in my hands. I did not learn in that life, and my message to you tonight is this: hopes can sustain you, hopes can propell you toward what you need to experience, but hopes are not an end in themselves. Put your hopes in others, put your hopes in a system, put your hopes in the dream of a better world for everyone, put your hopes in anything that you cannot personally experience and learn from, and you find them turning to dust as you reach out to grasp them, just as I did. But if your City of Gold is the gold of the sunset, the gold of the bright morning sky, the gold of the love of yourself and each other, the gold of what lies beyond today's pain and disappointments--no matter what that may mean--then you find your hands wrapped joyously around the greatest treasure on Earth or in Heaven, and you will find your experience will bring you learning and growth and meaning. And what greater gift, what more precious treasure than that? Keep your eyes on the prize, yes, but do not think that you will get what you think you will get. The joy and the gift is the hope. The healing and learning and progression will only come through that process. And you will find your City of Gold where you never thought it would appear, because our Cities of Gold are all around us always and all we need to do is open our eyes and look. I thank you for your gracious attention, and now I must retreat, ha. Goodnight and good journeys!" (3/14/99 - W#121)

TL at a chat session on Balance:

"Hello to all my old friends and new. Today is a special day on your calendar. It is the Spring Equinox. This means that the day and night are equal--for one day anyway. But I ask you, does it feel that way? Just because they are equal does not mean we perceive them as equal. And moreover, just because they are equal does not mean we perceive them as in balance, for balance is not equality. Equality is something that can be objectively measured (if there is such a thing as objective, haha) but balance is within us and cannot be seen by anyone or anything outside of us. Let's take a few examples.

"I love analogies! Here they are visible, but for you I will use words... unless you want to come visit me! So, let's talk about a budget. You have a total amount, you have categories. You want to make the categories add up to the total income. You do not make all the categories equal in order to do that. That would make for a very strange budget indeed. No, what you do is attempt to achieve balance by adjusting the amounts so they add up to the desired total. And if one month you find yourself overspent in one category, you compensate for that by spending less in another. Or how about a see-saw? Say you have two people on a see-saw. One is heavier than the other. How do you balance? You adjust the weight. If you are the heavier one, you move closer to the center in order to compensate. Make sense? When you have a heavy load, you move it closer in order to make it possible for you to carry it without throwing you off balance. As anyone who works out knows, when you hold a weight far from your center, it is much more difficult to balance. So, that's a clue: if you are finding balance difficult, it may be because you are holding the heavy parts of your life at a distance too great. When we have pain and loss we want to distance ourselves from it. But that will not lead us to balance. Quite the contrary. It takes a willingness to hold the hard parts close in order to come to balance. And as any student knows, procrastination makes the work harder.

"Now let's touch briefly on the subject of karma. Karma is about making things equal--an eye for an eye, so to speak. But how about this scenario: you have a murderer... does he need to return to life as a victim? Is the balance that is sought contained in that visible circumstance that would seem to be so obviously needed in our eyes? Maybe, but maybe he would be disassembled... or maybe he would come back as a person who had to struggle every waking moment of his life with the desire to strike out at someone he loved. That would be balance, would it not? But it would not be visible to anyone but him. So we must be very careful with concepts like that, because our tendency is to think concretely and to judge in concrete terms. We don't always see what is within another soul; in fact, we almost never see that.

"Now, let's try a little exercise. If you would (and if you can) get out of your chairs and stand up. I'll wait, ha. Now, put equal weight on both your feet, balance your weight so that it is evenly distributed. Ok? Now walk. You can't move forward without losing balance. That's a lesson. You cannot move forward unless you allow yourself to be off balance for awhile. Think of dancing. It is the grace and beauty and joy of dancing that we admire and love, but it is a constant process of losing balance and compensating! And so is the dance of life. We are all losing balance and compensating on a daily basis, and no one can stay in balance all the time without being stuck in one place. Ponder that.

"To go forward, to feel the joy and grace and movement of life, you need to let go of that balance at times. Do not fear imbalance or think there is something wrong with you if you don't feel it. Trust that in the fullness of time and with the wisdom of experience and the support of loving friends you will regain your balance when you are ready to move forward again. Meanwhile, enjoy the imbalance and the inequality, for it too is part of life. And remember to hold your hurt and your difficulties close, for they will lead you where you need to go. If you try to distance yourself from them, they will pull you down. I think that's enough for now. Thank you for your attention. I hope you have sat back down! Haha. Goodnight, my friends. It is always such a pleasure to be here with you!" (3/21/99 - W#122)

Marky at a Serendipity Night chat session:

"Bonsoir mes amis! It is so good to be back with you again. I am here tonight to speak to you, dear companions, about continuity. What is it that we deem valuable to continue and what is it we need to leave behind as we journey through life (and death).

"In the life I speak of, I was a man of great integrity and some called me a hero. I knew no other way to live and I tell you what it was that motivated me. I was a nobleman and had access to all the riches and luxuries anyone could desire. But to me, my values of hope and vision and courage and committment were what I lived for and what mattered. Do not think that, when you see a rich or famous or powerful person, their life--or lives--are always focused on wealth or fame or power. For me, those things were a means to an end, and my being was that which flowed around them; it was not defined by them. So I left my comfortable and luxurious life in France, where I had my home and wife and servants and friends; and I came to your country because you were fighting for liberty and because there was a vision here of how life could be and I wanted to help make that vision reality. I didn't give it a second thought. The only question I asked was 'how can I get there?' Some thought I was crazy, or fou as we say in French, but I could do no other. I joined your revolution because it was my revolution, even though I was French. You see those arbitrary dividing lines meant little to me.

"And then, when I returned to my country, I found it in turmoil as well--with one government after another trying to gain power. Napoleon finally succeeded in creating a dictatorship out of the desire for change of the French people. How could this happen, you wonder? He saw the people wanted change, wanted liberty, wanted respect and the ability to attain their highest potential, and he wanted to give it to them. He sincerely wanted change as well, and he made many changes that were worthwhile. But then he got stuck in his sense of knowing what was good for the people better than they did themselves! He wanted to continue his form of rule and the answers that he had found long after they ceased to be responsive to the needs of the people. What he failed to see--and what so many in power fail to see--was that the people and their desires and needs are ever-changing and, if that is not responded to, any form of government will fail or be required to enforce its rule by force and by harming the very same people it is intended to aid.

"All this is by way of saying to you, do not try to continue that which is not meant to be continued. Learn to tell the difference between that which is universal and that which is concrete... ah, that's such a difficult one for you! Here's another way to look at it: imagine you are 5 years old and you are taught to obey and respect your parents. When you are 40 years old will you still react to them in the same way? Those who do are attempting to continue that which needs to be changed and to change that which needs to be continued. Do you still treat your children as though they were 5 when they reach 40? You continue your love, you continue what you learned from them, you continue the unconditional regard that a parent gives to a child, you continue to help and nurture them, but you do not continue to try to make them obey you or get to work on time! At least, I hope not, haha.

"This journey we are on requires us to travel light. It requires us to make choices--what will we take with us, and what will we leave behind? In your valise or suitcase, what is it you will pack? Will it be the sweater you loved when you were in junior high school or middle school? Will you try to carry with you every memory and item from your past that you can lug behind you? Or will you choose to carry with you what you have learned--the love and compassion, the vision and belief, the truths and the committments to a better future. All learnings and rememberings take up little space, but they fill the content of your life the way no material or concrete object can. These are choices we all make on a daily basis. Be aware of them as they appear; and, if you can make the choices to be whole and hopeful and loving and true to yourself, you will find your valise is packed to the brim and yet there will still remain a space which will be open to that which is serendipitous. I will depart, leaving you with love and care and hope. Bonsoir!" (3/28/99 - W#123)

"Now listen or read... whatever you do... intuit or sense. What I say is very important. That I say it is not. Remember the man with the cross. Had to duck out before the last chapter because the masses had confused message and messenger. Don't fall into that trap. It's yours to use and spread, but remember, it's not meant to be a table spread or a bedspread. And no, not an imitation spread nor a low calorie one." (4/11/99 - Y#27)

"What does difference--real, deep difference--mean in Spiritual Persistence. The core of the connectional image: If we can sense our connection to our most opposite, everything else is easy." (4/11/99 - Y#28)

"Tonight let's emphasize tuna--how there's tuna and albacore and light and dark and white and in oil and in water, but it's all tuna. Or not. If you make a sandwich, it matters which tuna you use. So you may have several identities going, but that's ok if you use them wisely and appropriately. So be who you were before and miss the mark; be who you will be and miss the mark; be who you want to be and miss the mark; but be who you are now, and the mark you need to focus on will line up for you. Get it. And I don't mean that which is always easy, or that which seems automatically right.

"An analogy: You are driving a train. Ahead there is a switch. To the right is the mainline, high ball and high speed, but to the left is the Mountain Division. You approach the switch and you say 'I am a crack Limited. I should get the main,' or you say 'I always get the main,' or 'I would like to get the main.' But when you get there, the switch is for the left for the Mountain Division--long, slow, hard going, with lots of switchbacks and cuts and all that railroad shit. So you ask yourself 'Is this where I am really supposed to go.' But hey, in the end you get to the terminal just the same, but the scenery dazzles and the work enlightens and you are never asked to go too fast nor beyond your capacity. And what you might not know at the time was that, if you had got the main, it was blocked by a landslide or occupied by a train on a collision course or broken in some spot or would have pushed you over your capacity. Life's switches will be aligned for where the real you needs to go. No miracles, no tragedies, just the way it is. Identity should express the sum of the person's journeys, not be the choosers of the journeys. Get it.

"Spiritual Persistence works because when you truly become yourself, you become part of a larger identity--not the other way around. And that's enough for me and you and now. The other way proposes the reverse, and it says that you only find yourself by participating again in something larger and other than self--lose your identity--while Spiritual Persistence says find it, or be a tea lady. I theenk this is eet." (4/11/99 - V#41)

Selene at a chat session on Identity:

"Greetings to all of you special souls, and especially to my dear Joseph, whom I still think of fondly and with desire. What my dear Joseph did not say is that I am one aspect of who you know as Rikkity. I was/am her in one of her lives, and tonight I will speak to you from my perspective of my life as an Ethiopian slave who was brought to Babylon and became the loved and loving wife of the man who bought and then freed her.

"In Ethiopia I was known as the 'beautiful Selene.' They named me after the goddess of the moon. The moon is constant, and changes as the light of the sun changes. But no matter what phase it shows itself in, it remains the moon--and so I would live up to and into my name in this way. I was always who I was, and that is why I am here tonight speaking to you about identity.

"I was a dancer. I loved the dance and it filled and fulfilled me. There was a stupid tribal war of sorts, and I was taken as a slave in the hopes that the enemy would be appeased and leave my people alone. So I was the sacrifice, if you will. I was torn away from my homeland and given to those who hated me, but very few could hate my beauty. I could have become bitter, I could have become tired and sullen and shrewish; but I did not become my identity as a slave because I was always who I was. I did not stop dancing just because I had been separated from the land I loved to dance in. Are you beginning to understand? The dance was who I was, no matter what they told me I was. And when I danced I was free. And that, in the end, is what set me free! You see, when my beloved Joseph saw me dance, he loved me and saw who I was and that I could not remain in slavery. He bought me and then set me free, not because of who he was--though he was a kind and loving soul--but because I, in remaining true to myself, was who I was and who I was was free! I was not my role. I was not what everyone said I was. I was not what I wanted to be. Listen to this: if I had been who I wanted to be--which was free--then I would have behaved quite differently. I might have become quiet and subservient. I might have asked meekly for attention or favor. Joseph would probably not have even noticed me then. But in being who I was in the moment, I set myself free.

"There is a rhythm to who we are that cannot be duplicated by anyone else. Hear your own rhythm... is it like this: ta da da dum dum, or is it like this: de da da da de... there are infinite combinations, and infinite rhythms, and we are all unique. So, sometimes the things we 'want' aren't any more who we are either. We are more than the moment and what we want. And the rhythm we are is what we carry through all our lifetimes. This rhythm is our heartbeat, our 'soul beat.' I always loved to dance, and I still do and always will--it is part of my rhythm, part of my energy. This rhythm will always say 'me' when you hear it. I am energy and dance and exuberance and connection. That is who I am, and whether you hear/see me as Selene or Rikkity or Annabella, you will always hear my rhythm and you will always recognize the clinking sound of the gold coins on the chain I wear that encircles my waist. Thank you for that gift, my dear Joseph, and thank you all for your kind attentiveness. Now, there was a question or comment?

"Were you afraid of self doubt when you were a slave? I was afraid my life would be cut short, but I was not afraid of losing sight of who I was.

"What if your captors had made it impossible for you to dance ( say they broke your neck.) My soul would have still gone on dancing, even if my feet no longer could.

"How do we best get to know that rhythm Selene? the 'real' us? You know it in the way you move through your life, you know it in what feeds and sustains and fulfills you. Try to look past the roles and the dailyness of who you are. It is the deepest core of you, deeper than your heartbeat. If you were given the choice of doing only one thing for the rest of your existence, what would it be? And I don't mean necessarily a 'doing' thing, but more of a 'being' thing. That's a clue.

"Well dancing is a metaphor isn't it, Selene? If you had no legs you would do your dance in your head? Yes, I would because that is who I am. And now I must leave you. Ponder well, my friends. Goodnight and my love reaches out to all of you." (4/11/99 - W#124)

"If different perceptions lead to either connection or universal, ok. But if differences lead to separation and uniquity (a one-shot particularity), bad. If we miss the differences, we miss the potentials for a greater diversity. But if you focus on them, you lose. Notice, yes; appreciate, yes; focus, no. Get it.

"A clue: if MCP brought back from his travels spices already used, what's the point. If he brought back ones that were so different that no one could think of using them, not great. But if he brought back new and usable ones, life gets bigger and bolder and spicier... until Ginger Spice leaves to get married." (4/18/99 - Y#29)

MCP at a chat session on Difference:

"Buona sera, friends-a. I am here tonight to speak to you about some of the things I learned during my extensive travels around the world. I am sure most of you have had the experience of traveling. If so, you know that it takes a certain way of perceiving your experience in order to learn and grow from it. For instance, when you travel you must look for differences or you will see nothing you do not already know... and if that is the case, what's the point? Haha.

"So, when you travel, you look for two things: one is that which is familiar to you, and the other is that which is different. If you only looked for that which was different you would not understand what you were seeing, no? For instance, I am very short... some might call me height-challenged, ha. So, if I was walking down the road and came up to a very tall man, and looked at him as only a very tall man, what would I have to say to him? Nothing, nada, niente, zippo! I would look up at him, I would stare, I would be impressed possibly, but I would not be able to relate to him or learn from him. So, but if then I asked him about his children or his dreams or his hopes and fears, aha! Then we would have something to talk about, and then perhaps he would tell me what it was like to be so tall.

"Here's another example: take language. If you learn a new language, and all you learn are the words, what good is it? The words are meaningless in themselves--they are different and foreign and mean nothing to you but sounds. Ah, but if then you translate them, you make them part of your own reality and experience and relate them to what you know, well then you have drawn a bigger circle and have expanded your experience and knowledge. Get it?

"Let's think about spices for a minute.When I was on my travels I brought back home many exotic spices that no one in my country knew about before. I brought them back to be used in what was already known. If I had brought them back to be consumed as a whole, well, that would give many people indigestion of the first order! But they used them along with the foods they already were familiar with, and those foods became tastier and bolder and spicier and more enjoyable. So, the point: differences can lead to connections when you can use them to expand what you already understand and have experienced. There must be some common ground, or there will be no understanding. But without understanding, you will not see the common ground.

"So keep your eyes wide open, keep your heart open as well, look for the horizons--for it is there on the edges that you will find your growth and learning. Make your home on those edges and refuse the familiar comforts that seem so provocative and easy but that will keep you stuck in a soft, cozy chair you will not be able to get up from without great difficulty and even pain. Make your home on the horizon and keep looking for the one that beckons, for there you will find that which will fill and fulfill you. And you will never ever ever be bored! Connect to the differences you can make part of your learning; and those that are just too different to comprehend, perhaps that means you are not ready to comprehend them. So sit on the horizon, ponder the words I give you and the feelings you sense coming from those words, for the meaning is as much in those feelings as it is in those words--and that is another clue, which perhaps we will discuss next time. Until then, I hope you all enjoy yourselves and I look forward to being with you again. But now I must be on my way, for the road awaits and the next new horizon beckons softly with golden and pink sunsets and the riches of growth and learning. Goodnight and God bless you all." (4/18/99 - W#125)

"Constructing a personal philosophy... or, where do our values come from. We don't just inherit them or receive them, but mix some of that with our own learning and remembering. Too much new or too much old is not good. One is flavoring and the other is leavening. Get it wrong and it is either too airy and lacking in substance, or it's too dense and strong. But get the mix right and voilà it's a puff pastry stuffed with flavor. Ever notice, a pinch of herbs adds flavor, a cup of herbs... ugh.

"M is for the many ways we do it.
"A is for anyone, anywhere.
"N is the nuances of life unfolding.
"T is for the truth that is everywhere.
"R is for reason's open mind, and
"A is for aspirations, lofty thoughts.

"Put it all together, you've got MANTRA--the best chant you'll ever want." (4/20/99 - Y#30)

"About probable realities. It's a math concept. At any point in time, there are infinite probable realities; we just know one. Here's an image: a point of light (just one, not thousands). From that point, the light goes out in many directions. One probable reality is that it lights this page; another is that it is seen from Mars; another is that it is swallowed up by a black hole, etc.. All true, all equally probable, but in your existence you follow just one strand of possibilities (sequence, not time). You see ABCDE, but there also could be a ZYXW or a REDQ or a NJHG or a ASKU5--all sequences, all equally possible and probable, even if the sequence is ABCDE. It's not about time. We have probable selves.

"Here's another one. In numbers, you have evens and odds; all numbers are one or the other, in your thinking. But maybe there are others which your thinking doesn't know, but which are just as real. Just because you have ten fingers, doesn't make ten the base of all realities. It adds to All That Is--not personal, but collective. And some day, so to speak, we may unite with a parallel self that took a road not taken by us. We move in realities with many of us's, but we don't notice, because most don't look like us physically, only spiritually. Ponder that... or not." (4/20/99 - I#23)

"This is about a candelabra. Seven candles: ROYGBIV. And light is not light with any one missing or obscured. This is going to be gross, but hang in there. The candles grow in layers of experience, like ear wax grows in layers in your ears. And different phases and different spectra of life gives you different tints to your ear wax. Spend a week in a goldenrod meadow, and it's yellow; in lavender country, blue. Just like life--joy, yes; sorrow, yes; anger, yes; love, yes--these kind of different colors of life. Think what 7 elements of life's experience you would name your 7 candles. It's an exercise.

"And here's a trick: You can make light from 7 very different colors, but they need not be the same 7 different colors, but they do need to have variety and diversity. If someone were to name three: greed, avarice, and desire, those green candles would create a green envious light. Or if you had rage, power, anger, then the red part of the spectrum would dominate. You need a rainbow, but not everyone will have the same intensity and size of each color. And that's all I will say, blech.

"And remember this. A candle without a wick--a candle that cannot be kindled with the risk of some of it being consumed and made into light for others--is not a candle, it's just a lump of ear wax. One transforms the stuff of life into meaning and light, and the other is just residue. Action, sharing, openness, daring, risking, loving, connecting. An unlit candle connects to no one. It's an artifact, a residue, not a beacon, a hope, a flame of love. Hey, if all the helium in the sun just sat there and didn't burn, Earth would be damned dead... or, for the faint of language, darned dead. I go, and that's no excrement." (4/25/99 - Y#31)

"Now listen. MW wants tea. In the break before she comes [in the chat session], brew a cup for her. And shhhhh... English, please. She says women of substance in the larger world had better sip tea, and save the wine for the private moments. She says you can have a cup with her... with a little sugar and milk, please. And then she will tell you how your life creates your philosophy. But your philosophy creates your life. And to see one as separate from the other is folly, or is that Polly... no, it's folly. So, to live unprincipled is a farce and a degradation of God's gift. And to live with principles that ignore realities and experiences and one's own sense of ethical choice is also to demean that gift. We have been granted the privilege to be born into God's creation and to also then be bestowed with the power of creation. So it is not just us, and it is not just other; but the two together in harmony find the lost chord.

"Too many--I say, not her--get caught in one place or another. Our lives teach us what values serve life. And our values lead us to lives filled with those values. And that's all we're going to say now, blech." (4/25/99 - W#126)

MW at a chat session on Constructing a Personal Philosophy:

"Thank you, and a fond good evening to you all. Forgive the delay. We had to adjust the lights and have a sip of our fine English tea. I am here tonight, as always, to offer you some of my perspective. This life we have been given, this opportunity we have been offered by God, is a precious gift; one not to be taken or received lightly, one not to be demeaned by disinterest, rigidity, or passivity. It is a gift that we all receive, yet so few seem to feel it is precious and valuable. Let us examine a little of what this gift means to us and how we can take what we are given and create meaning and purpose and love, both for ourselves and for others.

"Let us begin by visualizing our personal philosophies as a candelabra. When we are born, we are given--just by virtue of being born--the stem of the candelabra. Visualize this stem as shining silver. If we take care of it, it shines; if we use it too hard, it weakens; and if we don't use it, it tarnishes. As we grow up and away from our parents, we begin to ask questions. Ah, how I love questions! It is the questions we ask that are the arms of our candelabra. Have you ever noticed that the arms are curved like question marks? If the arms were not curved, they would not be stable and would simply break off. Some approach their lives this way. In fact, some do not even question; and what they have then is simply a stem that will, in time, become worn with use, and in which no candle can be created. Think about that, and perhaps the next time you encounter someone who reminds you of it, you will know how to react.

"Now, back to my (or our) candelabra. The arms are created by our questions, and the questions create our hopes and perceptions. There is room there in the bowl of each arm, and what goes there are the candles. If we ask the questions, it changes our experience, and the layers of our experience are what create the layers of the candles. It takes patience and openness and skill to create those layers, and it is always a process of learning and remembering. Try to make them too quickly and they will fall apart, try to make them too perfectly and you will never be finished... when they are finished, how do you know? Ah! The short answer is, you don't.

"There are seven candles in your candelabra, one of each color of the rainbow. But they are not the same for everyone. Each color is part of what it takes to create light. Without one, or if one remains hidden, there will be only a limited glow. The bright white light that you need on your journey will only be created if you have, and accept, every color you need. This may be difficult, especially if you are afraid of one area of life, or if you have such love for one area that you feel no need to expand your experience. But we all need every color. But we do not all need the same size or intensity of color. So, you may have a big tall bright green candle, and I may have a short pale green candle; but as long as we both accept them as part of who we are, we're both ok.

"Now, back to how you don't know when your candles are finished. See, I didn't forget, ha. The key is, as the layers of your experience are formed by your questions, your beliefs, your hopes, and your perceptions, you will reach a point where you will feel that your experience is reflecting who you are and where you need to be. At that point, you may sense that your candles are all in place. But then there is another piece of the picture, one without which none of this means very much at all. You must light the candles. You must take the risk of having part of what you have so lovingly and painstakingly created being consumed, used, and shared with others. If you try to hold onto what you have, not only will it not light anyone else's way, but you will also remain in the dark. Light your candles with courage, with faith, with sharing, with love. In order to light them, you must make a CONNECTION. Hold the flame to the wicks, and watch as that which you have created acts and is acted upon.

"This is the dance of life: belief, hope, perception, experience, and action. Remember the candelabra, and remember that if you take the risk of lighting all of your candles--both sorrow and joy, both pain and awe, both agony and ecstasy, both anger and love, both relationship and solitude, both dreams and regrets--you will light your own way on this God-given path and you will also light the way for many others around you, for your light will shine out in directions you cannot even imagine, nor did you intend. Stay with the base of the candelabra and you are stuck, stay with the questions and you go nowhere (except down by the pond, haha), stay with the candles and all you will have are lumps of colored wax. But light the candles, speak your truth, show the world who you are and what you are there for, and the gift is used and treasured and valued; and you will find your way in peace and love, and the gift of connection, which is beyond all price. And now, I have spoken for a long time in your sense of the word, and I must go. I bid you a fond farewell, and many blessings on your journeys." (4/25/99 - W#127)

AA:

"Welcome. It is my pleasure, too, as we will share this day a bit more. Do you not wish to have an energetic talk. So, this is what I know. We are surrounded and composed of energy. That's it. Goodbye... no wait... there's more. In fact, there's infinitely more. Well, not really infinitely more, but for our purposes there is. So, we are made up of energy, ta-da. And we create energy, ta-da. And we use energy, ta-da. And it is in the flow of energy that we find our meaning.

"A bathtub of water doesn't help get you clean if all you do is discover it and describe it and look at it. You have to jump into it... or step... or even splash some out of it on you. So too with the energy of existence. Knowing it is one thing and connecting to it is another. So tonight you will help people, with me, to think about how they could immerse themselves in it and what's keeping them from doing that. Everyone at your level has found a way to stay out of the bathtub, and boy do you stink Go bathe. Why do you think all the religions of the world have some ritual of immersion. But they think it is either the water or some person, not its symbolic energy allusion. It is certainly not illusionary. It is very real.

"So, that's where we go tonight, to bathe in the cosmic fountains. We stay out of it because it is awesome, and it will demand from us actions that we don't know if we can or want to do. It's like a light bulb in a lamp. There's plenty of energy in the cord, but dare I throw the switch to receive it and therefore have to wear the sun's secret at my core, too--to burn, to blaze, and to risk burning out. I choose to live in the dark as if the lamp were unplugged or the power shut off. I think you get the picture. Dare they, dare you, when those who do you have found them scary. I believe I will leave the rest for later, if you dare hear it." (5/2/99 - W#128)

AA at a chat session on Energy:

"Thank you dear friends. I have been across many boundaries in my lives. I am here to speak to you about that, about energy, about reaching out a little further than your comfort zones would ordinarily allow. In fact, I am going to show you what those comfort zones may do and how to get beyond them. This will not be an easy message for some of you to hear, but please know that it comes--as all of our messages do--from the unconditional love that we feel for you and one another.

"Energy is all around us, it is in us, it is with us, it IS us. What we do is how we access what we need, but all too often we do not DO. We sit, we watch, we wait, we read, we contemplate, we ponder, we measure and propose and peruse and assume and adjust, but we do not do. We are often reluctant to take chances, to risk that which we hold as precious and valuable and necessary for fear we may lose it and get nothing in return. What happens then is we cut ourselves off... well, I should say you cut yourselves off... from the very source of the energy you so much desire; and then you wonder why you are tired, you wonder why you feel there is not enough, you wonder why you feel irritable and confused and perhaps powerless. You cut yourselves off from your power source and of course you will feel powerless. But how not to do that? It is often not so evident, and so it is understandable that you make mistakes. We all make mistakes. Even Rikkity makes mistakes and she'll be the first to admit it, haha.

"Imagine that the source of energy is a big bathtub. Imagine you are in a bathroom and looking at the tub. You turn on the water and hope it will be the right temperature. You allow it to flow into the tub and you anticipate the experience of being in that wonderfully soothing and nourishing water. But wait... I wonder how many of you have ever entered a tub full of water without testing it first. First you put your finger in it, then perhaps you find it is not warm or cold enough so you run some more water. Then maybe you put a toe in it. You measure your experience so carefully that by the time you get into it you have expended so much energy on making sure, on being certain, on feeling secure about how it will all turn out, that it cannot feed you, it can only compensate for what you have expended. Now who is worse about this than the scientists and historians who sit, clipboard or laptop in hand, taking notes on the water temperature and measuring size and diameter and level; or perhaps recording how someone else experienced their bath. You cannot be in the flow of life and energy as a spectator.

"But most of you are not that extreme. Most of you here are more open and willing to try and to risk. But do you do it. Sometimes, sometimes not. You may never know that feeling of utter immersion in the flow of loving energy if you don't take that chance. It is so easy... or seems safer... to sit back and watch others and try to make sure your experience will be ok and not leave you lost or powerless or confused. But another's experience cannot be your own. And more than that, the walls you build to test yourself will grow in size and strength until there is a wall between you and the tub that you can no longer see over, or even scale.

"So much these days is built on sand. So much of your world is made of fluff and folly, of those who want security and sureness and cannot take chances because they need to hold onto their power. Look at your politicians. There are no political races any more, there are only polls and opinions, and surveys, and image-makers and spin doctors. Where are the true people in all that? Is it any wonder that you don't get leaders who inspire and inform and fill you with the excitement of their vision?

"Please take my words to heart. It is all up to you... it is all yours for the risk of asking, but you must take that risk. You must take the chance of stepping into that tub without testing it indefinitely. You must take the chance that some of that water may be displaced or splashed. You must take the chance that you might lose in order to gain everything you have always wanted.

"This is not a small message tonight. It is the foundation of everything we have tried to convey. You are no longer first-timers and you do not need to worry about getting your energy from others, or about being clueless, or about not knowing what this life is all about. You know you know, and you know you have the power. You do not always use it. Know that it is in your hands and in your hearts. And that all you keep from yourself when you build those walls is that which you most desire and that which can fill and fulfill you. Take chances, be generous with your energy; for you no longer need to hold onto it for fear you have too little. Take that plunge and you will find yourselves immersed in the waters of love and universal energy and all you need will be given to you. Take that plunge and you will find yourselves immersed in the joy of life and all you need and desire will surround you, and you will be the one who glows with health and fire and lights the way for the others--not the ones who sit at the side of the tub measuring or trying to determine the course of the stream of life. I believe that is enough for now. Thank you for listening and thank you most of all for being who you are and open to this message. Please know, too, that we here on this side have the greatest love for you. Goodnight and God bless you all." (5/2/99 - W#129)

BB:

"Hello. She's something else. So, tonight we will talk and they will listen. When I was a man I did a lot of talking, and when I was a woman I did a lot of listening; so I learned more as a woman than as a man. Ha. Here's some of it. 3 words: need, want, have. There are things you need to do; some sustain and others enlighten. Miss these and you miss it all, or it gets cut short--way short. There are some things you want to do; these should always be an expression of what and who you really are or want to be. If they do not lead to you in your truest sense, forget them. You should be doing what you want, not as a hedonism but as an idealism. And then there are those things you think or feel or are told you have to do; these always lead you to someone else, not yourself. So you can never say you are living, and certainly not enjoying, them. Obligations are never idealistic.

"In your time you have had military drafts. What's the point. Obligation, not desire or need. When something is so compelling you don't need to ask for volunteers, then you are living and enjoying--even if the going is tough, life-threatening, and less than enjoyable. We will talk more tonight. But here's the formula: if you are enjoying it but it doesn't point to life in more abundant terms, buzz wrong; and if it is sustaining of life as you think it ought to be but is not enjoyable, buzz wrong; it's live and enjoy. And the 'and' is essential. See you tonight. Ta-ta." (5/9/99 - W#130)

BB at a chat session on Living and Enjoying:

"Hello beloved ones! I am with you tonight for a short time. I have worn my favorite burnt orange silk dress with embroidery of gold covering the bodice especially for this occasion. I hope you can see, or at least imagine, its beauty. I wish to talk about parties. I enjoyed giving parties in my life, and loved the company and the joy of friends and good conversation. but I will relate this to what you saw of my words earlier, in terms of how one comes up with a guest list. Few things give us more difficulties than guest lists! Well, perhaps that is a slight exaggeration, ha, but they are difficult, and so are seating arrangements. You never know who to put with whom.

"So if you will, think about a guest list. You need to invite--or involve--some people, such as caterers. You need to have light, and so you need candles or the electric company to provide that. You need music, so you need musicians. And when those needs are met, you can then proceed to who you want. Will it be that funny woman you had such a good time with over a drink at the bar? Will it be that wise teacher you learned so much from in that class? Will it be your neighbor who always is there to help you or lend a caring shoulder? Will it be the boss who employs you so that you can give parties? Ah, but here we get perhaps into oughts and shoulds and musts. So, let us slow down a bit. Those you want to be there are usually those who you see as having something to offer you. That something may be laughter or caring or wisdom, or whatever else you find fills and fulfills you. You may hesitate to invite everyone you want. You may think that perhaps they won't all get along or do not have similar interests, you may shift your focus from your own wants to trying to anticipate those of others. And that is one of the problems with guest lists.

"Now here is another: you think you must or ought to invite those who have in the past invited you to one of their parties. O my! but what if you do not really enjoy their company? Many times, that is a secondary rather than primary consideration. What happens when you invite someone out of obligation? You find yourself avoiding them, or perhaps saying polite words just to be a good hostess. You do not really want or need to be with them, and so their presence adds nothing to your party. In fact, what it does is balance the debt you owe them and nothing more. So that is why a party composed of purely business associates or social aquaintances who owe one another is so awfully boring and ultimately de-energizing.

"The next time you have a party ask yourself this question before you make up your guest list: Would I want this person here if I did not owe them anything? And the next time you are invited somewhere, ask yourself this question: Would I want to go there if I had not been invited? That is a test. Obligation leads only to a compensation of energy and not to what we need or want to live our lives with joy and fulfillment. Compensation serves no one, appearances to the contrary. So please remember my words. You all have been most gracious to me, and I know this is a difficult time for some of you. Thank you for your attention, and please feel free to attend any of my parties, whether or not you are invited! Goodnight." (5/9/99 - W#131)

"Hey, we got middle men here, too. Sometimes you get a guide, and sometimes you get an agent. Why, you ask. I'll tell you. If you only want to fly US Air, you don't need an agent. If you only want the package tour, then you get a guide. But those spirits who have moved to a more complex understanding of life, will not settle for simplicity. So for example, one day you need a guide who will lead you beside the still waters, and another day you need a guide who will kick you in the butt. An agent helps supply the diverse needs of complex souls who have learned and remembered much, and so have many open facets. It ain't all one-to-one. I will leave you with that tidbit to ponder.

"Some have more than one agent. It's busy times. And every agent is also a guide, but not every guide is an agent. And an agent is not a main guide, that's too centrist. It doesn't focus that much, and, like you, it is always in flux and growth and change... unless you aren't in growth and change, and then you don't get a guide, you get a tea lady. That will make you change in a hurry. So, I'm going." (5/12/99 - I#24)

"This is about putting learning in a life-long perspective. It doesn't matter when you remember, only that you do. This is what Jesus was trying to say, but they thought it was about salvation. Go figure, as Papa would say. As in, it's ok to accept Jesus as your savior right up to the time of death, but it wasn't about accepting Jesus or knowing God, it is about accepting ourselves and knowing ourselves. If you accept an external as a learning, it's not yours--even if it's easy to remember. And there's a difference between principled and instrumental and incarnational remembering: knowing, doing, and being. 'Don't dream it, be it.' " (5/12/99 - Y#32)

CC:

"Hello. About learning and remembering. I lived a long time--and I mean many lives--waiting to learn life's lesson. I thought it would come as a package--like in school, you learn division or you don't. But here is part of what I know now: it's not a package, it's a sum. For example, you can't do division without knowing multiplication, and you can't understand multiplication without knowing addition. So if you just wait for division you be waiting a long time, baby.

"Life's lessons for each of us are not contained in a single learning, but in a whole complex of learning. And if we learn A and then when we learn B we forget A, then we don't know A and B together. And the whole lesson is not about knowing X, it's about knowing and remembering A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W. So when you look for meaning it's a sum; and, as in all things, you can make it if you look for connections, which is what a sum is. And the rest will come later." (5/16/99 - W#132)

CC at a chat session on Learning and Remembering:

"Well, hello! It sure is good to see so many friendly faces here tonight. This is a new experience for me, and it is most interesting.

"I liked living, and I had many many lives. But I kept learning the same things over and over again. You see, it's not the learning alone that will help you grow and progress, but it is the learning AND the remembering. And you cannot remember what you do not learn, and you cannot remember what you do not make a part of your being. So, for example, you may know all the most spiritually advanced and important books in the world and have the means and desire to buy them. But if you don't read them, you can look at them for a long time and not learn anything. By the same token, you can read them all; but if you do not make their wisdom a part of your being, if you do not act on what you absorb, you will not retain it, to borrow Rikkity's analogy. And it does not make a whit of difference when you make it part of your being; what matters is that you do.

"Consider what high school was like for you. I wonder how many of you out there remember algebra? I suspect not too many, but do you know why that's so? Probably you would say that it's because you haven't used it for so long. But you probably forgot it the day after your last examination in it! So what is the reason you don't remember it? You made no connection between algebra and the rest of your life. It meant nothing--not because it inherently meant nothing, but because you did not see its connection to the rest of your learning and your reality. If there had been a connection, if you had seen that knowing algebra could help you understand the structure of the universe, then perhaps you would have remembered it. In the same way, in high school you had many classes. How many of you made connections between history and literature, between government and geometry, between physics and home economics, between health science and French? Not because the connections were not there; but because you could not or did not see them, and certainly were not taught (usually) to see them. And so, there is very little any of us remember from those classes.

"And life is like that as well. The meaning comes through the connections, and without the meaning there can be no remembering. Of course, there are some things we cannot remember. For example, in my lives as a man I could not hope to remember being pregnant! It would be impossible for me to learn and remember that. I might be able to learn about it, know about it, even help someone give birth; but to make it a part of my being, a part of my meaning, a part of my remembering, I need to be a woman and experience that. We are, none of us, meant to experience everything, know everything, be everything all at once. And what we so often forget is that we have infinity to learn and remember all that we need to. Time is spacious and gracious and forgiving.

"If you will, think of your lives as spokes on a wheel. Each spoke is part of what you need to learn and remember, and each spoke is connected to all the others. If one is missing, you go nowhere fast, ha. Each is important and vital to who you are. Be patient with yourselves, and know that if you rush through it and think you can learn it all in one lifetime, chances are you will be back again with the same lessons. The learning and remembering is as much in the details, as much in the smell of the roses or the notes of the symphony as it is in the larger picture of the colorful bouquet or the masterpiece of Mozart. Do not miss your lessons or cut classes, but also do not think you must get an A in every one of them. Focus on the connections as you learn the material, and you will make it part of your being and, unlike me, you will not have to return quite so many times and get left back. But remember, it matters not when you graduate. We will all receive our diplomas, and no one will be asked to show how long it took them to complete their course of studies. I must go now, but be well and study hard... but not too hard that you find it a chore. I hope to see you again soon. Goodnight and God bless you all." (5/16/99 - W#133)

"Time is something of a commodity, as one dimension of energy. How we invest our time is not a matter of time, but focus. I give you a strange analogy. Bob lives in Ohio. Poor Bob. But wait, Bob just stays home and reads classic literature. Is he really in Ohio. Does it matter. His focus is elsewhere. So, too, with time. Every 70-year-old lives the same number of days, but not the same length of time. Ponder that. Some are more connected to each second, some to minutes, some to days, some to decades, and some to all of it. So time is a focus issue, not a duration issue. Get it. Notice that the magazine called Time is not about time, but about lives and events. Every man (sic) lives the year, so how can there be a Man of the Year unless time is about something else.

"When you are sick, you often live in the seconds, the heartbeats. When you're in pain, every second counts and you can rely on Anbesol for fast relief. And yet later in retrospect, that same time will seem to collapse into just a moment. Time is a river... or a spring, ever-flowing. But if I could put time in a bottle, I could sell it as the Fountain of Youth. But here's the catch: If I could hold back time, then you would not grow old, but you would not grow anything or any way else." (5/27/99 - B#24)

"Whatever will be will be. Que sera sera can be read 2 ways: one as sealed fate, and the other as karmic unfolding. Not the same. One says 'Here's where you go,' and the other says 'Based on your choices, here's where you are.' So, one is fated by one's choices. But from any point, there are multitudes of possible fates... some with fêtes and some without." (5/30/99 - I#25)

TL at a chat session on Time:

"Hellooooooooo! Thank you for your warm welcome. It is always good to be here with you. This room is always filled with warm and loving spirits. I come to you tonight in disguise. I like to dress in disguises, even though in the spirit world it fools no one, haha. But in your world, it can and does. Often you see someone or something in disguise, focus on the disguise, and miss the point. So, yes, it is yet another one of my excellent analogies with which some of you are familiar. Time disguises the true reality of existence, and when you focus on the linear sequence, you miss the wider vision. Think of time as a focus, rather than a line, and you will be seeing it a little more clearly.

"When you are in pain, you focus on the seconds. You need to do that, but it often stops you from seeing the bigger picture. Focus on the bigger picture--the wider screen, so to speak--and you will see the events of your life in a different perspective. Most of you realize that pain causes you to count the seconds. What many of you may not tend to keep in mind is that focusing on the seconds can be painful. It is the reverse, and equally true.

" 'The king is in the counting house, counting all his money'--a children's nursery rhyme with a message: the king spends his days--invests his time, if you will--in counting out his coins. Think about the last time you counted out coins in order to roll them up and save them. What you usually end up with at the end of the day is a very small amount of money and a whole lot of wasted time. It is focusing on the seconds, the minutes, the 'small change' rather than the big picture. Usually when we focus on the small increments of time we gain very little, and go to bed at the end of the day with very small accomplishments. Sometimes this can be satisfying, since it takes so little thought or effort and it makes us feel as though we have done something. But have we?

"Here's another analogy... or two or three. Focus on a leaf and you will not see the forest. Its lush green will blur into the background and you will miss the sunlight dancing on the trees. Sit on the beach and stare at a grain of sand and you will not see the ocean waves as they foam and caress the shore, or the expanse of white beach that is heated in the sun and then cooled in the light of the moon. There is a wide universe out there for you, adventures waiting and vistas inviting. Don't stay in your room, counting your small change, or you will miss the grand adventure and journey. Keep in mind that there is much more to you than even you understand at this level as a physical being, and if you focus on the small details, you will miss the vision of love and joy and wellness and fulfillment that is your birthright. Your life is not contained in these seconds, in these days, in these years, in these decades. Your life is eternal and evolving and, yes, infinite! Keep this in mind when you are hurting or when you are impatient, and try to look for the wider vision. It is then that you will see the moments collapse into such insignificant specks that they disappear; and what remains is the love you exchange with one another, the learnings you remember, and the fulfillment you find as your span of days unfolds. I will leave you with these thoughts, with my blessings, and with my favorite saying from beyond the veil: ooooOOOOOOoooo! Goodnight, ha." (5/30/99 - W#134)

"Question: Seth mentions Christ as 3 beings, one of which is yet to appear as the Second Coming. Bullshit... but not total bull. The Jesus we get is a composite of many, but there is not one waiting in the wings... or waiting with wings. Seth seems to have focused in on a cultural manifestation, which if held by enough strongly enough, can appear actual. Jesus was this guy, and he was this ministry, and he was this group, and he was another guy who stepped in, and he was also the alter-ego of the disciples, and all the mythic heroes--all made to appear one. A composite. As I said before, the Christ of the Cross is not the Jesus of the Parables. A rather crass analogy: Santa, all those guys in red suits and more.

"A great problem is the belief in the Second Coming. It allows demagogues to arise--Jim Jones and the Kool-Aid. If you await a reappearance, you can get suckered, and a second coming is always looking backwards. And Mary, not just one either. Some of them actually smiled. An apocryphal story says Mary looked at Jesus in the manger and laughed. Edited out early." (6/3/99 - I#26)

"Question: What does it mean to be a Speaker, and when. At any given time, there are many speakers, both alive and dead. But how many listeners are there, huh. Ok. Buddha, sure. Jesus, ok. Mohammed, yep... and others. If someone is a great speaker, and gets people to listen, then that is what matters. Speakerhood is only a start. So, Plato. And the rest are often mirroring speakers. I'm not a speaker, but what you say from me expresses a speaker's words. Hmmm... I'm a guide to the principles that a speaker would say. We are conduits, which means one must always worry more about the truth, so to speak, of something, than who said it. Speakers do not try to draw crowds to them, but to infect the culture with the ideas they bring. So don't look for favored authors, but for words that grab the soul.

"You see, people keep wanting to put spiritual power back in physical realities, like bodies and lives and personalities. It's as if, if we can locate and name it, it is more real, ha. The most real things in existence are beyond and within your complexity, and you miss them when you look too hard for them among the ordinary and physical. Like alchemy looking for gold in other stuff, rather than asking 'what's of value.' Forget Y2K, a greater panic will ensue when people suddenly realize that gold has no real value except as a paperweight. Just because it's scarce, doesn't mean it is really valuable. And so, too, for all the esoterica of the world. The best, most sublime meal of all time, will still leave you hungry the next day. Ponder that. And majority acceptance does not make truth, as we have seen over and over.

"And hey, here's a thought. Everyone wants to know about the afterlife; but if you knew it all, it wouldn't be the afterlife, it would be the life. So, getting the travel guides to Rome ain't the same as being mugged there. Hey, in the afterlife it isn't always postcard perfect either ('Have some tea.'). So, gather the soul's travel guides, but know the trip will still hold surprises--even with so-called guaranteed reservations. 'You thought you were going where?' Picture a flight in the afterlife: 'We are about to take off. Who cares what position the tray-tables are in. Get up, walk around, who cares. Smoke in the bathrooms.' But the food's the same--so bad, and so little of it. I think this is a lot for today.

"Don't just face it, facet it. But all of this was a hint. We can't and shouldn't look for other dimensions until we deal with the ones here. No skipping grades. You can try, but hey, you want to be the tea lady of the next level? Good. So go ponder, live, learn, enjoy, and dance." (6/3/99 - I#27)

"You want to experience your spiritual reality. Sure, no problem, man. Sit down, sense yourself as infinite yet marvelously compact--a dot of being that contains all, and then see that dot connected to all the other dots. And you've got it. But wait... can your mind embrace both of those, no. So I guess that exercise is beyond us. So think about this: Such a transcending sense of self is not in this level. Get it and you aren't here anymore. So, it will never be here with these issues and things to learn; it belongs elsewhere. And the other Christ isn't Christ and isn't male and isn't coming here. You are asking for a learning that is the result of the learning at this level, not a learning at this level. Don't mistake outcome and process for each other. I suspect humbly... sure, that's it, humbly... that to search for such is to try to avoid the lessons we need to learn first and here and now." (6/3/99 - V#42)

"Is monogamy the best way to live. The great monogamous one... not... speaks. Yes, it is the best for now, at this level of complexity. We are still learning about connecting, and more than one is tough. So one at a time, and only about half do that well. Later in complexity, this will seem amazingly naive, but it is what is right for who and where we are. And if someone can't be monogamous, that's not wrong, but they should not be in an assumptively monogamous relationship. Monogamy is not intrinsically good, but it is instrumentally good, given where we are on the development process. So if you are, you are not missing out on anything." (6/3/99 - V#43)

LD at a chat session on Dimensions of the Spirit:

"Greetings to all of you. It is indeed a pleasure for me to be able to be here tonight. What a wonderful medium (no pun intended) the internet is for spirit communication. I am here to speak to you about connections and about developing the various and many facets that make up your spiritual presence and that will lead you toward growth and toward love. And how those two are connected will, I hope, become clear to you as I speak further. So relax and follow my words, thoughts, and feelings; for we are on a great adventure and this is an opportunity that should not be missed or taken lightly--but always with light.

"I had many talents and interests in the life I speak of tonight, but they all flowed one from the other. Often we think of connections as being somewhat like beads on a string--you put one on and then another and then another. They all touch each other, but they never really connect in any but a superficial way. The connections I will speak of, and the ones that I made, were ones that flowed from the ones before them. So, for instance, I became enamored of drawing and that led me to painting and that led me to sculpture and that led me to study anatomy and that led me to science and that led me to inventions and that led me back to painting, and all of those interests and facets of my spirit led me to travel all over Europe as I followed my heart.

"Consider the rose, that universal and eternal symbol of the spirit, and how it grows. Its outer petals must open before its inner ones can. And if petals on one side open and not another side, the ones open cannot proceed further and the ones closed are stuck together and frustrated in their growth. There can be no skipping steps. Move too quickly and you will miss something; try to skip a part of the process and you will find yourself going backwards at some point to complete it. That is a universal law, if there exists such a thing. Now, to continue with the rose. It needs all four of the elements to grow: earth, air, fire, and water. It stems from the earth, is surrounded and nourished by the air, is energized by the sun, and is fed and cleansed by the water. In order to grow and become itself fully, it must have all those elements in place. Without one of them, the rose will wither and die, or not even be able to begin its journey toward growth. So, too, with you. Consider all the aspects of who you are and what you do, and apply this simple test--which is, by the way, a multiple choice test with the correct answer always being 'all of the above.' Any aspect of your life must contain and supply you with all four elements.
Earth: the grounding, nurture, food, comfort.
Air: ideas, thoughts, inspiration, imagination, concepts.
Fire: energy, impetus, desire, direction.
Water: emotions, feelings, the source.
Apply this simple test to your work, your relationships, your learning, your hobbies, your swimming in your pool, whatever you do and are and involve yourself in. If any one of those elements is missing, you will feel something incomplete and it will not fulfill you.

"Another image: think about the square. If you focus on just one side, you get a straight line leading nowhere. If you focus on two sides, you get a dead end, a corner. If you focus on three sides, you get the appearance of possibility in the open endedness of it, but it is the appearance of a false possibility because in reality there is nothing there. Four sides is completeness, four sides is totality, four sides is fulfillment, and four sides is potential; for when those four sides are in place, we find development,and this is what we speak of when we speak of love. Love engages all that we are. Love is the sum and the connection of all the sides and facets of our being, and where one or more aspects of ourselves are excluded, we will not find love. We will not love what we do, where we are, or even who we are, for we will feel incomplete and unfulfilled. So remember this simple test, apply it to each aspect of your life, and ponder the 'grade' you get... remembering, of course, that there is no real grade except the one you give yourself; and no one else's journey or learning or fulfillment can be the measure of your own.

"I must go now, so I will wish you peace, I will wish you joy, I will wish you love, and I will wish you the polishing sheen of the elements for all the facets of who you are to become, complete and whole and ready to connect with one another. Goodnight, and thank you again for listening." (6/6/99 - W#135)

"About the Columbine shootings. O, don't make more of it than 2 stupid, crazy, lonely people. It is not symbolic of anything larger, and those who use it for such do violence themselves.

"It is so easy to focus on the negative that we let it win. Gandhi knew this, and believed that he could change the negative by never ever ever being negative. So when he was beaten, he did not beat back nor did he cower. Both would have let the negative win. Only the positive can triumph over the negative and in its wake bring forth the dawn of... wait, that's the campaign speech. But you get the point. Eye on the prize. He was not passive when he peacefully sat down, knowing he would be beaten. That's not passive; slinking home would have been. He was not passive, he was assertive--positively assertive. And here's a test: In any situation, do the people act out of fear or faith. And I don't mean a fearfull faith, I mean an empowering one. That's all you need to know to know which way the wind is blowing." (6/10/99 - R#26)

FG:

"I am indeed going to visit you on Sunday--and in word and in spirit, but not in body. I need one of those shampoos with extra body. So, seriously, one of the big issues is always evolution--no, not monkeys--spiritual. If I had named it, it would be spiritual evolution not spiritual perspiration.

Rikkity: "Stop that."

"No sweat. You have to work hard at it. But yes, people expect a sudden and complete fulfillment, but it ain't so and you wouldn't want that anyway. Think of all you have learned at your level. True, some painful; but through the pain, hope and faith. What would happen if you skipped all the rest of the learning yet to come. 1. You would know so little, 2. you could appreciate so little, and 3. you would be alone in your stupid unappreciative state while everyone else would be connected and fulfilled and wise and whole. You want that? And do you really want a future with everyone separate and not really informed of themselves. So, live in and through and by the gradual evolution of the complexity of your being; for the other model leaves you alone and simple, not connected and complex. So be a simpleton by yourself or open yourself to the program, as you people say now. Or get on the list, as we said.

"So, that's what we will talk about. It's not a race, it's a journey. And if you miss the trip to get there too soon, you will miss the essence. And that remark is aimed at EBB. Destinations are not the point. If they were, any means or methods would suffice but they don't, as the great recycled masses should know but don't. So, we will chat more with your friends on Sunday.

"What is it that stops you from learning that? Seeing fulfillment as ahead and alien or separate while it's always present and natural. It doesn't have to do with your not trusting yourselves... trust rust... o trust, no. No. It has to do with your preoccupation with time. Because with linear time there is always the sense of fulfillment ahead, not here--which is scarcity thinking. People think, 'I can be fulfilled only once and if it is now then what about later. It will be a letdown.' But if you let go of time as a measure of progress and development, then you can be fulfilled all the time and still waiting to be fulfilled. Evolving from fulfillment to fulfillment, not from unfulfilled to eternally completely and finally fulfilled. Or, to put it crassly, there ain't just one light you walk toward. You live and die and are in the light all the time. Even if the night light changes. When you were a babe--o so cute and so stinky--your eyes could not see all what you call spectra. And later you saw more. Always in a light but different light, and if you would you would never be in darkness, even as the light changes. Phew. Enough." (6/10/99 - W#136)

"All the friends will be listening to the chat tonight. Remember, those aren't their real names. They are just their famous names. But the milkman was just as real as the scientist, and the queen was as real as the troll. So, remind people we are introing just facets, not wholes." (6/20/99 - W#137)

"If we could see all the facets, we would have moved on up already. There's a tidbit for you. You move on when you fulfill all your aspects, and that's also when you can see with clarity all the aspects of others, and their fulfilled and unfulfilled realities.

"When you are fulfilled, you might combine with someone who is not, because they are forced in, or force themselves, or are just big liars, or you think you see it all, but no. And then guess what, it's not just they who are unfulfilled and not appropriate; it's also you. It takes a whole entity not knowing, to create a black hole. That's part of the reason for such evil. It's not just one bad element, which would just be a problem, but it's a whole entity of bad elements, which is the pits. Remember that being fulfilled doesn't mean being everything, and in a stable entity, the strengths of one complement the strengths of another. But in a entity gone bad, no strength complements no strength. Got it. Each element is not bad or evil, just not fulfilled; so the cumulative energy deficit is enormous. Whoa, that was more than I planned to say. Hey, a PtoP.

"Hey, if we were everything, where could we go from there. In fact, ha, there's another tidbit that I wasn't going to share. Some elements--which are, after all, just entities themselves--are so complete, they don't need to combine to find wholeness, and so they are alone...ooooOOOOoooo. But you know what happens to them? If they arrive and are all ready to combine, they move on. But if they are complete--which is not the same as fulfilled--they can't go anywhere because they can't connect to the learnings of others, so they also get disassembled. Remember, it's about connection, not about singular fulfillment. Dead ends are not appreciated. Whoa times 2. This was supposed to be a quick and dumb session.

"I'm not talking about hermits. Don't confuse personality with spirit; not the same. It could look like anyone. Some hermits strive to know what others think and feel, so don't get the idea of isolation that way. But look to see if a person goes through life without learning (note I didn't say remembering, just learning). Some people are very people-oriented, but act like they have nothing to learn. First-timers and these look alike, for these are eternal first-timers--even after many lives. Now go, I've said too much already. Blew all my material." (6/20/99 - V#44)

Elissa at a chat session on Rikkity's Entity and Friends:

"Rikkity told me to 'channel' myself tonight, and to speak about what all this has meant to me. That's quite a challenge since the experience of being her mother, dealing with her death, and our continuing connection since then has filled and transformed my life. So, I will focus on the Rikkity's Entity and Friends category and tell you some of what you don't see 'behind the scenes,' some of what meeting her friends has been like, some of what I've learned (and hopefully will remember), and then I'll introduce the 'gang' a little differently.

"Some of what you haven't seen: the very practical help Randy and I have gotten with all sorts of daily problems and logistics and special events. TL and Rikkity teaching us how to create and stick to a budget. No small feat! TL, MCP, and Rikkity making travel arrangements for us and planning our trips, such as the month we spent in Europe two summers ago and our 3 weeks last summer on Ocracoke Island. Rikkity and TL telling us how to buy and pay for a car for Lee and Suki. Rikkity choosing gifts for us and writing us cards through one another. And then, always, at every session, the sublime laughter and playfulness that leaves us energized and smiling. For example, the 'other side' version of Les Mis, starring TL as Javert and Rikkity as Jean Valjean. In this version, Javert jumps off the bridge and comes right back up again on a bungee cord. Later, in the sequel, he chases Jean Valjean through the streets of Paris in slow motion, as they are both about 100 years old. MCP's enormous and very silly hats. GW, TL, CT, and Rikkity having a cream pie fight. Rikkity's roast on the last anniversary of her death with MCP as the MC. The endless jokes about CT's trout. The day at the cemetery when I was feeling down and found myself being 'serenaded' by a group of Supremes wanna-be's (Rikkity, CT, GW, and MW) in brightly colored sequined and beaded dresses singing 'Call Me.' And, of course, the ever-present Sandy, Rikkity's adorable and adored dog, who always greets us with an 'ARF.'

"One amazing aspect of this has been learning about our past and future lives and our eternal connection to each other. This has given me a sense of the continuity between life and death and life again--moving toward 'entitisation'--that has helped me deal with my grief because it has taught me that we always have been and always will be part of one another.

"Another aspect has been meeting Rikkity's friends. Doing this, and realizing that she knows everybody, is nothing new to me. When Ericka was alive she always had many friends, and many of them also became mine. So this process has seemed very natural. But what I have learned from them has been extraordinary, and the opportunity to share them and their wisdom with you has been a joy. I have learned that each one of these guides and friends is unique, and in learning about their uniqueness I have learned about my own as well. From GW I've learned about leadership, from MW dealing with grief, from MCP differences, from LD universality, from CT contemplation, from TL trust, from TJ liberty, from Marky integrity, from Terra perspective, from Marcel purpose, from MS insight, from Papa potential; and from Rikkity love, acceptance, and connection. All parts of the whole--the whole being incomplete without any one of them. I have learned that none of them--and none of us--are everything in ourselves and that is the basis for connection. I have also learned not to expect anyone else to be everything to me, or to contain all I need or want. That would be impossible. And I have also learned to accept who I am. I am kindness, caring, courage, writer, philosopher, healer; and to be true to myself means to be expressive of who I am and not trying to be who I'm not--for my sake or anyone else's. What I have come to learn quite recently is that if I am not that which expresses my core, I do not feel well or whole. I just don't feel good about myself. And I cannot base my being who I am on how others respond to me, because that then makes them the measure of myself and that doesn't work for anyone, because we all need to be who we are. I am learning this, bit by bit, day by day. And I am also learning not to expect too much--or too little--of myself or others.

"I have also learned from these glorious spirits, that to ask is to receive. When I feel the need to have 'clues' about what will be channeled by any of them, or need guidance about almost anything, I've learned that all I need to do is listen and look and pay attention. I always will be given an image or a concept. So I have learned to trust both myself and the abundant generosity of the universe. So, to all my fellow travelers on the Yellow Brick Road, I thank you for who you are and for all you have taught me. And, for those of you who don't already know--or have guessed--the identity of some of these wonderful spirits, I will introduce them. But first, I have been cautioned to say that, although one aspect of them may be famous it is just one aspect and not their identity. This is only for your information, and so you can know them a little better. They have, in many cases, led extraordinary lives. But then, so have we all, ha.

"So, first, Rikkity's first guide and the father of our country:
GW = George Washington (who was also a Yugoslavian wrestling promoter)
MW = Martha Washington (who was also once a factory worker)
TJ = Thomas Jefferson (who was once a milkman)
TL (who prefers to remain incognito)
MCP = Marco Polo
Marky = Marquis de Lafayette
LD = Leonardo da Vinci
H = Hernando Cortez
C = Casanova
Marcel, our dear friend from our previous life in France
CT, who was a war hero in Vietnam and also a damn fine trout fisherman (and Rikkity loves him and teases him mercilessly). He was one of the first she met on the other side, and his grave is next to hers at theWilliamsburg Memorial Park.
Papa, who was, is, and always will be Papa. Happy Father's Day, Dad!
And, of course, our beloved Rikkity, who leads the way and whose abundant hair, love, and energy have informed my life and taught me the secrets of the universe. I am forever grateful and eternally blessed by the wisdom, love, friendship, and humor of these guides, and the many others who have shared their learnings with us all. I hope to be able to continue bringing them to you, and also I hope you will invite some of them over to visit with you! Don't forget MW likes tea; GW, TL, and MCP are fond of ambrosia; and Rikkity loves fruit punch, ha. And Sandy says, 'Aaaaarf ARF.' " (6/20/99 - W#138)

"Miss Julia has moseyed on. O yes. Her family has adopted, but she is elsewhere... Chile. For kids it can be quick. As it is said, so shall it be. Don't you remember coming back. No? Then you get to do it until you do, ha. Most people have a sense of coming back into being but ignore it. You see, if everyone around you talks of birth and freshness and... o yes... newness, then you discount the notion you've been here before.

"Here we have people or spirits or entities who begin to combine and then don't. Near-life encounters... joke. 'I think I'll be going,' they say, but noooo. And here's a kicker for you. It may be that they will move on, or that they will go back for another life; and the passage being a passage of energy, it is a passage of light from this side, too. That tunnel goes both ways. It's not raising or lowering vibrations or frequencies. That's your shorthand for a process you can't describe. And what idiots and charlatans do is make a reality out of that inadequacy; as if they could control frequencies, when it isn't about frequencies or anything else you have control of. Just as in mediumship you don't control it, you only open yourself and allow it. But in bigger ships it's different." (7/1/99 - W#139)

"Now about the death penalty. Kill the suckers... no, that wasn't it. Mercy and understanding, and let the process take its eternal course. It's more about how people feel about life than it is about death. And in times when people don't really appreciate life, they use death as a means of escape. Bad times always bring about killings. The killings are a symptom, not the real badness. When a group needs to kill, it usually has an incomplete identity of itself. Negative images breed negative actions.

"When we cut short the lives of people, we may be prolonging the process of their spiritual evolution. With the really evil black holes, no, but with the infinite number of guiltless ones we do. A life in prison could be a life of learning and remembering, but a life cut short like that can't always be. And that's all I will say." (7/1/99 - R#27)

"The different paths to understanding must have their own limits and methodologies, or else all becomes the same and loses some or all of its distinction. Yes, I know that, in the end, all will be All without distinction, but until then the distinctions are the very building blocks of connection. We can easily connect to what is the same, but there's no meaning in it, no learning, no growing, no remembering. But when we connect across distinctions, then meaning grows and we can learn. Differences are good <grin>. That's it." (7/3/99 - Y#33)

At an "SP Lite" chat session:

"Hey guys, what's up? I just wanted to stop by to say hi and wish you all a fun and happy summer (my favorite season). Now, I want you all to think about this: Learning does not have to be intense and all-consuming. Learning can come in small bits of insight and wonder and attention. So, when you kick back and relax, it doesn't mean you're standing still; it just means you're learning different stuff. And that's about as deep as I get tonight. I love you all. Bye. Keep that energy level steady... which, by the way, only happens when you allow it to move and change and vascillate, haha. Now really, bye." (7/11/99 - Y#34)

TL at an "SP Lite" chat session:

"Hello, good live people. Greetings from beyond ooooOOOOoooo. I just wanted to stop by briefly to put in a word for trust. Without trust in ourselves we cannot hope to be able to accept another. One of the reasons we have so much trouble with acceptance is that we don't understand that it begins with trust in ourselves. We think we need to be able to accept no matter what, no matter whom, no matter why... just because it is the 'right' thing to do. But that is putting the proverbial cart before the limping horse, hahaha. Look into your own heart first and find the beauty and treasure and value in who and what you are and you will find that acceptance flows as naturally and effortlessly as the river to the sea. It all begins within.

"And do not look for what you think you should or ought to or could be. Gaze in that mirror at who you are, knowing that that is enough and that what you need and want and grow toward will emanate from that. It's a difficult lesson. Not everyone here is quite believing what I'm saying and I understand that. Ponder it. you will gain so much. And now I'll go. It's summer and Rikkity is pulling on my sleeve and wants to go dancing. Goodbye! Aaayyyyyyeeeeeee!" (7/18/99 - W#140)

F at an "SP Lite" chat session:

"Good evening all. Good evening, it has been a long time. Yes, we have met in the stables, in the courtyard... we have met more often than any knew. Bonsoir! At last, you see me again. Those were the days of evil. Those were the times of danger and blood. Those were the times when lives were worth little. I find it hard to remember--I would rather forget, but I cannot; too much blood on my own hands, even in the good fight, too much blood, on my own hands. Ah, there's the story and I know you, dear Madame, will always tell the story from the point of view of the saved and speak of the scars, the wounds, the signs of your own salvation; but I oft times can only see the blood.

"You see, the evil swept down from Paris. It came on the backs of peasants and mercenaries. It was a wave of hatred, like none we had ever seen. We had known the hatred of Catholics for Protestants and Protestants for Catholics and everyone a little suspicious of the Jews. But this was different. It was a hatred based not on what you believed but on who you were, or more likely who your grandparents had been. It was a hatred of all things established, a hatred of all things of tradition, and it slashed out at guilty and innocent alike. And I, I was of no station. I was of no standing. I should have taken up with the rabble. I should have slaughtered in the name of some far off revolution. But, I did not. I could not. For I did not believe in such a way to achieve ends. I did not believe that violence would bring about peace. But, I also knew I could not stand by and see my loved ones slaughtered.

"So, to all of you who had kept and sustained my family for generations I made myself your servant of salvation to keep you safe from the slaughter. But... and here is the pain... to do that, to protect you from the bloody hands, I had to bloody my own. To give you what I valued I had to sacrifice what I also valued. And so, I did good by doing evil. Maybe not evil as all would know it but evil as I knew it in my heart. I always will accept your thanks, I will always be willing to serve you. Yet my spirit is troubled because in doing good I did evil. Beware the temptation of knowing too well what is absolute good--it maybe will use your energy for purposes other than your intent. For nothing of good is worth doing if it is at the expense of your soul. Nothing. And so, I see my bloody hands before me, and I weep for the person I lost in saving so many others. I weep for myself, and adieu. Merci." (7/25/99 - W#141)

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